Is this a strange request?

Tropez

Any wrote: »

You think about it too much!! Trust me!!:D It's just change she wants.
I've been with my husband for 7 years and I am sometimes still surprised when he comes up with something to change in the house... I never realised we need it/he wants it until that moment.

I can't think about something too much if I don't know what it is that needs thinking about. I'm sorry, but for someone of my partner's profession, personality and background to be unable to verbalise anything beyond "it feels weird" is strange.

busiscoming2

I havent read all the replies but just wanted say that as a female, I too could no way slep on the ground floor as a permanant arrangement. I have to have the window open and it would worry me someone may get in and I would also be afraid of looking out and seeing a face peering in (when I get up for the loo in the night)!!
Also in my books you go upstairs to bed.

Ask her, we women have strange ideas!!

Tropez

busiscoming2 wrote: »

I havent read all the replies but just wanted say that as a female, I too could no way slep on the ground floor as a permanant arrangement. I have to have the window open and it would worry me someone may get in and I would also be afraid of looking out and seeing a face peering in (when I get up for the loo in the night)!!
Also in my books you go upstairs to bed.

Ask her, we women have strange ideas!!

I did ask her, her answers were... vague

As for the whole security issue, I mentioned in another reply that I used to work for a private security contractor and my home is as secure as it could possibly be while remaining legal.

Any

Tropez wrote: »

I did ask her, her answers were... vague

O.K., then as a woman thinking about it one reason I can think of for being vague in answer is the fact that I just want it, cannot justify it (you don't always have to have everything, all wants justified) and am being asked to justify it/explain myself.

There are also things we grew up with, that inprinted some kind of stereotype in us and we can't explain it. Which is what I am suggesting this might be.

Seriously - wanted to change rooms around is no big deal and it is not strange.

mackemdave

Does your partner have aged parents,could be that once you get the upstairs bedroom sorted she might suggest they move in and that the ground floor bedroom would be ideal for them.....or could she have a "lodger" lurking in the background:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Lirin

My OH would tell you to be glad she's talking to you about it. Our kitchen felt 'strange' to me until I realised I'd taken an intense dislike to a partition wall that was blocking all the light, and making the room feel oppressive. (To clarify, i do know my way around DIY quite well.)

In hindsight, I may have fared better talking to him about it- he came home to a cloud of dust and a shouted "Honey, I knocked a wall down I didn't like!"

Could be she finds something the same- something doesn't feel right. Maybe suggest redocorating the existing bedroom- colours or textures may feel 'off.'

Tropez

Any wrote: »

O.K., then as a woman thinking about it one reason I can think of for being vague in answer is the fact that I just want it, cannot justify it (you don't always have to have everything, all wants justified) and am being asked to justify it/explain myself.

There are also things we grew up with, that inprinted some kind of stereotype in us and we can't explain it. Which is what I am suggesting this might be.

Seriously - wanted to change rooms around is no big deal and it is not strange.

I am of the opinion that it would not be fitting for me to discuss my partner's childhood, even on an anonymous forum, but because you believe that this has some sort of bearing on the current issue I would like to state, with no malicious intent or disrespect, that you are wrong. For her to do something based on her childhood experiences would be more shocking to me than successfully winning all ten of those UK Euromillions Raffle prizes and the Euromillions jackpot on Friday. I appreciate of course, you speak from your own experience but without this meaning to sound childish, or disrespectful, I, both fortunately and unfortunately, know too much about that.

However, if, as you say, it may be simply due to the fact that she has become used to sleeping upstairs then that is fine and I'd happily accept that as an answer. I am reluctant to accept "it feels weird" as an answer for the simple reason that while I may be inclined to spend the money on her now I can't help but consider what if sleeping upstairs "feels weird" to her as well? What if the problem lies not in the sleeping arrangements but in something else? I understand perhaps I sound belligerent and you are most welcome to your opinion that I may be over thinking it - possibly I am - but my partner, through no malice, has withheld information from me before of the utmost importance, information that could have made her life a lot easier and I want to be certain that this is not another such case.

