Divorcee remarrying in Catholic church?

BubblyMumbles

Madness!!

This thread is proof of why all religions are dangerous, and ultimately involve a lot of brainwashing.

BTW, my MIL is a practising Catholic, DH was brought up Catholic, and I'm a divorcee. Civil ceremony, in, out, no worries.

poppyscorner

I was a follower of the Catholic religion and was married to my now ex husband in a civil ceremony in another country our marriage bore two children and unfortunately two affairs

DS1 was baptised in catholic church and DS2 has not been baptised we split when he was very young after the second affair came out of his closet and he left to be with the other woman. I spoke with our priest and I felt like I had done something wrong in the whole situation he was completely and utterly against divorce.

DS1 attends our local RC school and when we split he was attending church with me every Sunday and he went to Sunday school whilst I went to Mass. After all of the debate that went on I became very uncomfortable with how things were. I felt that church was a part of my life and had helped me through some terrible times in the past however I was not happy about being made to feel I was wrong for wanting to and then proceeding to divorce my ex husband. I then met my now fiance (who is also Catholic) and we have since moived in together (living in sin so to speak) After more debate and the priest saying upon our engagement that he would not marry us I have left the church I was initially saddenned but I didn't agree and I couldn't change it so I left. I am continuing to raise my sons in the ways of the catholic church because I made promises when I had DS1 baptised and DS1 loves his school and has a really strong faith and I haven't said anything to him about my feelings on the subject.

Of course I now find myself in the predicament that DS2 is not baptised and nor is he likely to be as I now have to attend church for 6 months in order to achieve this and I cannot commit to that. I am remarrying in a civil ceremony that was our choice as a couple and I'm happy with it. After the initial humiliation and anger I had towards the church I have now accepted it and have moved on and I don't have strong feelings either way I have my own beliefs and I worship my own way as many other people in this country do. I take DS to big religious festivals such as christmas and easter but I keep a low profile and refuse to discuss my situation with the church.

OP I think you're friend has to either accept how things are and move on or she will remain angry for a long time. I will never take any blame or criticism for the breakdown of my first marriage what my ex husband did was wrong I and our children were the innocent parties in that as far as I am concerned and I've learned to turn a blind eye to what the church may think of me or my lifestyle choices. When I said my vows to him I meant them I worked through his first affair with him but I could not live my life with an adulterous man any longer and I do not regret my divorce if that makes me a sinner then that is what I am but only in the eyes of the church.

coolcait

poppyscorner wrote: »

I was a follower of the Catholic religion and was married to my now ex husband in a civil ceremony in another country our marriage bore two children and unfortunately two affairs

DS1 was baptised in catholic church and DS2 has not been baptised we split when he was very young after the second affair came out of his closet and he left to be with the other woman. I spoke with our priest and I felt like I had done something wrong in the whole situation he was completely and utterly against divorce.

DS1 attends our local RC school and when we split he was attending church with me every Sunday and he went to Sunday school whilst I went to Mass. After all of the debate that went on I became very uncomfortable with how things were. I felt that church was a part of my life and had helped me through some terrible times in the past however I was not happy about being made to feel I was wrong for wanting to and then proceeding to divorce my ex husband. I then met my now fiance (who is also Catholic) and we have since moived in together (living in sin so to speak) After more debate and the priest saying upon our engagement that he would not marry us I have left the church I was initially saddenned but I didn't agree and I couldn't change it so I left. I am continuing to raise my sons in the ways of the catholic church because I made promises when I had DS1 baptised and DS1 loves his school and has a really strong faith and I haven't said anything to him about my feelings on the subject.

Of course I now find myself in the predicament that DS2 is not baptised and nor is he likely to be as I now have to attend church for 6 months in order to achieve this and I cannot commit to that. I am remarrying in a civil ceremony that was our choice as a couple and I'm happy with it. After the initial humiliation and anger I had towards the church I have now accepted it and have moved on and I don't have strong feelings either way I have my own beliefs and I worship my own way as many other people in this country do. I take DS to big religious festivals such as christmas and easter but I keep a low profile and refuse to discuss my situation with the church.

OP I think you're friend has to either accept how things are and move on or she will remain angry for a long time. I will never take any blame or criticism for the breakdown of my first marriage what my ex husband did was wrong I and our children were the innocent parties in that as far as I am concerned and I've learned to turn a blind eye to what the church may think of me or my lifestyle choices. When I said my vows to him I meant them I worked through his first affair with him but I could not live my life with an adulterous man any longer and I do not regret my divorce if that makes me a sinner then that is what I am but only in the eyes of the church.

Hiya poppyscorner

I'll apologise upfront if I have misunderstood you, but what I take from your post is that:

- you are a Catholic
- you married in a civil ceremony
- your husband commited adultery
- you divorced him

As I understand the Catholic teaching (and I'm sorry if any of this is wrong and/or upsets you):

- if you did not marry in a church ceremony, which complied with Catholic church requirements, then your marriage was entirely 'civil' and not 'in the eyes of God'

- so, 'in the eyes of God', you were not married

- so everything else - in the eyes of the church - should be irrelevant

Now, I realise that I have just broken my vow not to post again on this thread.

My bad.

I have now learnt that I should take care in how I word such vows.

So here's the revised version of my vow:

- I won't post agan to the OP;
- I may post again to someone else who presents themselves as 'differently despairing';
- if yet another poster presents themselves as 'differently despairing', I may or may not post

As far as I see it, the OP's friend doesn't have to accept anything at this stage, since she hasn't checked her facts with the Catholic church.

