Can't afford Child Support Payments and Uni Fees

kazire

hey im sorry that you are feeling bad but i dont understand why your daughter is expecting you to pay for her? I left uni 1 year ago and paied for it all myself - my parents maybe bought me a few things when i went home like a new item of clothing and i think a train fare home once. I didnt expect my parents to pay for it even though they are in a good position to do so. I think by me paying for myself i have learnt a valuable lesson. i am not the only one who has done this many of my friends at uni were in the same situation i hope this helps please dont feel bad - my parents dont feel bad at all!

Svenena

I also finished uni last year and both I and the vast majority of my friends were funding themselves through student loans and/or part-time jobs, without any financial help from parents. I even managed to clear the credit card debt I'd had when I went in. I guess DSD must not understand how much funding is available. Not sure many 18 year olds go to uni expecting to be paid for by their parents - the norm is to self-fund through the government loans (and grants if you're lucky enough to get them). You receive a partial grant if the household income is less than £50,000. However I think the loan plus a part-time job should easily cover everything, if you're careful.

sueeve

Am still not clear what the problem is with speaking with the school. What did they say about her potential at the last parent evening? Do her current grades point to HE? What potential did her report at the end of last term suggest?

janthemum

Im struggling with this. My son has just started Uni myself and OH are not funding him in any way apart from feeding him when he moves back home on his hols from uni. But then ? your DSD will not be staying with you for all the hol weeks (perhaps I have that wrong though...)

My son has a maintenance grant and tuition grant which HE will pay back.

If he cant manage that he will try and get a job when he gets home for hols. He will and has done anything bar work, shop Mc D etc.

I cant afford to fund him.

He got 4 sraight As and doing Maths,

But HE is funding it and I am emotionally supporting him which I believe your DH should be and allow her to reach her decision. He DOSnt have to Pay for it!!!

In a week or so I may pop a £20 note in an envelope for him and send it but will be the first time I have done this since Sept. it will be a treat for him but this is only time I have done it.

We earn just over £30K so he gets no grants just loans.

So get a grip it can be done.

smartpicture

Now is the time for her to start thinking of getting a part-time job. Both my daughters got part-time jobs from the age of 15 and saved around £3000 each before they went to Uni (including working virtually full-time in the holidays for a couple of years). It's not just about the money, but it looks so much better on their Uni and future job applications, whatever they decide to do.

property.advert

Sorry but he / you have had all the years since the birth to sort out university funding. Have you blown any money in the intervening years ? gambled on the lottery ? been out to the pub or bought take away food ? If so, then explain to the child that you have spent the university money on yourselves and that you cannot afford to pay out of your current income because you want to continue to blow money on yourself.

spamalot

'blow money on yourself' love it - if only LOL!!

Really good of you to read my original post before you dished out those nuggets of advice!

ellay864

My son has just started uni and is doing so based on him using his student loan. The payments he gets are based on mine and my OH's salary and together we're just at the range so he gets a miniscule amount of grant (approx £60) so all his money is loan that he'll pay back. His dad and I have helped but he's always worked on the understanding that it's up to him to sort himself out. He hasn't yet got a job...he says he's looked but I don't know how hard! - so he doesn't go out as much as some of his mates at uni.
Your SD has time to get herself set up with a part time job and also to do some serious thinking about what she really wants. You mention her dad taking her to interviews and supporting her which is great but she really does need to do a lot of thinking for herself and choose something that she really wants and which is realistic, not just what her friends are doing. And she needs to start thinking about it now. It's no longer good enough to get the GCSE grades for the subject you want to do at A level...unis are going to be looking at GCSE results across the board more and more. Places at uni are getting harder to come by and they will look for students who are more all rounders...if she's not getting good grades in Maths and English her chances are pretty slim to be frank. Even students with predicted good grades are struggling to get places...if she doesn't get herself in good shape during her GCSE time she will struggle later.
If she really wants uni she has to work now - school/college and also job wise, and be prepared to live off a loan and not rely on you if she makes it to uni

MrsRogers

Just been reading through the thread and thought id put my 2p's worth in!!

It sounds like DSD is choosing to go to Uni because her friends are... the reality is very different. So many young people go to Uni taking random subjects and doing nothing with them because its the 'cool' thing to do. If you have not done so already why not get loads of stuff off the net/school re careers advice. I personally would be having the conversation that there is no point doing something without an end goal in mind. She needs to choose a career or at the very least and industry and then research the BEST way for her to get to where she wants.
This is exactly what I did and ended up not going to Uni and by the time my friends left I too was living in my own place on a very good salary and have continued to do well.
I am not knocking Uni as it is the right way to 'train' for certain careers but without something in mind there will be no determination to do well... and its just an easy option.

Has DH and EX had a mutual conversation about this?? DSD sounds like she is being a little bit assumptive in her attitude especially with tears and tantrums. Does DSD have a job? pocket money? Maybe worth her earning any money she receives to teach her the value of it... we certainly know how hard we have to work to get any!!

Best of luck

Fang_3

janthemum wrote: »

Im struggling with this. My son has just started Uni myself and OH are not funding him in any way apart from feeding him when he moves back home on his hols from uni. But then ? your DSD will not be staying with you for all the hol weeks (perhaps I have that wrong though...)

My son has a maintenance grant and tuition grant which HE will pay back.

If he cant manage that he will try and get a job when he gets home for hols. He will and has done anything bar work, shop Mc D etc.

I cant afford to fund him.

He got 4 sraight As and doing Maths,

But HE is funding it and I am emotionally supporting him which I believe your DH should be and allow her to reach her decision. He DOSnt have to Pay for it!!!

In a week or so I may pop a £20 note in an envelope for him and send it but will be the first time I have done this since Sept. it will be a treat for him but this is only time I have done it.

We earn just over £30K so he gets no grants just loans.

So get a grip it can be done.

If you earn just over £30k as you claim, and he gets the grants that you claim, then you might not be supporting him, but the taxpayer is.