MSE Pregnancy Club 20

gizmodo_2

First of all good luck TigTag for today (I hope I got the right name - there are too many names beginning with T ).

dustystar02 wrote: »

Who was asking about paternity leave? My OH won't ask his boss either! It is all very shifty at his place, lots of cash in hand that sort of thing. I said he should get 2 weeks and it would be good if he could have a week when the baby is born and a week a few weeks after when the visitors stop and we can have a bit of family time but his colleague wasn't allowed any paternity leave and had to take holidays so OH is too afraid to ask. I'm thinking about getting on the bl00dy phone myself and telling his boss that he IS having the time off. It's the law!

Dusty I think for paternity leave the 2 weeks has to be consecutive and to be taken within a 56 days of baby being born. See here: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/parents/moneyandworkentitlements/parentalleaveandpay/dg_10029398

dustystar02 wrote: »

Is anyone else worrying about money?
I don't earn enough as it is and when I mentioned to OH the other day that I may need him to cover my share of the bills while I'm on mat leave his eyes nearly fell out of his head. I can't work out properly how much I'll be getting but if I'm skint now it'll be even worse then, think I'll tell OH that he can take a few months off work to bring the baby up and I'll keep working, but I'm worried he'd actually take me up on it

sorry for the waffle, not sure where that came from, I'll go back to feeling sorry for myself.

I'm worried about money, but I'm pretty good with it too. I've been saving for the last year so I can take a year off work. I've got nearly £5k saved up so this will work out as a take home of £1000 a month with the SMP which is still a considerable drop to what I'm taking home now.

My OH on the other hand is crap with money. We've had a hard month this month with having to pay for the pushchair, car seat, boiler and roof to be fixed. I budgeted the whole months food shop for under £100, and we each had £20 to spend on "junk". And then I find out he's spent more like £60 on junk (when I say junk, I'm talking coke, lucozade, sweets, mcdonalds etc). It was only one month we had to do it for. And I'm fuming that he can't restrict himself for such a short time. I hate treating him like a baby when it comes to money - I wish he'd take some responsibility. He has no idea how much we have in the account, and no idea what bills are yet to come out. :mad:

I'm hoping things might change a little now as we've gone completely joint now, and we've used our extra mortgage money (money saved when our fixed rate dropped to the BMR rate) to pay off his last credit card (he was in a lot of debt when I first met him). I'm hoping he will see the money as OUR money rather than HIS money and he might think twice before spending on stupid things. But deep down I know he'll never change. Think I might have to go to the debt free wannabe pages and seek some advice again.

ASHeta

Plymouth, congrats. I've been trying to convince OH about Kai, I think it's a lovely name. Hope all is going well now.

Ejecoms wrote: »

I'd love some advice on dealing with my MIL! We had a big row and I'd like to resolve things but can't see a solution. The underlying problem is a culture clash, that the relationship we each want to have with the other is very different. I was brought up to be very independent and don't want/need a close relationship with her. I see my parents every few weeks and talk to them once or twice a week and I'd be happy with that sort of relationship with her. However, she wants to talk at least once a day, ideally would want to live with us, but if not see us every weekend. The situation is coming to a head because of the baby. She wants to be much more involved in our lives, but that's the last thing I want! I'm worried that she will interfere in how we chose to bring up the baby. She is still very involved in my husband's life eg making appointments for him which irritates me as he should take this responsibility himself, but he wants an easy life. I feel that I've got a lot of fights ahead to stop her interferring in how I bring up my son! She comes from a culture which expects the DIL to be respectful and look after her in-laws. Unfortunately, she is also quite immature and emotionally manipulative so discussing these issues isn't really an option. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with her without creating stress? Any suggestions would be appreciated!

What's the culture Ejecoms? My OH is Albanian and I've had to train a lot of this out of him... although actually I've been trained into a lot of it too- if 19 year old me met 25 year old me she'd be horrified! Luckily MIL is still in Albania so far enough to keep at arm's length and she has three other obedient DILs- two living with her. My problem is BIL, who lives with us and refuses to be trained as OH has, so still expects to be waited on hand and foot as he would be at home (including paying no rent and contributing zero to household upkeep but eating more than me and OH put together, leaving his radiator on full and computer and lights on constantly, and earning a pretty decent salary :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:).
When MIL (and FIL and SIL) are calling constantly to talk, I make it quite clear that the men can sit and talk to her if they want, but I am too busy for more than a quick hello and have things to do elsewhere in the house. Then I leave the room and load the washing machine/clean the kitchen/write my memoirs until they're done- even if they're hours (wonders of MSN video calls) I just take the opportunity to go to bed early or call my family.
I trained OH out of some of the habits you noted above in a similar way to Victoria Stillwell handles a dog or Jo Frost a child- removed the easy option and made it clear that the only way to get things done was my way!
I sound terrible, don't I?

dustystar02 wrote: »

Is anyone else worrying about money?
QUOTE]

Constantly- and I'm actually in a relatively good position. OH is on tenderhooks about money also and I keep having to reassure him that just because the Evening Standard/Daily Mail/Sky news says everyone in the UK is going to lose their jobs and their houses that we have enough saved to cope if he does lose his job while I'm on ML. Construction is so dodgy at the moment that it's hard, but not impossible.
I'm gonna start a maternity moneysaving diary thread at the weekend when I start ML- join me!

purplepardalis wrote: »

I have a week to go ... I'm beginning to worry about the fact that I have no idea how to look after a baby!