Her facts.

poppyscorner

coolcait wrote: »

Hiya poppyscorner

I'll apologise upfront if I have misunderstood you, but what I take from your post is that:

- you are a Catholic
- you married in a civil ceremony
- your husband commited adultery
- you divorced him

As I understand the Catholic teaching (and I'm sorry if any of this is wrong and/or upsets you):

- if you did not marry in a church ceremony, which complied with Catholic church requirements, then your marriage was entirely 'civil' and not 'in the eyes of God'

- so, 'in the eyes of God', you were not married

- so everything else - in the eyes of the church - should be irrelevant

Now, I realise that I have just broken my vow not to post again on this thread.

My bad.

I have now learnt that I should take care in how I word such vows.

So here's the revised version of my vow:

- I won't post agan to the OP;
- I may post again to someone else who presents themselves as 'differently despairing';
- if yet another poster presents themselves as 'differently despairing', I may or may not post

As far as I see it, the OP's friend doesn't have to accept anything at this stage, since she hasn't checked her facts with the Catholic church.

Her facts.

Hi coolcait,

Please don't feel the need to apologise to me

Yes those facts are true and correct, my priests stance however was just as I posted it, I guess I could have persued the issue with him should I have wanted too however as things stand I didn't and I left.

Hope that clarifies a little

xx

zaksmum

Coolcait, that's fine if you prefer not to post again to me - you've said all that can be said to me from your own point of view, and thank you for that.

No, it has not been about the chance to discuss the Catholic religion here. I respect the right of every person to follow a religion of their own choice and equally to criticise one, too.

I am actually from a Catholic background but have not practised for almost 40 years...although I do still believe in God. I posed my question simply because I believed and certainly hoped the ruling about divorcees remarrying would have changed in these more enlightened times. I vaguely remembered that it was not permissible many years ago but thought this would have changed.

You say no contact would be needed with the ex. So...my friend can just fill in the forms, say yes, he was a serial adulterer, sign them and nobody will contact him in any way to verify what she says? She has been told that his full contact details will be needed...why?

And I certainly haven't posted to "stir things up" as you say. That would be a stupid thing to do. I posted simply in the hope that someone would have up to date information about the matter. my friend and I have fully researched annulment after advice on here and there would be no leeway for a priest to agree to grant it. None whatsoever. At all.

Yes, I agree it's about the lives of two people. I tried to assist by seeking advice on here which I've been given and passed on to the girl. She accepted days ago that it's not going to happen and it's no big deal for her in that case, she'll just speak to a CofE minister instead.

But thanks for your help.

zaksmum

Poppyscorner, thank you. My friend HAS accepted and moved on.

You're right in refusing to take blame for the breakdown of your first marriage. Why should you have wasted your life living with an adulterous man whose bad behaviour would inevitably have blighted the lives of your kids as well as yourself? If as you say the church considers you a sinner that's too bad.

You deserve the chance of happiness and I'm glad you've found it.

POPPYOSCAR

[

As I understand the Catholic teaching (and I'm sorry if any of this is wrong and/or upsets you):

- if you did not marry in a church ceremony, which complied with Catholic church requirements, then your marriage was entirely 'civil' and not 'in the eyes of God'

- so, 'in the eyes of God', you were not married

- so everything else - in the eyes of the church - should be irrelevant



I always used to think this as well. However, I have experienced this with a catholic friend who wanted to marry a divorced man who had a civil wedding. They had so many hoops to jump through including the church writing to his ex wife asking if he had been a good husband and father???????????????.Would like to have seen that reply!!!!!!!!!!!!

They gave up in the end and got married in a Civil Ceremony instead.

Plans_all_plans

zaksmum wrote: »

No, I do know exactly what natural contraception is. Would you say you personally approve of it...and practise it....??

I direct you to post number 130 where I state that my husband and I use natural contraception.

I would also like to point out to mankysteve that the only people who are bringing irrelevant issues like contraception etc into the debate are those who are arguing against the Faith. I would be doing the Church a disservice if I didn't respond to these points.

I would also question why someone who can't commit to attending Mass every Sunday would want to get married in Church in the first place? It's a far bigger committment to marry for life than to give an hour of your time on a Sunday morning in my opinion.

Aside from all this, I agree with coolcait's perception of this thread.

zaksmum

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

[

As I understand the Catholic teaching (and I'm sorry if any of this is wrong and/or upsets you):

- if you did not marry in a church ceremony, which complied with Catholic church requirements, then your marriage was entirely 'civil' and not 'in the eyes of God'

- so, 'in the eyes of God', you were not married

- so everything else - in the eyes of the church - should be irrelevant



I always used to think this as well. However, I have experienced this with a catholic friend who wanted to marry a divorced man who had a civil wedding. They had so many hoops to jump through including the church writing to his ex wife asking if he had been a good husband and father???????????????.Would like to have seen that reply!!!!!!!!!!!!

They gave up in the end and got married in a Civil Ceremony instead.

That's just the problem. There are so many hurdles to get over you'd question whether the whole thing is worth the hassle.

There's almost certain to be some contact from the church to the ex husband and that's not in anybody's interests in this case.

The girl concerned is just going to speak to a CofE minister now and forget the Catholic church and it's outdated rulings.

kegg_2

zaksmum wrote: »

That's just the problem. There are so many hurdles to get over you'd question whether the whole thing is worth the hassle.

There's almost certain to be some contact from the church to the ex husband and that's not in anybody's interests in this case.

The girl concerned is just going to speak to a CofE minister now and forget the Catholic church and it's outdated rulings.

Best thing imo as being married in the catholic faith is more than choosing somewhere pretty for the wedding photos.