Coming to terms with a stillbirth

Minniemavis

Again as others have said I am so so sorry for your loss. I have been crying the whole way through this thread. Please keep us posted. If you ever need a chat just pm me. Thinking of you all.

R.I.P Little man xxxxx

Kit_Kat_Kate

RedwoodBrook wrote: »

Thank you all.



I am feeling so many emotions its difficult to know which way to turn. I have so many questions I know will never be answered. I know I have to accept that even when I have learned to live with this, it will always be in my life. My son will always have died before he really got a chance to live and I will never get a chance to be his mummy.

Before I left the hospital the day after he was born, one midwife said to me "You are young and healthy, you will get your chance to be a mother". I know she meant well, but the fact I am 21 and healthy brings me no comfort right now. I don't want the opportunity to be just a mother, I want to be a mother to the child I have just lost. I will never have that chance.

Thank you for the link to the support thread on ivillage.

You are a mummy and just not the way you wanted to be. Sorry for your loss.

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth,
And whispered as she closed it...
"Too beautiful for earth"

((((((hugs)))))))

poet123

Kit_Kat_Kate wrote: »

You are a mummy and just not the way you wanted to be. Sorry for your loss.

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth,
And whispered as she closed it...
"Too beautiful for earth"

((((((hugs)))))))

Thank you.:A

[Deleted User]

My deepest sympathies to you and family, I have no personal experience of what you are going through, but your thread brought back memories for me of one of my closest friends last year. She had a scan at 39w, all fine and then another on her due date as she was unsure about movements, she found out her baby had died shortly after the last scan. Of course she had to deliver a term baby and it was a few days before Xmas. That xmas and new year were terrible for her, husband and their 2 year old little boy. Their little girl Katie was buried shortly after new year, following postmortem.

I remember having countless conversations with her, crying myself and feeling guilty that i had two healthy children and she didn't. However 4 months or so on from that she is pregnant and due in January with a little boy this time. (Convenient for handme downs!!) She is having the baby by elective section just before xmas this time as Katie's death was due to placental and blood difficulties.

Hopefully fingers crossed this little boy will be born healthy, alive and be keeping his parents up all over xmas and new year and be a lovely brother to the older one.

I think my friend said she just existed for weeks on end, her eldest was the only thing that kept her going and the worst bit was having a baby tummy, leaking breasts and no baby to look after, her longing to breast feed and nuture was the worst after the 9month build up.

Take each hour, day and week at a time, my friend went on facebook in the wee hours when she couldn't sleep, luckily she has friends on aussie that were up in their day time.

Big hugs to you and lots and lots of support. Finally as others have said, keep talking, crying or whatever other emotion your feeling, it does get better EVENTUALLY.

PS I remember when pregnant with my son i was terrified of the cord going round his neck and strangling him, one of my reasons for a hospital birth. He was fine, yet my daughter i didn't have those worries for some wierd reason and went to a birthing centre. She was the one born with the cord wrapped round, luckily the MW unhooked it as she came out and the first we knew about it was after she came out.

So there is hope at the end of a very very dark tunnel. Little steps for now and i hope you get stronger bit by bit.

aligerdie

I have written & re-written a reply to your post, a few times now, but words can't express how terribly sorry I am for the loss of your little man - Felix is such a lovely name.

Please don't think you're not a mummy to Felix, you are a mummy and a very very special one at that.

I can understand the rollercoaster of emotions you must be going through now, it happened to me 5 years ago when my baby girl was born sleeping.

I'm sorry I can't say anything of comfort, but I wanted to send you big hugs. Be kind to yourself. I found it hugely helpful to talk, but to strangers as my friends & family didn't know what to say.

If you ever want a chat, feel free to pm. xxxxx

RedwoodBrook

Deleted_User wrote: »

I think my friend said she just existed for weeks on end, her eldest was the only thing that kept her going and the worst bit was having a baby tummy, leaking breasts and no baby to look after, her longing to breast feed and nuture was the worst after the 9month build up.

That is very much how I feel right now. I have a desperate sense of longing. I look at the space on my living room floor and think there should be my tiny baby in his bouncer there. Everytime I put the washing out I feel like I should be washing and drying his clothes too. Before he was born, I used to imagine my partner lying on the sofa with our baby sleeping on his chest and now that won't happen. To add insult in injury there is a TV advert on at the moment with a similar scenario.

But saying that, today has been a good day and I have felt more able to deal with things.

I don't remember who posted it, but someone said "Another baby will fill your arms, but not the hole in your heart". These words have really stuck with me. So thank you.

Thank you again to everyone for your kind words. I look forward to coming on to the thread and reading all the messages of support.

Clive_Woody

For what little this may mean from a stranger on the internet, my thoughts are with you.

I can't begin to imagine the pain at your loss, but keep living and be strong and cherish the memory of Felix, he was your son and that will never change.

When you are ready tell friends and family, update your Facebook, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Let people help when you are ready.

gravitytolls

You poor dear people. There are no words I know of to offer you comfort, I just wish you weren't in a position to need to post this.

I just wish I could take your pain from you.

Jo.G

I am so sorry for your loss and can't even begin to imagine how if feels. When my sister miscarried one of the thoughts she was given was to plant a tree in the garden to remember her child by. Hugs to you and your partner x

Apricot

Nothing I can say is going to take away your pain and for that I am so sorry. The loss of a child is something that no one should have to go through.

Felix Samuel will never be forgotten. He will forever be an angel in your heart and always be your firstborn son.

My stepsister had a son who was stillborn at 32 weeks last September and a song that brought her comfort was "Still" by Gerrit Hofsink, she said it summed up exactly how she was feeling and it was played at the funeral.

My thoughts are with you and your family, take care of yourselves and may baby Felix look down on you from the clouds xxx