MSE Pregnancy Club 20

dustystar02

hngrymummy wrote: »

Well throughout this pregnancy I haven't felt much of a bond with sproglet, or much in the way of excitement. I usually feel too embarassed to tell people that when they ask if I'm excited about the new arrival. I don't feel that I can say "Well, I want this baby, but I'm not excited or looking forward to it". I don't talk much to it. We do have the occasional poking fight (he pokes me, I poke back, he pokes, I poke etc), and I don't feel terribly close to it. Does that make me a bad mummy? I do love this child, but probably not in the way I'm supposed to feel.

Just now bump had a jolly long wriggle and when I looked down I could see the shape of sproglet all curled up asleep. I could make out where his head and bum were, and I can feel his feet in my ribs! I suddenly felt some kind of bond and overwhelming love for this thing inside me. Why can't I feel like this more often?
x

I'm so glad you said this hngrymummy. I feel exactly the same. I am excited but it could as well be my best friend or a sister having the baby. I feel no bond or love for it just yet. When I try and talk to OH he is useless, he isn't one to discuss feelings, plus he is beyond excited. He has already hinted that he thinks I could be prone to PND and I think I could too.

I'm putting it down to my complete worry about something going wrong. I have 3 things in my mind that are worrying me senseless, all completely irrational, and no-one can put my mind at rest on any of them.
I do hope once bubs arrives I feel this rush of love that everyone talks about but I am terrified that I won't.

nic2075

Thanks GFH, and thanks for asking. Were all settling in fine. I really like it here. Its all exciting as the family will be visiting through the whole Christmas week (weather depending) im worried i will feel really down and a bit lost once Christmas is all over.

Ill have to find a class or something and start to plan for the baby coming. Ive not given it much thought yet as April seems ages away, but once January comes round it will fly in.

gratefulforhelp_2

dustystar02 wrote: »

I'm putting it down to my complete worry about something going wrong. I have 3 things in my mind that are worrying me senseless, all completely irrational, and no-one can put my mind at rest on any of them.

Tell us the three things and that will take the power out of them.

I was convinced I would die in childbirth. Actually it barely even hurt much, so I spent months of my life worrying myself sick over that.

This time I'm worried babe will have Down's syndrome, or something else wrong. We'll still love the babe though it will just make life harder. I'm not convinced I'll die in childbirth anymore.

EA antenatal depression is very common but no-one talks about it. Hugs.

nic2075

Can I ask a quick question, not baby related?

I have 2 sets of neighbours down stairs, one an elderly couple and one an older lady on her own.
Last week Betty knocked on my door with a car and 2 pressies for the kids (selection boxes). This was so nice of her as we oly moved her on the first. And spoke to her a few times.

So I made some tablet the other day and popped some in a cello cone with ribbon and gave that with a card down to each neighbour.
Now the other couple just knocked on my door with 2 wrapped pressies for the kids (selection boxes) and a card.

I cant get over the kindness of both sets of neighbours!. Do you think a wee bag of tablet is enough? The couple have 2 grandkids that visit once a week. I dont know them but was wondering if I should of got them a wee selecton box each too?

I feel my gift was a bit rubbish considering they wrapped theirs and even put tags with the kids names and with love and their names on them.

gratefulforhelp_2

nic you've just moved in and you have done something nice for them. They can't expect you to be all singing all dancing when you've just moved and are preggers. Wouldn't worry myself.

Evansangel

gfh, thanks They thought i had PND but i seemed ok at the 6wk check up so it got left at that.

dustystar02

Ok, here are my 3 main worries. This is this month's list. I'm sure you will all reassure me and I will find something else to worry about next month .

1) I'm convinced the baby will have a facial birthmark. OH has one on the back of his head, hidden by his hair and i saw a man in the pub on saturday night with one all across the left hand side of his face which proved to me they do happen.

2) I'm scared that baby won't be healthy and will have some muscle wasting illness. I saw a news item the other day about a 14 year old boy with a syndrome I cannot even remember the name of but apparently it isn't tested for in pregnancy. Now I'm sure baby will have this or something else that they cannot test for.

If baby has either of the above I'm scared I won't love it and will be embarrassed of people staring (I'm very ashamed of feeling like this so please don't hate me )

3) I'm also terrified that I will raise a monster - in the literal sense, I'm scared that our child will become a murderer or rapist or worse

There's lots of other things, how this will affect mine and OH's relationship, money worries, the affect this baby will have on my life. I'm not going into this lightly. I know my life will change dramatically but I'm scared that I'll start resenting not being able to go out at the drop of a hat or book holidays etc and that I will start resenting the baby. This was all considered before we started trying but now it's actually happening. .

I'm obviously a serious worry wart who looks for the absolutly worse in everything but I am just hoping these fears will ease with time as I feel they are stopping me from loving and bonding with my unborn child.

Dear god i have totally laid bare my soul here - please don't think bad of me.

DueMarch11

Ah Dusty, hugs to you.

DD has a birth mark, not on her face, its on her belly. When she was born it was really red and swollen and probably a little unsightly but to be honest I barely noticed it, for some reason in my eyes it just didnt register as something I wouldnt love about her. I know its not on her face but I just wanted to reassure you that IF your baby has a birthmark of some description, it wont change the way you feel about it. Oh and DD's birthmark has gone down now and faded to a small brown patch.

As for the others, what will be will be, you will love your child unconditionally, whether they have some disease or not. You dont know love until you have a child.

And the very fact that you are worried about raising a monster kind of indicates to me that you wont. I work in the youth service and those that turn out to be 'bad' have had a very poor upbringing and dont know any other way of life. You wont raise a monster, I promise xxxx

Forgot to add the other stuff! Yes, your life will change dramatically and I warn you now, be prepared for the money arguement!! In my circle of mum friends we have all told our partners to shove off and move out the house a few times, the key is communication. Always always always talk to your partner about your worries, then you might avoid the arguement lol.

I can guarantee you wont resent your baby, you might pine for your old life once in a while, then you'll go get rat @rsed and wake up the next day realising thats you anymore lol.

If youre anything like me you wont want to leave bubs! And holidays are fun, you can still book them when you want, you just need to make sure little one has a passport, its honestly not that hard taking a baby on holiday, a toddler abroad is a bit more difficult but still ok I would say.

It cant be that bad if some of us are doing it all over again lol xxxx

iceicebaby

Hi ladies, hope everyone is ok.

Teenie, please go and talk to someone about how you are feeling, even if it's just us lot (hugs)

Dusty, I am having all sorts of thoughts to, like if I see anyone in a wheelchair, or a kid being naughty in a shop, or anything on the TV I think Oh I wonder if bubs will be like that? But then I think well what will be will be, there's not much I can do about it now, and try not to think about it. That doesn't make the thoughts and fears any less real of course, just my way of dealing with them. (hugs for u too)

Welcome Hattifattener, wicked name!

I'm starting to feel a lot better now, so it's back to work Thursday for me wheich is when my sick line runs out.

Labour vibes to all in need x x

dustystar02

Thanks DM and Ice. I know these fears are what everyone has but I look at my circle of friends and all their happy healthy children and think surely we won't all be as lucky and why won't the uinlucky one be me?
I know it doesn't work like that but as this is my first I am sitting on every worry imagineable.

I just hope they will all falll away once my happy healthy baby is here