MSE Parents Club Part 15

meritaten

my son had the opposite problem for the first couple of years of grandsons life. he used to get so upset because his son wouldnt let him near him, very much like yours, he would kick and hit - a year on and now its his daddy he wants! strange thing though, my son was suffering bad depression at the time - I wonder if babies somehow sense this and turn to the parent who is on a more even keel?
Big hugs to you hun, but I think that as your PND lessens then you will find your babe responding to you more! I dont want to critisise anyone but, I find the fact you still have PND a bit worrying - it can make you very stressed and a baby WILL pick up on that and it stresses them too, so they kick and cry, and hit and scream! Its amazing how a baby will instinctively pick up on a parents feelings or mood and immediately make it worse! Its not personal hun, never think that - its more that the baby is picking up on negative vibes and is then sending them out big time!

ladybirdintheuk

Morning all. Gem's thread has just been merged in, incase anyone is suffering from early morning confusion, I've gone back to find her original post!

gembaxter wrote: »

I am really struggling. I have been suffering with PND so already feel like I failed.

He is 19 months old. He never wants me it is always his dad. He won't cuddle me or show me affection in any way yet if his dad asks for a cuddle he gets one. He hits me and kicks me and while my husband says its all an accident I don't see that because he does none of it to him. I am only wanted if daddy is not here and he needs feeding.

He expects me to play but obviously cannot understand why I feel so hurt after being told to go away for an hour before.

I know most will say "he is a child and doesn't know so grow up yourself" and that's fine but I cannot take it any more. He does understand to a certain degree.

I know I should love my child but I find myself feeling less and less for him every day.

Please no aggresive responses - I cannot take that today.

first of all ~big hugs~ I've not read through all the other responses you've had, so this is probably duplicating what people have already said, but what help are you getting with your PND? My first instinct is that the way that the PND affects you means that he feels that he is getting more of what he needs (whatever that is) from his Dad at the moment? I'm not sure how to word it without making it sound like it is your fault (because it isn't), but maybe you can think about ways you change the way that interact with him. I take it you have "quality time" together - cuddled up reading a book or whatever, as well as time running round after him trying to stop him being a monkey?

ETA to add that now I've read back, you've had loads of helpful advice already I'm glad you are feeling a bit better after your original post - it is amazing how much difference some sleep and some talking makes. And how much a bad day drags you down. Congratulations on the impending new baby

There are a few people on the PT who have had PND who might have something more helpful to add.

This morning we are learning that even if you ask nicely you can't always have what you want. "cake please Mummy" on repeat and then a bit of themper.

Becles

Morning

Sorry to hear how you feel Gem. I think they all go through phases like that. Mammy tends to be the one who does all the feeding, nappy changes and other routine stuff, whereas Daddy tends to be the one who does more fun stuff like playing. They don't understand that if Mammy didn't do the routine stuff, they'd be pretty unhappy!

Don't beat yourself up about it and try and savour moments when you can play and have fun times with him. He'll come round in his own time. It'll be easier when he gets slightly older and you can get him more involved in baking or crafty things. That could be your own special thing to do together. My daughter was a Daddy's girl and I went through similar, but now she's a bit older, I get plenty of hugs and kisses from her.

Off to work this morning with a couple of audits to do. Hopefully the shops will be fairly quiet.

SugarSpun

Thanks ladybird.

Gem, I replied on the original thread but wanted to add some bonus hugs because it sounds like a difficult situation. My small girl also kicks at me when I change her but behaves like a changing-table angel for her father. I just make a game out of wiggling and bicycling her legs - if I pretend she's not trying to kick me and make it fun she forgets that she actually was trying to kick me IYSWIM.

Morning all - I have created FOUR BAGS of rubbish to go out so far this morning and will be taking all the non-reusable glass to the recycling centre too, after I have matched jars and lids and been ferocious in pruning any jar that has no matching lid or will not be useful. RAAAWWWWWRRRR decluttering!

amberjade_2

Gem,
I know how hard it is. I am a single parent with a 5 year old and have no support and felt my child hates me sometimes. It is the shock of motherhood, the responsibility, the fear of what they may be like when they grow up...
I'm sending you hugs hoping today will be n easier day for you. Be relieved that you have a partner who can give you that break while you get you're confidence back.
Blessings,
Amber

tiamai_d

Amber is a Daddies girl. So much so I can't even go near her Daddy. And I get shoved away.

It's hard, but I think it must be so much harder with the PND.

weezl74

Hi all,

on the topic of new year's resolutions, I have just started a cash only challenge (just the cash in the house- £68) plus store cupboard to cover all non-bills spends for as long as we can, so food, fun, pocket money and fuel.

The best possible I think I can do is 9 weeks but that will be major

I'm also continuing my MFW challenge.

redmel1621

weezl74 wrote: »

Hi all,

on the topic of new year's resolutions, I have just started a cash only challenge (just the cash in the house- £68) plus store cupboard to cover all non-bills spends for as long as we can, so food, fun, pocket money and fuel.

The best possible I think I can do is 9 weeks but that will be major

I'm also continuing my MFW challenge.

Good Luck with the cash only challenge:) I can't believe your £100pm food budget..... I spend that per week!!

XX

weezl74

thanks Mel!

I do have quite a bit in the cupboards though, 4 and a half boxes of formula will certainly help us get further without a spend!

xxx

cazscoob

Hi Gem i was told to split the day into 4, morning,lunch,dinner,bed. if they were naughty in the morning then from the afternoon it was a fresh start as they would have forgotten about what had already happend and so on. The naughty step is also a great way of disapline and then he will know you mean business, your OH will have to be on board with this too as there will be no success without his input.

Have you tried getting out and about with him? an hour at the park, a trip to a friends/softplay/playgroup? my main problem here is that we aer quite isolated and cabin fever can make things so much worse. i just get them all bundled into the car or buggy and getting out usually clears my head enough to start again!

Are you on medication? have you spoken to anyone? i am currently attending counselling which i find a great help and am now on new medication. this is my 3rd lot and they actually work whereas i didnt find the other 2 of any use. Hope your ok xxx