Blah!

Only beginning?!? I phoned my Mother up the other day to ask her how I take a shower once the baby arrives! :eek::eek:

Whoa, mammoth post even for me! :rotfl:

Princess_Coupon

ASHeta wrote: »

My problem is BIL, who lives with us and refuses to be trained as OH has, so still expects to be waited on hand and foot as he would be at home (including paying no rent and contributing zero to household upkeep but eating more than me and OH put together, leaving his radiator on full and computer and lights on constantly, and earning a pretty decent salary :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:)

I could understand this if he was living with his parents but with his brother and SIL :eek: that's disgusting. He needs telling! is your MIL aware that he pays nothing? does she condone it?

purplepardalis

You're not alone with the money worries! I went on maternity leave at the end of October when my fixed term contract ended - I do not have a job to go back to and I am normally the main wage earner. Without me working the rent and bills won't get paid, let alone the ex wife and train fare to fetch the kids when they stay!! I shouldn't be having a baby whilst being so irresponsible but doctor and hospital said I had no change of getting pregnant without drugs as my PCOS was so bad. Contraception got thrown out the window and 10 months later I got pregnant anyway (hurrah).

So what I'm having to do is go back to work in January when baby is only 5-6 weeks old!!! Except I have to find a job as well. Else we will be homeless!

I do like a challenge. I put my CV back up on the job boards yesterday. Ideally I will interview in December and start in January. If I can earn enough I will make OH give up work and look after the baby.

I'm going to have a nervous breakdown aren't I?!!!!!!!!!!

gizmodo_2

Wow since I wrote that last post it looks like we're all in similar positions with our OH's and money. Nice to know I'm not completely alone.

As for weekly spends for a baby, I'm hoping ours will be minimal. I plan on spending £300 (£190 from HIP) on reusable nappies and reusable wipes and liners. Although will use disposable nappies in the early days. I hope to breastfeed. So my spends will be:

* baby wash and essential oils for the reusuable wipes
* an increase in gas/electric due to being at home and using the washing machine more often.
* And an increase in cost for washing powder as we use Value powder. But I'm tempted to try baby out on biological...I've read into it and if it does not cause a rash I can't see the problem. Otherwise I'll have to make the most of the non-bio offers when they are on. But I can still wash our clothes in bio can't I?
* disposable nappies for about 4 weeks (probably have enough for the first week for near enough free with all the vouchers)

On the other hand
* Petrol should go down as I won't be driving to work everyday.
* Spends on lunch should go down as I won't be going to Asda everyday like I do at work...and you end up buying things you didn't need)
* Spends on food might go down as I'm hoping to be able to batch cook more.

I bet I'm missing things.

gizmodo_2

I'm gonna start a maternity moneysaving diary thread at the weekend when I start ML- join me!

This a great idea. When does your maternity leave start? We could use it as a place to share offers/deals/old style tips etc.

purplepardalis

ASHeta = kick that BIL into touch! I'd be happy to help you out!

As for the baby looking after - I'm not sure how to pick one up without looking like a novice! Funny you should mention the shower thing though because I've thought of this. I've a baby chair thing for upstairs and I was going to strap baby in it and bring it into the bathroom with me. As shower is an over the bath type with a clear glass screen I thought I could shower and watch baby at the same time. What do you reckon?

Or, I could just shower when the OH gets home.

DueMarch11

Lol, I remember that dilemma! Put baby in crib/cot/moses and go shower ladies, you arent going to take hours over it and lo will not come to any harm, even if they cry the whole time youre in there. You'll prob find you shower less anyway, or treat yourself to a bath when the oh gets home. Honestly, dont stress, everyone finds their own way of doing things and no child I know of is damaged from being left alone while mummy has a quick shower

Edit to say, if youre really lucky, they'll go to sleep and you'll have extra time to yourself

kitipampa

sarahangel wrote: »

Well, feeling decidedly carpy with constant heartburn and acid reflux and the Peptac the Doctor gave me on Friday is hardly touching it. According to my Doc, they have stopped prescribing Gaviscon around here as it is too expensive and there is a problem with the licence, whatever that means.
Luckily she has put it on repeat, good job really as I feeling that I'm always swigging it!

Sarah,
I had bad heartburn and I have been prescribed 'Omeprazol' it is a lifesaver and i feel like a new woman since ! only gutted i didnt know about it earlier !

lilian1977

gizmodo wrote: »

* And an increase in cost for washing powder as we use Value powder. But I'm tempted to try baby out on biological...I've read into it and if it does not cause a rash I can't see the problem. Otherwise I'll have to make the most of the non-bio offers when they are on. But I can still wash our clothes in bio can't I?

Giz, have you thought about Soapnuts?

http://www.inasoapnutshell.com/

They might be ideal for the less stained baby clothes, especially if you're getting essential oils anyway. I've bought a big bag but also invested in a massive box of Fairy non-bio when it was on offer.