Can't afford Child Support Payments and Uni Fees

Caroline_a

She managed a team of software sales people. She worked really really hard for the position she achieved, and was promoted because she was good at what she did.
(and only on-job training, no qualifications although her current company have talked about funding an MBA for her - should also point out that her A level results were good enough for her to go to a good university, her choice not to go)

gratefulforhelp_2

spamalot wrote: »

Any additional money paid out to support her at uni would come out of my income as well as DH's because there is no way he could do anything extra on his own. TBH there is nothing that I can do either as my margins are tight enough as it is. Therefore I am involved whether its a good thing or not. It's not simply a case of standing by and letting them sort it out.

If this is the case, then DH should be asking you and you should not be having to tippy toe around issues like how well she is doing at school.

"Dear I'd like you to fund my daughter through uni, but you are not allowed to ask what her academic chances are" doesn't seem quite right.

If this is the case then it is a purely academic argument, you cannot afford to help out and so will not.

I'm suggesting that you will not be thanked for your involvement, step parents are too easy to blame when things go wrong.

spamalot

"Dear I'd like you to fund my daughter through uni, but you are not allowed to ask what her academic chances are" doesn't seem quite right.

That did make me chuckle gratefulforhelp, I was imaging him saying that to me!!!!

DH knows my position, I have made it very clear. We have discussed it again tonight and are standing firm, we cannot afford to do it. If she wants to go down the uni route then she is going to have to take responsibility for it. As DH said, it will really confirm if she is serious or not, as well as clarifying what she wants to do. He says he will not give into emotional blackmail and seems fairly resolute now. I think the guilt has given way to the reality.Plus there is the reality that whatever we do for the eldest we have to do for the youngest and there really is no way we can do it twice, let alone once.

Bubby

spamalot wrote: »

We have got legal advice on this issue in the past when working out long term costings. Legal advice was that it would be very, very unlikely to succeed based on our income and would probably cost more in legal fees to pursue than would ever be awarded. It would be very sad if it ever got to this point particularly as DH has busted a gut to pay more CS than required, the fall out would be atrocious and would be something that we would be anxious to avoid if at all possible. But as they say you cannot get blood from a stone.

Are you sure she would have to pay legal fees?

Sambucus_Nigra

spamalot wrote: »

DH knows my position, I have made it very clear. We have discussed it again tonight and are standing firm, we cannot afford to do it. If she wants to go down the uni route then she is going to have to take responsibility for it. As DH said, it will really confirm if she is serious or not, as well as clarifying what she wants to do. He says he will not give into emotional blackmail and seems fairly resolute now. I think the guilt has given way to the reality.Plus there is the reality that whatever we do for the eldest we have to do for the youngest and there really is no way we can do it twice, let alone once.

Actually - doing it this way means she can blame you and your OH if she doesn't get good exam results [I didn't bother - you weren't going to help me anyway].

What I would do is to sit her down and ask her how exactly she was planning on getting good enough grades to even apply for Uni - and that with the political situation the way it is nobody knows about future funding so lets do it one step at a time......and see her prove that she is serious before she goes flouncing off crying.

spamalot

Bubby,

Solicitor seemed to think she could apply for legal aid but would be unlikely to get it. Particularly on the basis that the court order stipulates payment of support until the end of secondary education, so there is no order to enforce. Financial support for tertiary education is not mandatory. Solicitor assured us that it would be very unlikely to be successful. Of course, if it did happen then we would have to contest it.

This would be a nightmare scenario as it would really damage their relationship. Its a pretty sad state of affairs if a child sues their parent for money when they know they simply cannot afford it. DH has never ever missed a CM payment and has maintained regular contact with the kids to ensure they have a good relationship. I am proud of him for doing this as there are loads of dead beat dads out there who do everything they can to get out of their responsibilities. If this happened it would crush him.

fantafan

Caroline_a wrote: »

I think that one of the things that has come out of the student loan debate is that now students need to decide whether going to university is worth the massive debt that they will be saddled with. If she's doing the tearful episodes then she doesnt really want to go.... she just wants to go and have fun and let someone else pick up the bill!

Additionally there is now a massive drop-out rate from universities, which means that she could end up with a loan and no degree! One girl who was in school with my daughter came home after day 1, and another after 2 weeks! However, they were both still liable for 12 months' worth of fees....

Ask yourself the question, at what point will she take responsibility for herself, and additionally if your OH puts his hand in his pocket to pay for some of this, will she allow restrictions on what she spends the money on, such as no drink, no going out....

Not sure if it's the same for all Uni's but fees aren't chargeable at mine for staying so short a time so don't always believe what people tell you - http://www.lancs.ac.uk/sbs/all/wt.htm

There is also the fact that fees are no doubt increasing so by the time she wants to go to University it is likely to be more. She may reconsider by then...she may not make the grades she needs and she may not want to go after studying for her a-levels. There are also bursaries, scholarships for good grades etc. I think the chances are that by the time she goes to Uni, you won't be the only parents struggling including her friends so the shine may go off it and the Government will probably be bigging up apprenticeships and on-job training with an income incentive!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Don't worry so much - looking after yourself is one of the main points of going to University - she just hasn't realised that yet.

She's probably already tried the same tactics on her Mum and SD and met an unfavourable response from them, hence the emotional blackmail from her now.

By all means, once she's done her AS levels and got good grades, help her with the University application process and costs to visit them, etc, but nowt until then. Lots of advice on handling her own money, feeding herself on a tight budget, washing clothes, etc.

Eventually you'll either find out that she doesn't want to do it anymore or you have one of the best prepared teenagers on campus

Wilma33

You need to have another conversation with her, and quickly before she stops trying at school. Explain to her that you have now done your research and were too hasty before. She can go to uni if she gets the grades, takes out the loans and gets a job. If she is serious then she should be looking for a part time job now and saving her wages in a "uni fund". She could save up thousands over the next 2 years.

BillTrac

jackieglasgow wrote: »

You need to think before you post. The person to whom you referred this nasty comment is living with a brain tumour at the moment. Shame on you!

I assume that DMG was commenting on the poor spelling etc. so hardly nasty. Like DMG my first thought was that the poster wasn't very well educated. And like DMG, I don't search the forum to check on people's health status when commenting on a post. What next? Every post has to state how well the poster is?