MSE Parents Club Part 15

ladybirdintheuk

He needs an escuse Susan?! I'm hoping it snows down here this year. Much as it will b00ger up my journey to work, Izzy was a bit too small to enjoy it last year, but this year it will be the best thing ever!

CAFCGirl

ok typed a massive reply for weezl and then realised i sounded like a total berk and wasnt sure i was actually answering the question....

Are there particular parents who you dont feel you "match" up to in your life, or is it your minds "ideal" parents who you feel you're not living up to, or is it the idea you had of yourself as a parent that you're not "achieving"?

This is probably going to sound so spacktarded but I have visions/ideas of different types of parents....
So theres the chavvy parents, the parents who didnt really mean it, child parents, mentally absent parents, The Organic London working man/hampshire living family, Overly parenting parents, tree hugging parents and the fumble parents....to name the main characters :cool:

There are parts of some of them that I think I would give everything to be more alike, and omg what must people think of me as a parents, I generally suck, and L must be right bored of me now....

There are even people on here, who in my mind because of my twisted perceptions, I think, must think Im a right berk and surprised that social havent been out to me yet...and thats because to me,they are my idea of the ideal parents, and i put them on a pedastal iyswim

I had all these visions when L was first around that I'd be this and that,and do such things, but now im just bordering on accepting that im going to be a fluid parent.....

There might be periods in our life when I do managed to uphold a decent level of cleanliness in our house, do my wifely duties, and cook proper meals and engage with other people.... and then there will b periods such as now wher my biggest concern is pretty much making it through the day without crying.... and then periods where L and I are so tightly engaged/bonded/entwined that my days are spent fulfilling his imagination, building his knowledge of the world and himself....but I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to do all of them, to a standard that I consider as having consistently achieved them, all at the same time....

Thats has quite possibly not made any sense at all...........

I shall now patiently await my special bus..............:p

searching_me

:hello: everyone ... summary: jaydens crying at everything but mainly whens theres lack of food for him even when hes just had something ... zoes still her back chatting self but its getting better ... philips had no luck with the jobs he applied for and im so knackered at the mo i was asleep at 6:30pm yesterday ..

how is everyone? anyone got anymore bargains on amazon? x

workinmummy

Weezl, to be honest the majorityof the time I feel like a totally crap mum. Less so with the baby, more were Joe is concerned. Workng full-time, gives me an hour with Alex at night and two with Joe. And to be truthful, time with Joe is spent mostly arguing. Red head nearly 7 year olds with major attitudes really wear you down.

Spending time with him in the week, is usually doing home work. Though tonight we have spent an hour together finishing off making snowman soup for his class mates. And he said "it's nice mummy, making these together" and my heart melted. There is a sweet, lovely boy under the attitude.

With Alex i'm currently enjoying the time before he can talk and answer back and it all goes tits up. I'll be done for when their both ganging up on me and doing my head in.

ladybirdintheuk

Hi SM sounds like you're having a hectic time of it. Asleep by 6:30 is really saying something. Is Phip out of work, or just looking for something new? I know I should know this, but I forget sorry

CAF girl your post makes sense to me. FWIW I don't rhink you're a berk

SusanC_2

weezl74 wrote: »

I think maybe also an idea of what you would all consider as a good amount to feel you have done in a day, on a day where you'd feel 'yay I rock at mothering!' but maybe also on your lowest energy level days too.

Like
amount of time you are able to sit playing entirely with your child
amount of time they do their own thing and you read mse/pay bills/read a book
amount of time you put the telly on and do stuff like cleaning/cooking/or also being on the internet
amount of groups you feel comfortable going to

I aim to spend an hour each day specifically playing with Alice. If we go on a trip out then arguably on those days would be more but that doesn't count as a normal day. I don't always spend as much as an hour - it has been known to be zero. Alice has "quiet time" in her for roughly two hours most days during which time I do computery things and some jobs. I wouldn't aim to be on the computer when she is around generally while OH is at work but if I am doing something on the computer which is very time consuming or am not feeling as good I am likely to spend time on the computer while she is around. There have been times when I have spent more time than I would care to admit. I deliberately choose to spend time reading books when Alice is around to encourage reading although am not always diligent about doing it every day - I notice if I haven't done it as much because she "reads" less. In general I reserve videos/iPlayer for when I'm feeling worn out and need a rest although I do let Alice watch things on request sometimes too. Average TV viewing is probably less than 20 minutes per day and sometimes she goes weeks without watching anything but there have been times when she's watched a film most days in a week or even two in one day. I sometimes have Alice watch a video while I'm doing a job if I want to keep her from joining in. The main incidence of this was when we moved house - it hasn't happened so much recently because I haven't been doing much. Cleaning/cooking type things I usually either have Alice join in or she is around while I'm doing them (e.g. reading a book or doing a jigsaw at the table while I am cooking dinner) or else done while she has quiet time (or when OH is putting her to bed after dinner or in the morning before she gets up although those two slots tend to be computer slots). Now she is more capable I can get her to do things like empty/load the dishwasher or set the table while I cook dinner rather than always just playing or watching. I have a huge stash of frozen meals because of being incapable of cooking small quantities (and being an obsessive stockpiler) so if I'm worn out or having a bad day I can easily just pull something out of the freezer instead of having to cook - stocks have been run right down since September. (Cooking of large quantities means I also probably spend less time than average cooking.) If I am worn out I spend lots of time creating spreadsheets and doing other such computery things so I can pretend to myself I've done something useful. The only group we go to is twice a month.

