Can't afford Child Support Payments and Uni Fees

Caroline_a

I think that one of the things that has come out of the student loan debate is that now students need to decide whether going to university is worth the massive debt that they will be saddled with. If she's doing the tearful episodes then she doesnt really want to go.... she just wants to go and have fun and let someone else pick up the bill!

Additionally there is now a massive drop-out rate from universities, which means that she could end up with a loan and no degree! One girl who was in school with my daughter came home after day 1, and another after 2 weeks! However, they were both still liable for 12 months' worth of fees....

Ask yourself the question, at what point will she take responsibility for herself, and additionally if your OH puts his hand in his pocket to pay for some of this, will she allow restrictions on what she spends the money on, such as no drink, no going out....

RAS

Caroline_a wrote: »

IAdditionally there is now a massive drop-out rate from universities, which means that she could end up with a loan and no degree! One girl who was in school with my daughter came home after day 1, and another after 2 weeks! However, they were both still liable for 12 months' worth of fees....

No, the one who stayed 2 weeks might have to pay 10% of her fees. the other one should pay nothing.

What both need to do URGENTLY is to repay any student loans for this year.

You only get 4 years worth of money (with a few exceptions for very long courses) and these ex-students have had one year's allowance, unless they pay the money back.

If they do this now, they should still be able to get 4 year's allowance later.

If they do not, they will be able to start another course, but if there are any problems which means they need an extra year, there is no funding available and they will be on full cost fees plus self-funding maintenance.

Bennifred

OP, I think you're jumping the gun. If your DSD struggles with both English and Maths at this level it is unlikely that she would cope at "A" level. If she does go on to study "A" levels then there are two years for her to get a part-time job to save for university. If she doesn't want to do that, she's obviously not that bothered about going.

Your husband really shouldn't allow himself to be made to feel guilty at all. At 18 they are considered adults - why should he be paying for her choices?

For what it's worth, we made it quite clear to our three that once they left school their choices would have to be funded by them - whether through work or student loans. They all three have accepted that as entirely fair. DS1 dropped out of university and so has student loans to pay with nothing to show for it - his choice. DS2 is in his 3rd year and expecting to do well - he'll have loans to pay off, too. DS3 is currently applying for university - he'll be taking out student loans, too. They have all worked part-time as soon as they were old enough, which has made a huge difference to how they coped with the financial aspect of university. It seems to be the usual way of doing things amongst everyone of my aquaintance.

Bubby

I hope it doesn't come to this but she has the right to pursue a court order for university costs (don't shoot the messenger:o) so just be aware that this could happen. I don't know the percentages of children vs their non resident parents success rate but it does happen.

gratefulforhelp_2

spamalot wrote: »

Contacting the school directly is a good idea, may have to broach this tactfully with hubby. Any suggestion that may imply that DSD is not giving us the full picture meets with disapproval.

Just to add, her mum is not able to offer any assistance whatsoever.

OP having read that the disapproval is from your DH, I feel you may be falling into a bit of a trap here, if he disapproves of finding out how she's doing at school (and that worries me) then he is presumably happy with the status quo.

While I can quite see that this whole thing may affect your own life, there is a danger that if you get involved, when anything goes wrong, you will become the stepmother scapegoat. Not a pleasant role, maybe it is best to just let your DH deal with it.

After all, as several people have pointed out, it is not a foregone conclusion that this young woman will gain the qualifications for university anyway.

onlyroz

I'm not sure about the full ins-and-outs of university education these days, but I thought the theory was that a student didn't have to rely on their parents. They would get grants/loans to over tuition fees and living expenses, all to be paid back on graduation.

spamalot

Thanks again guys. Just to provide some feedback:

While I can quite see that this whole thing may affect your own life, there is a danger that if you get involved, when anything goes wrong, you will become the stepmother scapegoat. Not a pleasant role, maybe it is best to just let your DH deal with it

Any additional money paid out to support her at uni would come out of my income as well as DH's because there is no way he could do anything extra on his own. TBH there is nothing that I can do either as my margins are tight enough as it is. Therefore I am involved whether its a good thing or not. It's not simply a case of standing by and letting them sort it out.

I hope it doesn't come to this but she has the right to pursue a court order for university costs (don't shoot the messenger) so just be aware that this could happen.

We have got legal advice on this issue in the past when working out long term costings. Legal advice was that it would be very, very unlikely to succeed based on our income and would probably cost more in legal fees to pursue than would ever be awarded. It would be very sad if it ever got to this point particularly as DH has busted a gut to pay more CS than required, the fall out would be atrocious and would be something that we would be anxious to avoid if at all possible. But as they say you cannot get blood from a stone.

jackieglasgow

dmg24 wrote: »

That is pretty evident from your post!

You need to think before you post. The person to whom you referred this nasty comment is living with a brain tumour at the moment. Shame on you!

Alibat

What exactly is DSD wanting you to pay for? Her tuition fees would be paid for by a loan in her name, and her student loan would/should cover her halls fees. All she needs to do then is get a part time job to fund food/clothes/going out costs and she doesn't need any financial support from you.

Slightly off topic but if she expects you to fund her past the age of eighteen just where does she think your responsibility ends? When you've bought her a car? A house?

Incidentally I saw mention in the thread of her doing an NHS funded course. My elder DD finished an NHS course last summer. They paid her tuition fees and she could get half a student loan and an NHS bursary. The bursary was means tested on our income and we were given a figure of what they expected us to give her alongside it, and it ran well over £1,000 each year. Our younger DD has started uni this year on a 'normal' self funded course and at no point have we been told that we are expected to give her any money (although we are helping her out).

Bogof_Babe

Caroline_a wrote: »

If I were you, I would sit her down and talk to her about her options. Going to university because your friends are going is not a reason, it's a cop-out. In my opinion, there are far too many people going to university unnecessarily now, hence the huge debts and large numbers of student unemployment. Going to university which will rack up debts for her is only a good idea if it will forward whatever career she chooses.

My youngest daughter went to uni. She graduated this summer, and is now doing 2 jobs to make ends meet. Her student loans are around £20k, so she's going to be a while before all those are paid off!

Middle daughter, however, chose not to. She worked hard and by the time she was 22 (when she would have finished university) she was earning around £50k a year, and had her own (new) car and flat.

I went to university and did a business and engineering degree, which was very quickly outdated by the time I'd taken time out to have the children. Luckily I had a small grant, so no debts apart from the usual overdraft. That option is no longer open to most students, and it's looking like a £20k debt will be very small indeed compared with those in 5 years time...

Apologies for digressing from the question, but I would love to know what this young woman does, to be earning £50K a year at age 22 with no degree. Did she do some sort of vocational training while in work?