Kicked my son out of the house and am devastated!

chatnoir

Just thought I would add my two pennys worth.
I do not have children and am only 25 but I have an older brother (5years difference) and he made our family life hell between the ages of 16 and about 25! He would never keep a Job, was out all night and sleeping all day. He would go to interviews still drunk from the night before, when ever my parents went away he would have people round (even though they specifically asked him not to) and I would come down in the morning to find strange men in the house...not very nice for a 19year old girl! and they would be doing drugs and have prostitutes back to the house. I kept quiet a few times he did it but he always managed to get found out.
After each episode of breaking there trust he would beg forgiveness and say he wount do again....until the next time. He was kicked out more times then i can remember, he never slept on the street he always had some friend he could crash with. He was kicked out for good after he attacked me in a drug fuelled rage.
He is now nearly 30, has two kids under the age of 2 (by same women, who is just as crazy as he is!) he has grown up in someways but not in others and still a bit of a liabilty, but the main thing is he is still alive and we all have a much better relationship now. He doens't hate my mum for kicking him out, and they are actually quiet close now.
Your son is 18, old enough to know better but still young enough that he needs guidance. And you also need to think of any other siblings in the house, growing up with my brother is not an experience I would wish on anyone!

adouglasmhor

ztan wrote: »

I'm not judging, not in the way you think I am anyway.

Okay, fine... I'll back off if it makes you all feel better... but if you read the OP, the son in question has not by any standards been that bad. I was responding to the OP, with suggestions for how to make things better for those circumstances.

True, I have not been through what you've been through, and I'm sorry to hear about all of your experiences. It's good to know that when a child is running themselves into a hole, there are some parents out there who care enough to try and help.

I'm simply saying in terms of the OP, I don't think that kicking him out and refusing to open the door for him is going to be the best thing. The OP admits that really, in this case it's just laziness and he is being difficult. Yes he's stolen a few things... but he is not totally out of control in the same way you have experienced.

Glad you think thieving, lying and sponging aren't that serious, guess some people never learn from their own experiences.

ztan

I think it's a shame that people feel it's necessary to stoop to insulting people who are attempting to help, in order to prove that their opinion is right!

I will walk away once I have quite simply said: I was 16 when my parents threw me out. I had refused to stop seeing my boyfriend of 3 years. For 18 months after they refused to talk to me, because they were convinced I had called social services on my abusive step father. I hadn't- they had been contacted by a welfare associate in relation to me being kicked out. I went on to study the International Baccalaureate, before working full time and moving back to be nearer my parents. Since then I have worked full time, being made redundant last year. I now have just completed on the purchase of my first home, with my long term boyfriend. I have a job, a driving licence, a cat and a life. I made all these things myself, and when my younger brother stayed with me and I caught him smoking weed a few months ago... I kicked his a$$ to kingdom come. Luckily he knows better and is now studying for a degree at university.

Some people's experiences aren't bog standard, but everyone's is different. Lying, cheating, stealing- all of it is wrong... I was just putting it out there that there OP's situation was not as horrifying as some of the other mothers who have been posting and that maybe there would be alternatives available.

But I'm glad you feel better for attempting to prove yourself right, at the expense of another lonely, potentially homeless child and his devastated parents.

thorsoak

Your experience was horrible - there is no doubting that. As was the experience of my friend ...who went on to remortgage her house, not once, but three times to give money to her son. He is now 35 and is an alcoholic. She is homeless at the age of 58.

Each case is different. You have proved yourself despite being rejected by your parents. My friend was terrified of her son, she gave into his demands and threats. His life is ruined - and so is her own.

hethmar

ztan, I do sympathise with your situation but it was different to that which we are discussing now.

No one wants to argue with you just to be "right" - Id literally give my right arm if I could have had a child without these problems to overcome. But you have said some things (which are quite insulting to some of the parents actually) which clearly show you were not in the same position as the youngsters we are discussing.

Im very pleased to hear how you sorted your life out, it is wonderful. But you had the ability and ambition to do that - sadly some of our children havent.

StuieUK34

I have no input for this thread, but heres a question....
What happens when you throw someone in the water? or take a baby out of a baby walker ?
Yup, you got it, you learn to swim, you learn to stand on your own 2 feet...
and Teens dont go homeless and starve either.... they go to the council/etc and ask for accomodation, they may get a hostel, but its a roof and a bed.
So in this case, your asked to leave, just like being thrown in at the deepend, you goto the authoritys and ask for shelter which is the same as learning to swim.

inmypocketnottheirs

Nothing constructive to add I am afraid, except to say that being a parent is the toughest job of all. And there is no manual either.

OP I wish you the very best and hope this works out for you all.

globetraveller

just interested to hear how things have gone?

halight

globetraveller wrote: »

just interested to hear how things have gone?

Iv been read the thred since you first posted. Got no advice of my ouw to give but i and i think others would like to hear how things are going for you and your son.

nickyhutch

StuieUK34 wrote: »

I have no input for this thread, but heres a question....
What happens when you throw someone in the water? or take a baby out of a baby walker ?
Yup, you got it, you learn to swim, you learn to stand on your own 2 feet...
and Teens dont go homeless and starve either.... they go to the council/etc and ask for accomodation, they may get a hostel, but its a roof and a bed.
So in this case, your asked to leave, just like being thrown in at the deepend, you goto the authoritys and ask for shelter which is the same as learning to swim.

Sometimes they drown. Babies fall over. Teens DO go homeless. "Living" in a hostel is no life. And why should the "authorities" pay to house you because you and your parents can't get along?