Rent = Happy Girlfriend or Buy = Moody Girlfriend

BigTone

Good morning,

Bit of a strange one this, been with my partner for 5 years, plan to get a house, married kids etc. all in good time.
I had 30k worth of debt as of 3 years ago, down to about 5K now (woohoo - I am 24), so the last 3 years have been a matter of paying off debt, no saving.

Every 6 months or so my partner says she wants to move out, so we go through the same old argument of my position and the time it will take for me to be debt free. I have planned to have 10K-15K towards deposit for a house in March 2012.

Sorted, or so I thought. Now she is adament about moving out, renting a place in the city, a one bedroom apartment in a typical "modern block".

I have many bad feelings about this;
1. It is hardly what I call a home, no garden, garage freedom to decorate etc.
2. Since I have been saving/budgeting hard for the last 3 years, she has not, making me wonder if we start renting at £600-£700Pcm will we ever manage to save up a deposit for a home?
3. I dont want to fall into the rental trap and end up staying there for years.

I have said if we can hang on a little over 12 months we could get our own home, (Her dad will match my deposit).

I earn £35-£50K overtime dependant and she earns £20K so a good mortgage with a nice deposit should get us a place of or own.

I am willing to do this with her but have made it clear that it will be tougher than it is now moneywise and we may end up renting for quite a while.

Sorry for the long post, what do you think, rent or sit tight?

Gwhiz

So are you living with parents now?

My experience in life (47 now) is that women lack the patience of men in these situations. Your plan sounds perfect and is looking more long term. She's "needing" to make a nest by the sounds of it.

Can't help - they are mostly all the same

poppysarah

You need to clear your debt and start saving...

You need to discuss her lack of saving too.

BigTone

Gwhiz wrote: »

So are you living with parents now?

My experience in life (47 now) is that women lack the patience of men in these situations. Your plan sounds perfect and is looking more long term. She's "needing" to make a nest by the sounds of it.

Can't help - they are mostly all the same

Yes we are still with parents, who are only seperated by a cuple of hundered metres and her father is away all the time so we do have time together, I know ts not ideal but my "plan" for the future is;

I would like a "home", nothing fancy, but a home, not an apartment in the city centre. I know that this would suit her in the short term because she doesn't drive and would be able to walk to work.

But what if she moves jobs, or somethig?

I am scared that she is only looking at te next month or two and not the next 30 years+

I do love her and want us to be together, but the way I have been brought up is "steady away, slowly slowly wins the race" so to speak.

Sorry for the rant, its just frustrating me, I am very close to just "giving in" and living with the concequences!

missile

30K in debt is a bad start in life but you are takling the problem. Nothing wrong with a one bed flat.

BigTone

poppysarah wrote: »

You need to clear your debt and start saving...

You need to discuss her lack of saving too.

That is my focus, has been for years now and now that "we" are so close frustrates me as "we" are not there yet and I feel tat this may be a big mistake.

Sure we will ave more time together, which is the main reason for wanting to move out, but I think it will ave serious concequences 5 or 6 years down the line.

Lack of saving, :mad::mad: She owes me more money than anyone else, and I'm the one in debt!!!! crazy.

You know, when I write this down, I can't believe what I am doing, maybe a harder line approach is needed!

poppysarah

You need to sit down and have the "future" conversation. About buying a house (def not a flat!) and settling down and being in a proper committeed relationship and if you both want children etc.

BigTone

missile wrote: »

30K in debt is a bad start in life but you are takling the problem. Nothing wrong with a one bed flat.

Nope, nothing wrong at all, yep I made a huge mistake in my early years, but also learnt a valuble lesson.....will NEVER go there again!

Our original "plan" was to go for a home together, nothing fancy, but not in the middle of a city, somewhere we could do up and sell on.

I know life doesn't always go to plan by any means, but I still think we would be taking a big risk/delaying the prospect of "our own place" by quite a few years if we start renting early next year.

Gwhiz

What's the saying - be cruel to be kind!

If you let her get her way then you jeopardize your long term plan - not good.

Stick with it and make sure you talk to each other. If there is one thing my 47 years have taught me it's that problems do not solve themselves, they need to be acted upon. Open, honest discussion is needed here - you need to make he understand that another year of "sacrifice" will open the doors to a better future for you both and that one year out of another 60 or so is not a lot.

poppysarah

BigTone wrote: »

, somewhere we could do up and sell on.

I'm taking a guess but it'll be you doing the work not her... Unless it's something you want to do (And it's more satisfying doing it for a long term home than trying to turn a profit in todays market)

BigTone

poppysarah wrote: »

You need to sit down and have the "future" conversation. About buying a house (def not a flat!) and settling down and being in a proper committeed relationship and if you both want children etc.

We go through this chat about every 6 months, then everything is agreed and "we" are "knuckling down and saving up", then it all comes around again.

I think the fact that her father has already told her that he has a 10K deposit for her makes her think that she doesn't need to bother.

I was thinking of talking to him and saying he should change it to,

"whatever you save I will match, or double, or something"

But I dont want to interfere or scupper things for her, I just want her to be on the same track as me, she doesn't realise how lucky she is sometimes.