Is this a strange request?

Tropez

ontheroad wrote: »

i think you need to cost all of it, and discuss it all fully with your girlfriend, including all the issues involved. You both need to get up those stairs together as well and actually look at the room!

Yeah, the cost will be the main thing. I'm sure I could afford to do this but as my partner brought it up last night I'm wondering whether it was just a "whim" so I really need to find out what she feels about the current situation and why. Alas, she doesn't get home from work until 11 so until them I'm in limbo somewhat.

I do have a couple of friends who work as contractors in bathroom and bedroom fitting so I'll get on the phone to them later and see what they have to say.

sueeve wrote: »

Our bed comes in 2 halves, and it is wonderful. Just like any bed, you can buy at any quality level you like. It is useful because we occasionally split it into 2 singles e.g. when I had surgery, or when children come to stay.

The bed I used to have was one that split down the middle going across, not one that could be split into singles. Something else I'll have to look at. It is the mattress that would likely cause the most problems.

Tish_P wrote: »

Sit down and work out costs with her. If costs are prohibitive, that's that.

Also discuss what other things you could do with the top room - it is a bit ridiculous letting a whole room going to waste! How about a study or a music room or a craft room or even just a hideaway for TV-watching? - and what else you could do to make a downstairs bedroom feel less weird to her. Maybe some more secure window locks or blinds to address those irrational axe-murderer fears, plus some more calming decor, or arranging things so that the bedroom's quieter? The sensation of being away from noise and bustle when you turn in for the night is very important.

Well I agree it is a little silly to have a room going to waste but the thing is I bought a house that was too big for me in one sense, primarily because it came on the market at the right time and at a vastly reduced price from its value (previous owners in a rush to sell, I believe) and due to an inheritance at the time I was able to purchase it with a view to fixing it up a little (as it did need some work) for investment purposes but now I'm here it is my home and I love it, and with the housing market the way it is I'm not sure how much extra value I have now anyway.

But as a result of the size of the property (it isn't huge, don't get me wrong, but it is certainly ample) I have everything I could possibly want without currently using the upstairs for anything. Of course, if my partner needed a room for anything then I'd happily have one of the rooms sorted out for her.

And I agree with the hustle and bustle part of your post wholly. It is one of the reasons I quite like the bedroom we're in now, aside from my leg complaints. The house has a garden which is about 70' in length and about 45' depth. Originally it was just a plot of grass but I made some alterations to give it a more... retreat-like appearance, if you get my meaning? About a third of the garden now has a rather unkept, wooded appearance with a small pond and a little summerhouse at the back corner with a path way leading from the summerhouse to the house, with some small trees, bushes and plants giving it a wild appearance, while the rest of the garden is mostly lawn, with a couple of small Japanese maples and flower beds in a kind of circle around the perimeter but leaving lots of lawn. The latter setup can be seen out of the bedroom window and I don't know, I quite like waking up to that. Alas, the upstairs room only has skylight style windows so I wouldn't be able to see anything.

Security wise, I know it may appear arrogant but I'm really not concerned about it. Back when I bought the house I worked for a private security contractor and got the employee discount on security equipment. I can't give any details about this company's operations due to contractual agreements but they basically provide security solutions for high-tech industries, hence my home security is about as good as it could feasibly get.

greenval wrote: »

Tropez, I do find this an odd request but despite being female and living alone I don't have any 'mad axeman ' issues or whatever. I lived in a ground floor bedsit about 200 yds from where the Yorkshire Ripper killed his last victim and I'm still here!
Seriously though I now have major mobility issues and the Occupational therapist wanted me to have a stair lift as I've had falls on the stairs too many times to count. I won't , yet, but unless your problems are likely to improve and it doesn't sound as though they will. you may be looking to spend a lot of money on a room that ultimately you cannot access. I don't want to be depressing, just realistic.

