Hospital wouldn't reveal sex of baby at 20 week scan

ricey420

Hey all,

This is a first post from me so go a bit easy!

Basically, me and my fiancee are just back from our 20 week scan at the Forth Valley Hospital in Larbert. There were signs everywhere saying "It is hospital policy not to reveal the sex of the baby" at the sonogram. We had politely asked if they could at least show us between the baby's legs and we could decide for ourselves...but they point blank refused to do so.

We are both quite young parents (I'm 21 and she's 22) and we felt that perhaps knowing (even 80% predicting!) the sex of the baby would help us prepare a bit better since we're going to have to endure a steep learning curve as it is. It would also help us to buy some clothing and whatnot in advance which would also be beneficial.

Now I don't personally see a problem with them showing us and not commenting, because then we wouldn't have a basis to say "You told us it was X and now I'm going to sue you" which I can only surmise as being the reason for such a policy. In fact, I'm almost certain that such a lawsuit wouldn't get very far anyway.

Now I know what interests the public isn't always in the public interest, but I can't help but feel a wee bit angry and dismayed at this. We pay for the service through our tax, and I feel as though that had it been a private healthcare company, they would be able to tell us at our request as we have paid for it.

Has anyone had a similar problem? If so, are there other hospitals where this isn't policy? And are there any private alternatives that don't cost £70?

As you may have guessed, we are on relatively low incomes and can't justify the price of one of these uber-fancy 4D scans..

skylight

If it had been a private healthcare company then they give you what you pay for.

Not a lot you can do. Its the hospital policy. Either transfer to a hospital in your area that doesn't have the same policy or get 4D scan done.

And your argument of knowing will make things a little easier (shopping etc) its a bit flawed as people have been having babies for thousands of years without knowing the sex prior to birth! Shopping for Unisex is easy enough anyway then its a customise shopping trip when Mum is ready to leave the house after the birth.

Hope all goes well for the remainder of the pregnancy and you'll be holding a bundle of joy soon!

anne1990

Hiya

I've heard that the main reason for this policy is because some people may choose not to have the baby if it is not the sex they want. Sad but apparently true.

Sorry that you couldn't find out. You can still buy the basic clothes you need now though, just get neutral colours. Nothing else is really sex dependant, and any of the learning you will have to do is the same whether you have a boy or a girl. It may be a nuisance but after all you haven't paid taxes to find out the sex you've paid taxes so they can make sure your baby is healthy.

Rikki

I think it's part of the excitement not knowing till the baby's born.

I never asked and never wanted to know.

jackieglasgow

I'm afraid I am a flamer, I think you sound like a spoiled child. "Well I have paid my taxes and they should tell me what my baby is" You don't need to know what sex your baby is to get prepared, and your age has nothing to do with it. Just do what you can, and chose things you like in pink and blue if that's what you want, and then once the baby is here and you know its healthy - which is the most important thing, BTW - you can go buy the things you've chosen. There's no need to be any less prepared because you don't know the baby's sex. I'm afraid this is one modern progression I have a huge problem with.

thatgirlsam

just because you pay taxes does not mean you can write the rules on how any hospital department works!

i have spent time in the sonography department in the hospital where i work.. and they don't tell people there either..

it is NOT because some people may choose to abort babies of the 'wrong' sex, thats a common misunderstanding (it would be extremely rare)

it is because mistakes can be made and people would sue

GobbledyGook

The idea of them showing you and letting you work it out is very flawed. What happens if they show you and you and your OH mistake the umbilical cord for a wee boys bits - does the sonographer just stand there while you get excited about your son knowing that you are wrong? Or alternatively stand and listen while you discuss your daughter while she knows you've missed the boy bits?

If your trust has that policy they will have it for a reason. It's not just about the chance of being sued. It's about cultural pressures on people to abort the "wrong" sex. It's also about the metal health problems it can cause when people "know" the sex of their child, but it's wrong. It can cause serious bonding issues and cause real problems when people with their pink clothes and their pink pram expecting baby Jemima are absolutely stunned to give birth to Gerald.

The other reason hospitals often don't do sexing is because of the time. It can be difficult to tell and from the private scans I had it can take a number of attempts to tempt baby into the right position. Hospitals have too many people to see to get into all that. At the end of the day scans are to let us see that our babies are healthy and growing well - if we want more then we pay the private companies who offer the service or we go the way of millions of women and plan for a nice surprise.

Caroline73_2

When I had my first son I worked at the hospital where I had my scan and they wouldn't tell me. The policy was due to the fact that people do terminate on the basis of gender. Your tax pays for scans for dating and anomalies, not for anything else.

All new parents face a steep learning curve regardless of age. It's irrelevant. Focus on what is important for your baby.

winnie81

I can understand wanting to know OP although its not the end of the world it is easier to a degree to prepare. Not all hospitals tell you and sometimes its just not possible but I can say my sister has had free sexing scans via the Baby Bond group although I believe that they are based in the north but I am not too sure.

She has had the free sexing scans with the last 3 of her pregnancy's so its not a relatively new thing,

Congrats on the bump OP :T

ellay864

Buy the early stuff in neutral colours and basic styles.
1. Even if you did 'know' the sex there is a chance you could be wrong then they'd be wasted anyway
2. Even if you got the sex right, you don't know what size it'll be
3. There's absolutely no point dressing them 'nice' for the first few days/weeks as they'll just pee/poo/puke in and on anything they're wearing anyway

GarnetLady

I'll be at the same hospital for my 20 week scan and they have signs up in Stirling and in the maternity booklet telling you the same thing.

Personally we want to know and are booking a gender scan with Babybond which we will pay for. They have scan places in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Stirling amongst others.

If you didn't want to know then fine, but don't get on at others because they do! We've tried for a long time for this baby and will be happy with either gender so long as it's healthy, finding out the sex does not change that. We just choose to know now rather than later.

A lot of hospitals will tell you the gender of the baby, with the disclaimer that it is not 100% accurate and from what I've read if baby isn't co-operating then you don't get to know.

If someone is that desperate to know the gender so they can terminate, then they will pay for a private scan.

And none of the hospitals in our area tell you, it goes by health board.