weezl74 wrote: »

Hmmmn I dunno though, is the GP barking up the wrong tree with me asking other mums? Like if mummy A says 'oh yes weezl I am able to play concentratedly with Bella for 6 solid hours' then I might conclude I am not doing well. But maybe she has always been a natural at playing, or is more naturally social than me, or always has more people energy or maybe baby bella is really into activities that mummy A finds really stimulating or something? I dunno.

I would not think it was good for a child to have someone playing with them for six hours solid. I do realise that was an exaggerated example but I would never consider spending anywhere near that much time playing intensively with my child as I think it is good for them to a) learn to occupy/entertain themselves and b) have the freedom to play without someone else directing things. Alice is very sociable but she does like to play by herself too and will sometimes choose to go and play by herself in her room.

gill_81uk

weezl74 wrote: »

thank you MDW and GISI edit and always too

yes those sort of things are very helpful. I think maybe also an idea of what you would all consider as a good amount to feel you have done in a day, on a day where you'd feel 'yay I rock at mothering!' but maybe also on your lowest energy level days too.

Like
amount of time you are able to sit playing entirely with your child
amount of time they do their own thing and you read mse/pay bills/read a book
amount of time you put the telly on and do stuff like cleaning/cooking/or also being on the internet
amount of groups you feel comfortable going to

Hmmmn I dunno though, is the GP barking up the wrong tree with me asking other mums? Like if mummy A says 'oh yes weezl I am able to play concentratedly with Bella for 6 solid hours' then I might conclude I am not doing well. But maybe she has always been a natural at playing, or is more naturally social than me, or always has more people energy or maybe baby bella is really into activities that mummy A finds really stimulating or something? I dunno.

eta 2 I think having read always' post that maybe those answers mightn't be so helpful then!

I'm going to write some gibberish for you now Weezl I've quoted your post to try and keep me on track.

Firstly, I think that a lot of mum's put on an act in public and actually find it harder than they appear to (from talking to my friends at baby group)

I don't spend a huge amount of time sitting playing with T, but he's only just sitting on his own. Unless I'm dashing out I try and use the time after nappy changes to have a bit of quality time. At a rough guess I'd say perhaps half an hour to an hour in an average day. That sounds terrible but I have my meals sitting at the table with him and spend real quality time talking to him then. I have him in his bouncing chair or hop n pop while I'm getting ready and try and make an effort to sing to him but don't always. Then there's times when he's upset and I'm cuddling him and carrying him round the house. I am pretty much talking to him all day! We go out somewhere (even just the local mall) at least once a day which takes him the best part of a morning or afternoon. He's very active and likes to move around the living room floor so I sit on a sofa or the floor (on the laptop ) and talk to him

T (unfortunately) has very little interest in TV so less than 10 mins there!

We go to a baby group on a monday morning. (this week I couldn't be asred so we didn't - I told myself it was coz T was a bit snotty) We also go swimming once a week and to Rhyme Time. I have a Mummy friend with a baby who we socialise with twice a week. I also see my parents at least once a week who give T their undivided attention the whole time. Sometimes I feel I go out and about a bit too much and that it's not the best for T, so I'm making a concerted effort to go somewhere for him at least once a week and take it slowly and show him things. (wooden animals in park, ducks)

I spend 10 mins reading to him every night before his bath.

I go through phases (last week was one) where I feel I could be a much better Mum than I am, that I should get out of bed earlier to give myself more time with him and not waste as much time online. Then I have good weeks (like this one!) where things fall in to place and go well and I know I'm doing a pretty good job. From talking to other Mum's I think this is a common feeling. My Mummy friend is in an overwhelmed stage at the moment where a couple of weeks ago she was on top of the world. IMO that's a major difference between normal ups and downs of motherhood and PND. Hope that helps slightly

CAFCGirl

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

CAF girl your post makes sense to me. FWIW I don't rhink you're a berk

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :j:j

gill_81uk

workinmummy wrote: »

Spending time with him in the week, is usually doing home work. Though tonight we have spent an hour together finishing off making snowman soup for his class mates. And he said "it's nice mummy, making these together" and my heart melted. There is a sweet, lovely boy under the attitude.

My heart just melted too :A

newmoneysaver_2

Oops, I have been reading but I have realised I haven't posted for ages. I feel like I should have lots to say, but I can remember very much. So I'll just send hugs/yay/sleepy vibes/get well hugs to anyone that wants/needs them.

I have read this page:
So hugs to weezl, CAFC and everyone else- I can assure you, you are all fab mummies. The fact that you question yourself should tell you how much you care.
SM - you sound busy!