No, it isn't depressing, it is something I've thought about many times in the past. My condition will never improve though providing I maintain a good exercise regime (and my dogs ensure that!) then it should never get significantly worse, although I may be susceptible to increased pain in the future. I have to brace up my leg when I go out, although around the house I'm fine - my mobility isn't too bad, primarily it is just those first ten minutes or so after waking up, or if I've been sitting still for too long. I would probably take to wearing the brace all day though if my bedroom was upstairs, just to be on the safe side... and it gets bloody itchy in the summer! :rotfl:

I am sorry to hear about your problems.

squeaky wrote: »

I'm pretty sure that Stanna can fit a stair lift into any space that a person can walk up.

However - yes, I'm in full accord with your wish to keep using your legs for as long as you can. Even so... if it's just for that first move of the day - and you maintain your own discipline to use your legs the rest of the time...?

It would still be difficult to work around, to be honest, because the proximity of the nearest bathroom to the staircase isn't particularly favourable.

The stairlift would also have to obstruct access somewhere at some point. Even if it could be made to go up the stairs, it would either obstruct access at the bottom or obstruct access at the top because the whole area is quite narrow. In the event of a fire, it would be a liability.

puppypants wrote: »

Maybe she wants to sleep upstairs and for you to continue sleeping downstairs!!

Yes, perhaps that is her angle...

Tropez

Any wrote: »

I can't see absolutely anything strange about her request.

The only thing is that she might not realise that you have problem with the stairs. Then obviously it is not practical and you need to talk about it.

But I find strange that you think her strange for wanting to do something with unused room in the house to be honest, especially if it could make nice and comfortable bedroom not on the same level as kitchen (that would do my heading I think).

But I don't consider it strange for her to want to do something with an unused room in the house, I consider it strange for her to want to move our bedroom, which is going to cost money and will prove difficult, when we already have one. I don't know whether it would make a comfortable bedroom or not - simply because it is big enough for a bed room (just about) does not mean it will necesarily be comfortable as one.

If she wanted to use the upstairs room or the spare room (which is, for all intents and purposes, also unused) for something else for herself I wouldn't consider that strange in the slightest and she could go right ahead. At the end of the day, unless she does have some sort of plan for our current bedroom, then moving the bedroom upstairs is just going to make that room unused anyway.

As for the kitchen, it is over the other side of the house. I can't begin to imagine what issue that would present.

ema_o wrote: »

Slide?? Way more fun than a stair lift

As someone currently making changes to the house, I know both myself and OH occasionally come up with crazy ideas about what we could do. I am still at least partially convinced we could use a bit of our spare room as a walk in wardrobe for example...
Usually once we work throught the costs we are both fairly amenable to changing our minds.

However - cost of bathroom might not be that bad. You can get smaller length baths (1500? I think), and I have seen some good deals on suites if you don't want to go for anything really specific.

Other thought is could the room be extended at all to give space for the bathroom? Might be lower than the rest of the room, but you might not need the height above the bath / loo. We are putting a loo and sink under our stairs, and the loo fits into the sloped bit giving just room to cope with it!

I highly doubt that the upstairs room could be extended. It is actually already fairly long in length which is why I believe a bathroom could be just about added but it is the width that causes the most problems. Once a bed is up there, there will be barely any room from the foot of the bed to the wall and the position of the radiators up there, as well as the door make it so that the bed can only possibly go one way, and also limit the available space for wardrobes and such, unless I have the radiators moved but then we're looking at more hassle and expense.

kerri_gt

I would sit down with her over a cuppa and ask her the key reason's why she'd like to move the bedroom upstairs (has she been watching Sarah Beeney or Kirstie recently? lol!) then go through the pro's / con's on a practical and personal level to this room move. It does sound that size-wise and logistically, it might not actually be possible - but if it isn't going to be realistic, could you perhaps discuss together what else you could use the room for? a home gym perhaps? (no, it doesn't need all the latest tech gear in there that will cost a fortune). I assume that since she is suggesting things to do with the house, you are planning a long term future together? Do you invisage ever moving from the house you are in atm? Perhaps it could be worth discussing how this dormer room won't be practical for a bedroom, but in the future it's something to think about if/when you look for a house together (obviously don't go down this road if you haven't discussed anything like this yet - or there might be expectations of a ring under the xmas tree lol!)

