Frightened of my lodger - help???

PasturesNew

You don't want or need a legal letter. He is a lodger. You need him out without further delay.

He owes you money - that is money he can f*** off with and use to stay in a hotel.

You need to find somewhere to put his stuff safely so that you can remove him and his stuff from your house without any repercussions.

Get rid.

00ec25

sugarbabe-47 wrote: »

I just want to know how to word LEGALLY a termination letter,

"As my lodger, I hereby serve you notice to vacate my home by 9am five days hence from the date of this letter, that is by 9am on (insert date)"
End of.

nell53

Sorry that you are in this situation, which due to the bipolar, is not a simple case of getting rid of a tenant. I really feel for you having lived with someone who was bipolar who has gone off their meds, which is what this sounds like. Do you know if he has a mental health worker, or another other support from the community psychiatry team? If he is on meds for his bipolar, he should have.

If he has, then ring them -you can find the phone number under your local NHS mental health team. I know you are probably terrified at this stage because there is no reasoning with someone in this state, so take action tonight by at least ringing your local police and asking for their help.

By the way,from knowing quite a few people with this horrible disorder,although he may talk the talk, it's very unlikely that he will hurt you so just try to walk away and not engage in any battle of words. You won't win. Take care of yourself.

sleepless_saver

Make sure the letter is properly addressed, signed and dated, and say in it that you are giving him x weeks notice that you want him to move out (x weeks being the notice specified in your agreement).

Keep a copy.

But, you might want to phone the Shelter Helpline 0808 800 4444 for professional advice first, to find out if you can get rid of him faster because of your concerns about your safety. I'd think a "reasonable time" in those circumstances would be a lot less than the 4 weeks you signed up to, but I guess you have to trade that off against possible additional problems if lodger thinks he's being treated unfairly by not getting the 4 weeks.

Forget the money for the time being. Your priority is to get him out. If you did want to pursue it later, it would be one for the small claims procedure. Though personally I don't think a "reasonable and proportionate contribution" to the council tax would include compensating you for the loss of your single person discount - it should just a fair share of the council tax actually due.

Loanranger

Change your locks pronto and add a bolt and a chain.

sugarbabe-47

Thanks Nell53- I was praying that someone would pick up on his condition, without me going into too much details...yes its been difficult to try and word things correctly to him without making him more angry. He is also off his meds and I do not know whether he is on a mental health team or not.The last conversation I can remember him stating he was on a waiting list?? I am wary and am worried for my safety when he is in this state, and as you said I am petrified.
After tonights outbursts he then tried to apologise, as he is aware that I do not want him here anymore. I have helped him over the last 10 years but I cannot help anymore, I really didnt know the extent of his condition until he told me when he moved in here - I had believed he was just depressed - I do try to walk away from every outburst but now I feel unsafe in my own home. I am torn in this situation, but at the same time I NEED to look after MYSELF in all of this, we are NOT a couple and he is not my responsibility - sounds harsh now I have written it down, but true. I am not qualified to deal with someone with this disorder. A couple of my close friends said I am living with a time - bomb..this alone scares me, this is why I came here to ask for legal advise too...I don't wish him any harm and I feel so bad asking him to leave, but I am AWARE that he must go.....sorry for the long post but I am soooo weary and emotional tonight....

ih8stress

Sugar, didn't just want to read and run. I have been in a controlling relationship so know what it is like to feel like you are treading on eggshells around someone. (I know you don't have a relationship together but you do feel 'responsible' as a friend, which is why you are finding it so difficult to do the right thing and get him out ASAP).

Your priority HAS to be yourself, and your safety. Forget the money side of it. YOU are the important bit.

I think he threw away his 'rights' the moment he became threatening and intimidating. Is there any chance you can get your son and/or nephews to stay and support you whilst he serves out a period of 'reasonable' notice? (I would suggest days, rather than weeks' notice).

Also, have you tried going to your local citizens advice, womens centre etc. for advice and support.
Don't be alone, ask for help, and get your life and home back. You deserve it.

Take care

Terrysdelight

Hi

I have had hands on experience of Bipolar/Manic Depression - my mother has suffered all her adult life. You aren't dealing with a time bomb. You do get the hi and lows of mood swings. Mind you a diagnosis can change.

I personally would give him a weeks notice and maybe to make yourself feel a little easier - get him some details of hostels or b & b's to give to him - at least then, you don't have to feel guilty that he may not have anywhere to go. Don't worry about the money - it really isn't worth it.

If he doesn't go when he is supposed to - wait till he goes out, put his bags somewhere he can collect them and change the locks pronto. Get your family to stay with you for a couple of nights until you feel settled again.

Good luck.

nell53

I really wish I could say more that could help, as I can feel your fear coming through the ether. I know what it's like to feel guilty about wishing he'd just disappear... If you've known him for a long time, do you know any friends or relatives he might have who you could contact?

You must remember that on one level he is not rational, but on the other he may be quite manipulative and make you feel bad for feeling like you do. You've been through a lot already with your bancruptcy, and shown you are a strong person, remember you are not responsible for him or his condition. And thank your lucky stars that you aren't married to him. I was married to mine and lost my savings, nearly lost my house and my own sanity because of it. Your post has brought it all back. Never again.

G_M

I simply do not understand the posters here suggesting a letter giving x months notice or whatever the 'notice period' is. Or a week. Or 5 days.

THIS IS YOUR HOME. YOU ARE IN FEAR. HE MUST LEAVE.

Give him a letter by all means, or do it orally. But if you are in fear then it is REASONABLE to have him out of your HOME with immediate effect. And no court would argue with that.

But that is why, as well as for your own protection at the time, you need a police record of what you are doing and why. So tell them first, and call them after if there's trouble.

You cannot be expected to live in your own home for 'X months' or even 'X days' in fear. THAT is unreasonable.

I didnt know he would be volatile towards me

....I am scared of what he may do when I am work if I antagonise the situation....as soon as I give him a termination letter it will get worse

You need to get him out. NOW.

If I could I would let my family deal with him, but what would that solve

I do not understand this. It will solve everything! They will help you get him out.