Kicked my son out of the house and am devastated!

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People have no idea what a stroppy teen gone bad can be like to live with unless they have been through it!
It's a hard one and a real dilemma when you have a 6'4 lad stomping about the place, being aggressive, lazy, abusive etc. it's in no way an easy thing to deal with. I hope you find a solution however- In my view your youngest has to be your priority now...and you being driven to the edge is not good for them.

Hugs and sympathy for you

sassy_one

Often the hardest lessons are the hardest to learn.

You need to keep strong and not show him you are bothered, give him some time then give him another chance but do tell him next time, it's for good!

RazWaz

Posting from the other side here. I'm 20 myself, and around the age of 17-18 several of my friends made bad choices and ended up getting kicked out. It was the shock they needed to help them grow up, and although they moved back in a few months down the line, all the old problems are gone. Them and their parents agree it was the best thing they could have done.

You did the right thing, and although you feel bad, and your kid might not be happy with you, in the end you'll be closer for it.

Bloomin_Freezing2

You say he's your stepson, is his mother around could he stay with her?

If you have younger sons in the same house you are at least showing them what is acceptable and what isn't. Although I am more inclined to think that had he been being violent kicking him out would be right rather than lazy.

Lazy people are very frustrating, do you give him money for the weekends or does he just hang about on the streets with his mates doing nothing? You'd think at age 18 he'd be itching to have money to go to pubs/clubs maybe. Is there anything he could be slightly interested in to think about an apprenticeship? Is there a family member or friend who's done well, flash car nice holidays etc he could spend time with to make him think 'I want this'.

Is there a reason he hangs with younger kids? Has he fallen out from his usual social group or has he always been this way?

Oldernotwiser

Do you think that there are drugs involved here?

hethmar

Did he have learning problems at school? The fact that he has no ambition and he mixes with younger kids reminds me of my son who had severe dyslexia and adhd. Such kids do tend to be very young for their age. Well, he still has it but as they get older the obvious effects become softened and they learn more control.

hethmar

cashbackproblems wrote: »

He already seems to have thrown his life away but not getting an education or having a decent job (they dont just fly out from the sky it takes years of work) and it generally sounds like he has no ambition. When i was tht age i was looking forward to going to uni and getting a job so i could pay for a car and save up for the future.

Key is getting a job and giving him something to focus on then maybe help him buy his own place cos if he has a mortgage he will have no choice but to work.

My eldest son was like this cashback. He soared through school and university and was offered a prestigious job before he even left uni - in fact he has done very well indeed.

My youngest boy had learning difficulties, despite actually being brighter than the eldest. He is the one we had all the problems with.

As for getting a mortgage :eek: if a person cant even get motivated to find a job, do you really believe getting him into a mortgage agreement would be wise or helpful? And there is a choice - they wouldnt work and just get thrown out, leaving mum and dad to sort out the debts.

Unfortunately, not everyone is the same. Youngest would have been happy to just have enough money to eat, buy a few spliffs and drink. If you have no ambition, it cant be drummed into you.

Caroline_a

Sorry have only just seen this. I have direct experience of this, as my oldest daughter went through the most dreadful behaviour when she was 17, I had just split up from husband, was trying to cope with 3 kids, a rented house (husband had changed the locks when I went out with the kids one Sunday afternoon and thrown all my clothes on the drive), working full-time, etc. She was seeing a lad virtually 24/7 from what I could see and her attitude was dreadful. One day I told her she couldnt see him, she argued and I snapped. I told her that if she went that day, not to come back.

Of course she went. I won't bore you with all the details, but I have regretted it every day since, even though now she is happily married (to someone else), with a lovely baby, 4 bedroom detatched house and a good job. We get on really well too, although that took a few months after she moved out, but she never came back. Bringing up kids is so tough sometimes, but you have to do the best you can do. I still feel that I failed her... (even though she doesnt)

sassyblue

Hi OP, My sister is going through similar with her 17y.o, he has no ambition to get a job (he says he tries... i.e he rang for a job and the phone was engaged so he didn't bother ringing back) he's quite happy to sponge off her though and she's daft enough to give him money. It's hard though because her evil ex-hubby doesn't bother with the kids and this son of hers is taller and bigger than her so when he starts she gives in for a quiet life,he has been violent in the past not to her but he will smash stuff up in the house. She's been through counselling with him and all sorts but nothing has worked up till now, he is currently supposed to be trying hard to get a job, we'll see...

My sister is reluctant to kick him out because she's too soft, and we know where he'll go too which doesn't help because his friends are losers too.

Her eldest son is the total opposite a hard worker, studied hard and does his best, l'm afraid the younger one is like her ex-hubbys family half of them wouldn't work and are full of 5hite.

It's such a shame because he can be a really lovely boy and very helpful, but only when it suits him.

Hope you get things sorted soon. x

Nara

I didn't get kicked out, but my parents moved when i was 19 and i didn't want to go with then. At the time i wasn't doing much with my life, no job, no money, just living off mum and dad. But I went out and found myself a low paid full time job and moved into a bedsit i shared with 7 MEN!. All i had was a bedroom, the bathroom and kitchen was shared so you can imgine what a state it was in lol!. I lived on microwave meals as there wasn't an oven and takeaways. Some nights i was so scared on my own as i heard fights outside or noises and I wouldn't go to the loo by myself late at night incase one of them was lurking around. I lived there for 18 months until i could afford to move out and rent a flat with my boyfriend.

But i can tell you one thing looking back at that time, that it taught me some life lessons that have stayed with me to this day, theres nothing more tough then living alone and fending for yourself at a youngish age, it teaches you to work hard, spend carefully and it makes you more grateful for the things you had/have and more detirmed to try and better your life. If this hadn't happened to me i imagine i would have dossed around for much longer causing my parents grief and spending their money.
These are NOT children you are kicking out but grown adults and they need ot learn what life is really like and take responisbilty for themselves, because trust me when you have nothing you suddenly realise how lucky you were.