The key thing (from a womanly perspective) is to make sure she feels like her views are valid and it is a two way discussion - not 'its my house and therefore my decision'

Any

Tropez wrote: »

But I don't consider it strange for her to want to do something with an unused room in the house, I consider it strange for her to want to move our bedroom, which is going to cost money and will prove difficult, when we already have one. I don't know whether it would make a comfortable bedroom or not - simply because it is big enough for a bed room (just about) does not mean it will necesarily be comfortable as one.

If she wanted to use the upstairs room or the spare room (which is, for all intents and purposes, also unused) for something else for herself I wouldn't consider that strange in the slightest and she could go right ahead. At the end of the day, unless she does have some sort of plan for our current bedroom, then moving the bedroom upstairs is just going to make that room unused anyway.

As for the kitchen, it is over the other side of the house. I can't begin to imagine what issue that would present.

But that is the whole point - as much as you cannot imagine what issue having kitchen on the same level as your bedroom could present, I / and probably she cannot imagine what issue having to move bedroom can present.

If she comes from a house where traditionally downstairs was used for day activities and upstairs for night activities, she probably just doesn't feel right sleeping downstairs.

That is why I find it strange that you find it strange - it's just one of those things, nothing strange about it.

However given your movement problem I am sure she would rather get used to it then having you suffer. She probably just doesn't realise.

Tropez

kerri_gt wrote: »

I would sit down with her over a cuppa and ask her the key reason's why she'd like to move the bedroom upstairs (has she been watching Sarah Beeney or Kirstie recently? lol!) then go through the pro's / con's on a practical and personal level to this room move. It does sound that size-wise and logistically, it might not actually be possible - but if it isn't going to be realistic, could you perhaps discuss together what else you could use the room for? a home gym perhaps? (no, it doesn't need all the latest tech gear in there that will cost a fortune). I assume that since she is suggesting things to do with the house, you are planning a long term future together? Do you invisage ever moving from the house you are in atm? Perhaps it could be worth discussing how this dormer room won't be practical for a bedroom, but in the future it's something to think about if/when you look for a house together (obviously don't go down this road if you haven't discussed anything like this yet - or there might be expectations of a ring under the xmas tree lol!)

The key thing (from a womanly perspective) is to make sure she feels like her views are valid and it is a two way discussion - not 'its my house and therefore my decision'

Dare I ask who Sarah Beeney and Kirstie are?

Yes, we do intend to be with each other in the long-term, although I don't believe we will ever get married. My partner has a... very negative view of marriage as it is and I have to say, having seen what has happened to a good friend of mine recently I'm not particularly drawn towards the institution.

As for moving, who knows? She has her business here and I don't see her wanting to give that up. I was offered a job recently that would pay more than both our incomes combined but involved relocating to continental Europe but turned it down due to some family matters and although I'd discussed the offer with her when I was first offered the job, once I turned it down she said she was delighted that I had done so as she didn't want me to take the job but didn't want to stand in my way... she needs to just tell me things sometimes because if she had said that to begin with I'd have turned it down in a second; I'm not going to put a few extra grand a year ahead of her.

And to be honest, that's why I don't mind the expense of doing this for her; if she really wants to swap rooms then I'll sort something out, even if I have to make the bed myself (I wouldn't recommend actually trying to sleep on such a construction mind) and I'll pay for it. I do want my driveway sorted but it can wait, I don't mind. I've always told her to treat this place as her own - I say she moved in around June but truthfully more than half her stuff was already here this time last year and she had a key for everything as it was. Between January and June this year I would be surprised if she spent more than 24 hours at her own place. Most of the decorating, even when she wasn't living here, she had more than a say in.

But the bedroom thing I do find strange simply because that has always been the main bedroom in this house and she's been sleeping there whenever she's been here, so for her to suddenly state that it feels weird to her baffles me because I don't understand what it is that is bothering her about it and "it feels weird" is just a frustrating answer because I want to understand.

Ahh I'm rambling now...

Any

Because you are looking for too much behind that question I suspect:-))

If she is now moved in, she most likely just wants to put her mark on the place (I redecorated nearly the whole house) and following her childhood stereotype or something she has seen at friends or whatever she thought that you might as well put the bedroom upstairs.

