Hospital wouldn't reveal sex of baby at 20 week scan

Brighton_belle

shellsuit wrote: »

OP is a nice chap actually if you'd cared to read all of the thread. :cool:

Well said. Yes he is.
Impressed with your 2nd post OP - you are going to make great parents I am sure. Good luck with it all.

FBaby

I too was desperate to know the sex for my first baby because I am naturally very curious. I did have quite a strong preference for a girl. I had three scans after 15 weeks and the sonographer, despite really trying the two second ones just couldn't see as he/she had his/her legs crossed. I remember feeling quite disappointed and I understand how you feel. She turned out to be a beautiful girl.

Second time, I also really wanted to know. I was kind of hoping for another girl although my gut feeling was telling it was a boy. The sonographer was happy to 'have a look and replied that he couldn't see anything and so thought it was a girl. This was recorded on the notes. I was really surprised (and even more surprised that I felt disappointed) and couldn't help but ask him to have a look again at the end (what a patient sonographer he was!). Sure enough, the truth came up very clearly on the scan and the notes were changed! I gave birth to be a beautiful boy. I have no idea how I would have felt if I hadn't asked for another look, gone on thinking I was expecting a girl and then give birth to a 9 pounds boy. I certainly wouldn't have suied, wouldn't even have crossed my mind.

9 years later, I am trying for a third baby but it's not happening. When you go through difficulty in conception, you certainly see the whole thing differently. If I could be lucky enough to fall pregnant and carry a healthy baby, I would be other the moon and wouldn't care less that I don't know the sex.

To the OP, they are young and it is understanding that they were disappointed.

Make-it-3

Chakani wrote: »

Sometimes I wish I could thank a post more than once. What a sensible, kind and level headed response from a poster who really and truly would have good reason to respond angrily to such a thread, especially so soon after the loss of your baby boy. Pawpurrs, your strength and dignity are an absolute inspiration.

OP, it is frustrating if you want to know and can't, but it will be a lovely surprise, and there isn't much you can't prepare for without knowing. You can always put the money you would be spending on pink or blue into a savings account for after the baby is born. Or ask on your local Freecycle/Freegle, collect both, and then pass on the ones you don't need.

Here, here and I've made sure to add my "thanks" to Pawpurrs for her posting.

We (along with plenty of others) have chosen not to know the sex of our baby. It makes no difference to your preparations. Chakani, makes a very good suggestion re freecycle, especially if you are on a tight budget. You will probably acquire more than enough sex-specific clothes as gifts once the baby is here.

It will also give you both a lovely surprise to look forward to at the end of all that pushing and makes it more of an announcement to tell friends and family.

pinkclouds

ricey420 wrote: »

We are both quite young parents (I'm 21 and she's 22) and we felt that perhaps knowing (even 80% predicting!) the sex of the baby would help us prepare a bit better since we're going to have to endure a steep learning curve as it is. It would also help us to buy some clothing and whatnot in advance which would also be beneficial.

Every first time parent goes through the same learning curve, regardless of age, so don't worry about that. It's no help to have a partial guess. For the first 6 months at least, I'd really recommend just buying plain white vests and sleepsuits. That way you can throw them all in a white wash with a large dose of Napisan (due to the various baby fluids that invariably end up on the clothing). Pampers Baby-Dry (or similar nappies) are unisex. Don't rush out to buy themed moses baskets, cribs, etc. Some babies hate them! And a moses basket only lasts a few weeks anyway. It is actually beneficial to you to buy plain clothes and bedding so it can be easily washed as, to be honest, you will spend a lot of time washing them. If it's the nursery that is worrying you, there is no need to decorate in advance - it is actually better to keep baby in your bedroom to begin with. (There are various benefits to some degree of co-sleeping but the practical one is: it takes less time to reach a hungry, crying baby in the middle of the night!) If there is no room for a cotbed (which will last for about 5 years) then you can always improvise with a carrycot or drawer or keep baby in bed with you - if you really want to buy an all pink/blue crib.

Quite a few hospitals seem to refuse to tell you the sex of the baby. Can't help you there - I was a private patient. At 20 weeks, I'm sure they could say with a lot of certainty what you are expecting. However, that depends on how cooperative the child is - you need a clear view of the bottom and some babies lie in awkward positions or keep moving while being scanned. Even if the sonographer was willing, they might not have been able to get a good look there.

Hope that is of some small consolation. Best wishes with the pregnancy.

liley9

We have a ds and a dd we found out at the 20 week scan what sex they were (my dh was insistent that he wanted to know i wasn't really bothered). Last week we found out there is going to to be another addition to the family but this time i dont think we will find out because whatever sex it is it will be be a bonus.

slummymummyof3

Many of you have mentioned a postcode lottery as far as finding out the sex of your baby at the anomally scan - you might find that this is actually not a postcode lottery but in fact to do with the nationalities/cultural beliefs that make up significant proportions of your hospital catchment and as previously mentioned, how some abort girls.

Unless it is medically significant and serves a diagnostic purpose, you have no right to find out the sex of the unborn child (unless you pay privately) There are some conditions that are incompatible with life for a particular sex - then you would obviously have a justified medical reason for the baby to be sexed. It is 'diagnostic' ultrasound!

Unfortunately, some patients are simply unaware of the implications of a scan and just see it as an opportunity to see their baby for the first time or find out the sex.

I find it quite bizarre that as a society, we now expect to know a baby's sex and even its name before it is born - a shame that the element of suprise has gone in many cases!

poppyscorner

As a flip side to my original post my cousin has had two happy healthy bundles both of which she refused to ask the sex it was offered to her and her DH but they decided together they didn't want to know our children are around the same ages and we had endless debates about it during the pregnancy lol she couldn't understand why I wanted to know and I couldn't understand why she didn't.

I was excited for her births just to find out what she was having (she was about 7 weeks ahead of me with DS1 and 8wks with DS2).

I think very much its a personal choice for couples to make and I learnt that from that experience she was able to buy me blue clothing in advance as a gift and I bought her lemon things for her lovely bundles. She really really wants to have a DD now and would love to get pregnant again but she is scared that she will feel disappointed with a third DS and while she feels that way she won't allow herself to even try as it's unfair on the child she says.

I think when I have another I love the idea a previous poster said of finding out and then keeping it secret so only you two know about it. My parents get very excited about being grandparents and they are fantastic ones and OH's parents would be their first grandchild so I think it would be a lovely surprise for them all. Had never thought of doing that before so thanks for mentioning it

OP I too think you sound like a very level headed guy please do not take some of the nastiness posted to heart it saddens me that there is a lot of that here sometimes mostly people here are lovely and supportive to posts whether they agree or disagree with you others can just be so blunt it's rude tbh I'm sure you will both make fantastic parents good luck with it all

xx

System

Shows what i know, i never assumed it was such an issue to tell people.

Peapodof4

When I was pregnant I was told my baby was a girl, I went out bought lots of baby girl clothes, and guess what the baby was a boy!! (And this was in the private hospital)

So be grateful baby is healthy that is the most important thing :j The 20 week scan is to see if the baby is OK and is not to find out the sex of the baby!

Evansangel

We have a gender scan booked next week as im to curious.

We also have boxes of girls clothes that i need to either sort or sell and im not up to doing that after giving birth.