As for change, I have neither suggested it is strange to want change or necessarily a big deal. Quite honestly, I would say that I have been at the very least amicable in looking at how I might pay for this, how I might be able to actually get a bedroom upstairs and making a few enquiries. If she wants it, fine. I don't, I'll admit that and I probably sound like a bumhole for admitting it, but if she genuinely wants that then I will do it for her, providing it is logistically feasible.

What I found strange is that after all this time, when she has had ample opportunity in the past to make such a suggestion, she has chosen now and is unable to provide anything more than "it feels weird" when she knows that it will cost a not-insignificant amount of money and she has been critical of me in the past for the way I spend money on her, oddly enough. Perhaps I am being unreasonable asking for her to give me a little bit more of a response but, cliched as it may sound, I know her, and because of this I cannot necessarily accept on face value that there isn't something slightly more to it than "it feels weird".

Tropez

mackemdave wrote: »

Does your partner have aged parents,could be that once you get the upstairs bedroom sorted she might suggest they move in and that the ground floor bedroom would be ideal for them.....or could she have a "lodger" lurking in the background:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Lodger, eh?

I did see her eyeing up a husky on the web recently... :rotfl:

Lirin wrote: »

My OH would tell you to be glad she's talking to you about it. Our kitchen felt 'strange' to me until I realised I'd taken an intense dislike to a partition wall that was blocking all the light, and making the room feel oppressive. (To clarify, i do know my way around DIY quite well.)

In hindsight, I may have fared better talking to him about it- he came home to a cloud of dust and a shouted "Honey, I knocked a wall down I didn't like!"

Could be she finds something the same- something doesn't feel right. Maybe suggest redocorating the existing bedroom- colours or textures may feel 'off.'

Well she's never knocked down walls without consulting me (well she's never knocked down walls) though she does make changes here and there. The most significant one was she managed to completely move the living room around, before she even lived here officially, while I was out walking my dogs one day. I remember my poor dogs ran into the living room after their walk and got deeply confused by the fact their sofa wasn't where it should be! :rotfl:

I was looking around wondering whether I'd gone mad and entered someone elses house and there's my partner sitting on the sofa with a mocha and a big grin on her face. When I asked her why she did it, she replied that she thought it'd be funny...

As you know your way around DIY, perhaps I could recruit you to do mine for me?

I will talk to her when she gets home, alas, that isn't usually until 11. She likes to do this to me, drop some bombshell before bed, go to sleep, leave before I get up and then leave me to think about it all day!

Lirin

I try to consult my OH now, but I do have a terrible memory, and often start jobs then remember I haven't talked to him....

I did change around the entire kitchen the first week I moved in as a joke. Not cupboards, merely their contents. Then went to work. I had a stream of text messages that day asking where stuff was! But it made more sense anyway.

I would try changing the existing room, if it needs redecorated anyway, that's a bonus. Suggest it as a compromise- if she allows you to redecorate the existing room to her tastes, she'll have to try sleeping in it for a month. Then you could maybe consider the upper room if she really still doesn't like it?

Tropez

Lirin wrote: »

I try to consult my OH now, but I do have a terrible memory, and often start jobs then remember I haven't talked to him....

I did change around the entire kitchen the first week I moved in as a joke. Not cupboards, merely their contents. Then went to work. I had a stream of text messages that day asking where stuff was! But it made more sense anyway.

I would try changing the existing room, if it needs redecorated anyway, that's a bonus. Suggest it as a compromise- if she allows you to redecorate the existing room to her tastes, she'll have to try sleeping in it for a month. Then you could maybe consider the upper room if she really still doesn't like it?

Yeah, my partner did the kitchen cupboard contents rearranging too. To this day, I still have no idea where all my plates are... And the salad cream doesn't go in the fridge, apparently...

The compromise sounds reasonable enough, especially given the time of year. My partner has some rather grand plans for Xmas involving at least three trees (unless she's hid more I don't know about), lots of decorations and half the lights from the Vegas Strip. I think the last thing she would want is the house turned into a building site.