Charging rent for 21 year old

Savvy_Sue

kimlisa66 wrote: »

Am I being too soft ?

Yes. Your son in the army will be doing his own laundry during the week, and should not be treating you like a hotel. I don't know how you communicate that to him, but give him a choice: he can pay you (at least) £100 per weekend for the present level of service, or he can pay whatever you think is fair for food (don't underprice yourself!) and utilities and do his own laundry, or he can go elsewhere!

You could perhaps show him the budget you're living to. It's not as if you don't NEED the money!

I know it will be hard if he chooses the last option, but hopefully he will quickly appreciate you if he does.

Could you afford to go away with the little one weekend soon? If you can, leave NO food in the house for him! I'm not even sure I'd tell him I wouldn't be there. He is taking you for granted.

LillyJ

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Yes. Your son in the army will be doing his own laundry during the week, and should not be treating you like a hotel. I don't know how you communicate that to him, but give him a choice: he can pay you (at least) £100 per weekend for the present level of service, or he can pay whatever you think is fair for food (don't underprice yourself!) and utilities and do his own laundry, or he can go elsewhere!

You could perhaps show him the budget you're living to. It's not as if you don't NEED the money!

I know it will be hard if he chooses the last option, but hopefully he will quickly appreciate you if he does.

Could you afford to go away with the little one weekend soon? If you can, leave NO food in the house for him! I'm not even sure I'd tell him I wouldn't be there. He is taking you for granted.

£100 per weekend????? He would be better off in a Travelodge, and could get his washing done at a laundrette service wash and eat at McDonalds with the change.

I only pay £67 in rent for the whole week and probably another £50 on top of that for ALL bills including internet, phone, etc. And my rent isn't exactly cheap.

I think it would be fair to charge him for the food he eats and a reasonable amount to cover bills that increase by him being there (an extra person for 2 nights a week doesn't increase bills by very much I know that from when OH was on residential training to be a police officer.) If you don't want to do his washing, don't do it. If you do want to, make sure he knows it is a favour and not a right.

Savvy_Sue

My point is, he IS treating his mum's place like a hotel. If he wants a hotel he should pay for one.

Actually even if mine were likely to be prepared to pay that kind of money for weekends at home, I still wouldn't do it. We live in a family home, not a hotel. Families work together to do what needs to be done.

LillyJ

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

My point is, he IS treating his mum's place like a hotel. If he wants a hotel he should pay for one.

Actually even if mine were likely to be prepared to pay that kind of money for weekends at home, I still wouldn't do it. We live in a family home, not a hotel. Families work together to do what needs to be done.

What would you rather your kids didn't come home at the weekend? Being in the army time at home is precious, he won't get much of it once he has finished his trade training.

My family home is always open to me. My mum might do my washing as a favour if I have sat a particularly stressful exam or something but generally I do my own. I don't pay to visit. But I live 100 miles away and only go home on the rare weekend. My sister however is just finishing uni and stays for longer periods of time in the holidays. She isn't earning but if she was then my parents would only really ask for rent if it was a permanent arrangement.

However if the lad is staying at the weekend (would you rather not let your kids home for the weekend??) then he should pay his way, what it costs his mum (as she needs the money). But to charge £100 is not fair.

Just stop doing his washing and ask for a contribution to the bills and food! Or let him buy his own food. TBH being in the army does not really allow you to know the true cost of things like food and electricity so he may genuinely not know how expensive it is.

Savvy_Sue

LillyJ wrote: »

What would you rather your kids didn't come home at the weekend? Being in the army time at home is precious, he won't get much of it once he has finished his trade training.

Well, I would rather my kids didn't take advantage of me like that. I'm making it clear that that's what I think is happening. If it takes a strong message to get it across, that's what I'd do.

LillyJ wrote: »

TBH being in the army does not really allow you to know the true cost of things like food and electricity so he may genuinely not know how expensive it is.

Now that's true. Sitting down with him as an adult and showing him how much it costs to run a family home might get the message across - the 18 year old has 'got it', it seems.

You see I wonder WHY this lad is home every weekend. If he's coming because he loves his mum and wants to see his little brother and sister more than anything in the world, that's great. But I can't help wondering if he's coming because it saves him doing his own laundry, and he can doss round and do whatever he feels like (unlike in the army!)

When my eldest comes home from Uni, he carries on doing his own washing. SOMETIMES I offer to do it, particularly if he's got half a load at the end of the holiday, so he can take it all back clean, but he still says no, there's no point. I don't charge him rent while he's studying, but then I don't top up his loan either.

so, first step kim, tell him you're not doing his laundry next weekend, make plans, be too busy, put your arm in a sling or something! Don't fill the fridge with things just for him - let him buy his own beer, for example! And then work out what else you want to see happen! Things CAN change!

LillyJ

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

You see I wonder WHY this lad is home every weekend. If he's coming because he loves his mum and wants to see his little brother and sister more than anything in the world, that's great. But I can't help wondering if he's coming because it saves him doing his own laundry, and he can doss round and do whatever he feels like (unlike in the army!)

quote]

Often during Army training you are kicked off base during leave. His training is obviously excluding weekends and therefore he has to stay somewhere during the weekends. I had a friend who used to stay at mine when he was in basic training on leave as his parents had moved to Spain.
It's not like Uni where you just come and go as you please!

Savvy_Sue

OK, fair enough, but I still think he's taking advantage. And his mum no doubt feels guilty / worried about him going on active service and that she'll regret it if she doesn't let him do as he pleases, etc etc etc.

We had one family member in the army, who wouldn't LET mum do laundry when home on leave because it wasn't done well enough!

LillyJ

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

OK, fair enough, but I still think he's taking advantage. And his mum no doubt feels guilty / worried about him going on active service and that she'll regret it if she doesn't let him do as he pleases, etc etc etc.

We had one family member in the army, who wouldn't LET mum do laundry when home on leave because it wasn't done well enough!

My Brother in Law is like that, it's great! If I start ironing my shirt when he is round he gets really frustrated and grabs the iron and does it for me! Result! He is a marine.

kimlisa66

Hi again

Just reading the replies and there are some very valid points there.

Just to clarify a few things, he comes home really because he hates the base he is staying at, its in Chatham in Kent and apparently its a dump, home is much better apparently, and free !

I did suggest that if he wasnt prepared to contribute pro rata to the bills and food, he could book into the local travel lodge where he wouldnt get his laundry done, washed and ironed or food for that matter !

We had a storming row when he asked what was for dinner earlier. I said nothing, you havent paid me anything towards your food, therefore there is no dinner ! He threw his dummy and went out !

A few hours later he came back and offered a fiver in exchange for a fridge load of ready meals for next weekend....I laughed until I wet myself.:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Basically Iv'e spoilt him to the extent that he is incapable of doing anthing for himself so I am now rectifying that, and although its painful, its working and he realises I am not backing down. He is an adult and to be treated like an adult he has to start acting like one, and that includes contributing to the household bills, no matter how few days he spends there.

It is his family home and he will be welcome there whenever he wants but, only if he recognises I am not an unpaid slave and the house isn't a hotel for him to doss down in free of charge.:cool: :money:

Kim x

Savvy_Sue

Sounds like a good start, kim.

Hopefully now you can have an adult discussion with him.

And surely, if nothing else, the army have taught him to do his own laundry! :rotfl:

Does the army no longer 'encourage' an allowance to be sent to Mother? I know it used to ...