I bet that is all there is to it.

GobbledyGook

It makes sense to do "something" with the room upstairs.

Thinking about the space though would you need to fit a full bathroom up there? Would just a loo and sink do? Or perhaps a wetroom - they can take up considerably less space than a full bathroom.

If she has her own business could it be that she can see the potential for using your current bedroom as an office space?

I think a full, frank conversation about the house, your abilities with the stairs and your future plans need to take place. Realistically how long will you be able to use the upstairs room without a stair lift? If it's only a few years then perhaps it makes more sense to look at putting the office/whatever she visions the current room as upstairs.

Perhaps even thinking long term you could think about selling up and buying another house with a move favourable upstairs layout if it's going to be something that is a massive deal.

Tropez

Any wrote: »

Because you are looking for too much behind that question I suspect:-))

If she is now moved in, she most likely just wants to put her mark on the place (I redecorated nearly the whole house) and following her childhood stereotype or something she has seen at friends or whatever she thought that you might as well put the bedroom upstairs.

I bet that is all there is to it.

To be fair, I'm only looking for an answer that makes some sense. I only need to understand what "feels weird".

And as I say above, she had more than a say in the decorating long before she moved in. Her "mark" is all over the house and always has been since I've been here!

I / and probably she cannot imagine what issue having to move bedroom can present.

There are various issues but I'm not of a mind to paint myself as some inconsiderate jerk by listing them off.

That is why I find it strange that you find it strange - it's just one of those things, nothing strange about it.

It is strange though when she has not mentioned any problem before in the four years we've been together, particularly in the past year when she has been here more often than not - that is what I'm finding strange.

Any

Tropez wrote: »

To be fair, I'm only looking for an answer that makes some sense. I only need to understand what "feels weird".

And as I say above, she had more than a say in the decorating long before she moved in. Her "mark" is all over the house and always has been since I've been here!

There are various issues but I'm not of a mind to paint myself as some inconsiderate jerk by listing them off.

It is strange though when she has not mentioned any problem before in the four years we've been together, particularly in the past year when she has been here more often than not - that is what I'm finding strange.

You think about it too much!! Trust me!!:D It's just change she wants.
I've been with my husband for 7 years and I am sometimes still surprised when he comes up with something to change in the house... I never realised we need it/he wants it until that moment.

Tropez

GobbledyGook wrote: »

It makes sense to do "something" with the room upstairs.

Thinking about the space though would you need to fit a full bathroom up there? Would just a loo and sink do? Or perhaps a wetroom - they can take up considerably less space than a full bathroom.

If she has her own business could it be that she can see the potential for using your current bedroom as an office space?

I think a full, frank conversation about the house, your abilities with the stairs and your future plans need to take place. Realistically how long will you be able to use the upstairs room without a stair lift? If it's only a few years then perhaps it makes more sense to look at putting the office/whatever she visions the current room as upstairs.

Perhaps even thinking long term you could think about selling up and buying another house with a move favourable upstairs layout if it's going to be something that is a massive deal.

I would need more than a loo and a sink, and a wetroom is particularly hazardous as once the muscles in my leg relax from the hot water my leg becomes rather unstable. I would need a bath.

We already have one office in the house and there is already a spare bedroom that could be converted to an office if she desired some "private" space. That said, however, she does no work from home - she has always been one to separate work and private life hence she only brings her laptop home with her if she needs me to repair something on it.

I don't foresee myself needing to use a stair lift for a long time, if ever. My condition is perfectly manageable providing I continue to take the correct precautions. I, may, occasionally have "bad days" where the pain is such that I need to stay in bed but luckily these are few and far between.

I'd rather not sell the house any time in the near future. Property like the one I managed to nab myself barely exists in the local area and I would be unable to move too far away due to the various facilities I require to continue my employment. Plus, I would not be able to get its real value in the current market - someone I know recently wanted to sell their house, worth over £350k and they couldn't get any offers at all after eight months until they dropped the price to less than £300k - it isn't a good area for selling houses, unfortunately due to too few job opportunities; by all accounts, I'm extremely lucky at the moment. Of course, if circumstances were to change, perhaps it would be viable in the future.