Hospital wouldn't reveal sex of baby at 20 week scan

Chakani

pawpurrs wrote: »

I agree its nice to know if you can, but its not that important, I had the scan and huge problems found, and basically the condtion was incompatiable with life, now I couldnt care a less as long as the baby was healthy, thank your stars the baby was healthy, that was really what the scan was for. If you really really want to know, then find the money its not that much, and I realise you are on low incomes, but sell a couple of things on ebay and £70 voila. Although I have to say I find it verrrrry frustrating that hospitals all have different policys, I find that unfair, ok if no hospital id nuchal scans, or 12 week scans, or gender but it varies so much, and is a postcode lottery and that is a little unfair.

Sometimes I wish I could thank a post more than once. What a sensible, kind and level headed response from a poster who really and truly would have good reason to respond angrily to such a thread, especially so soon after the loss of your baby boy. Pawpurrs, your strength and dignity are an absolute inspiration.

OP, it is frustrating if you want to know and can't, but it will be a lovely surprise, and there isn't much you can't prepare for without knowing. You can always put the money you would be spending on pink or blue into a savings account for after the baby is born. Or ask on your local Freecycle/Freegle, collect both, and then pass on the ones you don't need.

Kellyg

Well said Pawpurrs x

As an earlier post said, just go team yellow and enjoy it

ricey420

I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who's replied here with wellwishes and general advice - to have almost 25 replies so quickly is astonishing and I'm grateful to everyone for their input.

Don't get me wrong, we are both delighted that nothing has came up and that there no anamolies. So by comparison, our wee moan here isn't all that significant.

It's just we were a wee bit disappointed ... what ClareEmily said she was told was all we were looking for.

However I have to say that it puts it in perspective when people have said that they have been not as lucky as us with news from their 20 week scan, and our worries of "what do we buy" and "how do we prepare" are so irrelevant in comparison. You have our sympathy also for what it's worth - I couldn't even imagine how difficult it would be to embrace such news and you have my respect for that.

If what Anne1990 said about people getting abortions because of the sex - that is simply heartbreaking and (to me) outrageous and certainly hope it isn't true.

As most of the replies have stated - I guess we will just have to buy neutral colours! Cream, yellow, white, light green, red, black. Ok, maybe I'll leave all that up to her, since I'd probably have it going out looking like a dodgy tomato. :rotfl:

For those that are being quite negative and focusing on the tax issue which I raised, I'd just like to clarify that. The simple point I was making was that if cash had been physically handed overfor the service, I think that would probably soften their stance to tell us the sex if we had said "can't you just show us between it's legs?".

Someone else has made the point that even if we saw, we may be mistaken, which is an excellent point and I concede that - but that's why I said it in the first place.

I'm not a person who takes a selfish view on tax. For example, my tax pays for care for those with mental disabilities, elderly care, mountain rescue, coastguards and suchlike. I will gain no use out of these, but I pay tax so that others can and that's the way it should be.

What I said above was all that I was getting at, it wasn't just a "I pay tax so I want this and I want it now".

If I can return a flame, Jackieglasgow - I find it ironic that you say I sound like a spoiled child, yet you say "There's no need to be any less prepared because you don't know the baby's sex. I'm afraid this is one modern progression I have a huge problem with".

So you are essentially on a crusade against people who do want to know the baby's sex, simply because you don't. This isn't any of your concern, to be quite frank.

And don't use quotation marks when someone hasn't said what was contained within said marks.


To avoid ending on a negative note - another big thanks to you all. We are grateful to you! And you have made us feel a whole lot more comfortable about not knowing in advance

jackieglasgow

No not on a crusade at all :rotfl: just think its an aspect of modern medicine I think is unneccessary!

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

Oh please don't get me wrong in my post above - i too wanted to know both times around, i'm too impatient...but i did pay £79 for the privilage of finding out with my son

I had a really troubled pregnancy with DS so my hospital scans would take ages searching to make sure everything was ok....i was far too worried if baby was healthy enough to care what the gender was at that point. Once everything was ok i wanted to know (almost as a xmas pressie) what flavour baby would be. At a later scan (i had far too many) we got confirmation from the hospital (he had spread legs and his bits on show for the world to see).

But unfortunately if it is hospital policy, best to respect their rules as they clearly have found reason to do so.

Chakani

ricey420 wrote: »

For those that are being quite negative and focusing on the tax issue which I raised, I'd just like to clarify that. The simple point I was making was that if cash had been physically handed overfor the service, I think that would probably soften their stance to tell us the sex if we had said "can't you just show us between it's legs?".

True, OP, but you'd be handing over £10,000 of cash for private antenatal care to be able to dictate the care you get - those of us who don't have that in our back pockets will just have to put up with what the NHS can provide for its budget, I'm afraid - although I agree with Pawpurrs, the postcode lottery is unfair.

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

By the way there is an absolutely lovely pregnancy thread (lovely lovely people, don't be scared just dive in, you'll be welcomed i promise) and then on the the parent thread in a few months (where i am ).....come and join in, lots of advice and chit chatter to help you both through the good times and the tough!!!

PS. doesn't matter if you are a guy - you're still welcome and hope to see you ''over there'' sometime! x

Charlie1978

I'm due to have my 20 week scan next month. First and foremost I want to know the baby is well. I think that much goes without saying to be honest. Then...(don't shoot me!) I would really like to know the sex. I can understand the OP for wanting to know. I can see where the 'tax' statement was taken all wrongly and I think the OP handled himself quite well in that respect.

I however am not going to make excuses. I want to know my baby is healthy foremost. But after that? Hell yeah if my hospital says they know I want to know the sex! It won't change anything. In fact, it'll hardly make an impact on my clothes buying and we'll not be painting any rooms a certain colour.

But I want to know. If the hospital won't/can't tell me then i'll pay for it. That's ok. I guess that's the price for wanting that little bit extra

Tulip09

Good luck with the pregnancy and birth i was told with all 4 pregnancys that i was having a boy. I now have 1 boy (1 boy still birth) and 2 girls stick to neutral colours and you wont go wrong.

patchwork_cat

Can second that people do have abortions based on sex and here in West Yorkshire it was policy not to tell the sex to anybody when I had mine for just that reason as girls are aborted.

I believe that if one person in Sussex is told the sex of their baby then so should a person in Liverpool, for example.

This thread follows a textbook pattern of attack. One person comes along who disagrees with an eloquent and polite first post, then others come out of the woodwork and the thread turns on its head to all out attack. A classic! If you don't agree with an OP fine, but do not attack, be aggressive or derogatory. The OP has a valid view, it is what he feels. One should always remember that whilst you may have had a bad day at the office and to attack on a forum to take out your aggression may seem fun, at the other end is a person with a concern.