Can't afford Child Support Payments and Uni Fees

spamalot

Both myself and my husband feel like horrible people at the moment..

My DSD was set on going to college to do a diploma to get qualified in Child Care. For ages, this was her goal (she is 15 going on 16). Now she has decided she wants to do A levels and go to uni just like her friends :eek: She has a younger sibling, and we are currently paying child support for the two kids. There is absolutely no way we can afford to support her through uni and pay child support, not possible.

My husband had a chat with her to find out more about this change of heart and see how the land lay. She was insistent that this is what she wanted to do and was under the impression that we would pay for her to do it. My husband very gently broached the subject with her that we couldn't afford it. He did stress that there are other ways of getting a degree (part-time courses, etc) so it didn't have to stop her career ambitions just that he wasn't in a position to pay. She got very upset and was very emotional. Now my husband feels awful and I don't know what to say to him. He knows that the bottom line is we can't afford it but he feels like he has just won the 'worst dad in the world award'. Friends have told me that we shouldn't have said anything until after the A levels, but our logic was that it would be unfair to pull the rug out later on, without giving her the chance to really think through her college options now. We may have got it wrong but then who doesn't!?

Is there anyone out there in the same boat?

Spam

RAS

Hi

You might be better off on the Child Supoport Forum. Di you realsie that Child Support only covers her until she leaves school? She does not get it when she goes to university (or rather it ceases on September 1 after she finishes A Levels).

halight

Can she not just pau for uni herself? I did not go to uni, but i know loads of peopel that have beeen and pay paid for themself with grants,loans, and part time work in pubs and shops.

Im sorry that she got upset at you not being able to aford it. But there are 1000s of people out there who have childen that go to uni and pay there own way.
The real world is tuff and life if not easy. Children today have it very easy and many have a shock when they find out what the real world is all about.

I hope that you can sort somthing out.

kegg_2

she will have to do what most uni student do and that is take out the loans available and work a part time job to support herself.

Tell your oh not to feel bad about it as most of us with children will be in the same boat if/when ours decide to go to uni

FatVonD

Could you put it to her that, we currently pay X in child support which we are happy to pay directly to you if you're at Uni, we can afford to give you an extra XX to help out but you will need to look into how much extra you will need on top of that and where that will come from (student loan/part time job/other parent)?

Good luck

spamalot

Ras,

Thanks for your reply. Its not really the child support that's the problem. That's set and we will pay it until the youngest reaches 18, which will be for another 8 years. Its the fact that there is no way we can help with uni support for the eldest whilst also paying child support for the youngest. All that in addition to our own mortgage, living costs etc. There is no way we can make it work.

It's more the fact that we feel like the baddies! is there anyone in the same position - how did you handle it?

Clive_Woody

Some things to think about, if she choses a vocational university course (medicine, dentistry, pharmacy, nursing, law, etc) where there is a pretty good chance of a job with a regular salary once she graduates then she could consider funding herself through university. Yes she would come out with considerable debts but would have a means of paying these once she started working. She could also work over the various holidays (students have a lot of time off) to earn some money to avoid the debts getting too big.

Going to a local Uni would save money (accomodation, utilities, etc) but effectively you would then be supporting her by providing a roof over her head and food.

She could also consider a gap year (or two) where she works and earns some money post A-levels to fund her time at university.

There are still options, but she (and you) do need to think carefully about might work.

shell_girl

If she wants to go to Uni, then she'll need to take out a student loan and find a part time job to see her through.

I realise that things will change over the next few years with regard to HE, but have the three of you looked at loan amount vs course and accomodation fees? Also check in case her circumstances/ choice of course/ choice of location mean she could be entitled to a bursary or a higher loan.

This conversation will give you all the chance to explore the motivation behind wanting to 'go to uni like her friends'. If she just wants to go and get drunk for three years then she needs to realise that she will be paying through the nose for the privelege!

While I accept that some parents are able to pay their child's uni fees, it's definitely not the norm. This is a really good opportunity for her to start thinking about what she really wants to do for the next few years, and for her to do enough research to make sure she makes an informed decision.

clw1

Unfortunatly most parents are now unable to pay for all the various costs of uni so you are in no way alone. But if she decides that uni is for her then she can get various loans and depending on where she goes there are various busaries / scholorsips that she may be elligable for (look on a few uni websites to see what she may be entitled too).

Otherwise if she wants to do a nursing degree then often she can be funded by the NHS so wouldn't have to pay fees jsut living costs.

gratefulforhelp_2

If CS is paid through CSA then it ceases when her CB stops, which will be when she starts uni.

What are her predicted grades like/how has she done so far in her GCSEs? That will indicate what is right for her educationally, and if you then decide to go against what is right for her educationally, then you have answered your own question.

No point, though, in getting stressed about affording uni until such a time as she has GCSE grades/predicted grades that make that a possible.

spamalot

Thanks to all for your responses, very interesting to get different points of view.

In terms of GCSE's she has for the last few years told us she hates studying and doesn't enjoy academic stuff! she struggles with maths and english, and has to work hard to concentrate on doing the work. We really don't know what she is going to get in terms of grades as she hasn't always been very forthcoming.

The subject she wants to do at Uni isn't clear but she has mentioned Geography, History and Education.