MSE Parents Club Part 15

DancerSupreme

:grouphug:Thank you guys

VfM4meplse

I have a great deal of sympathy with you :grouphug:. Keep persisting, if you give love you will get love too, and remember you have got the rest of your life to love this little one! A couple of techniques that work:

• Do make the time to play with your baby and heap him with praise when he is being good, with hugs and kisses as a reward (especially when you don't feel like it).
• I wouldn't normally recommend sleeping in the same bed as a toddler as this can introduce attachment issues but you may find a dose of this to be benficial.

• esmf73 wrote: »

  Be firm with him as I'm sure you are - tell him that hitting / kicking is not allowed and hold his legs when you change his nappy etc.

  Good practical advice, that your OH also needs to take. There cannot be a situation where you are seen as the bad cop and your OH the good.

Good luck,
VfM

DancerSupreme

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I wouldn't normally recommend sleeping in the same bed as a toddler as this can introduce attachment issues but you may find a dose of this to be benficial.

He won't settle in a bed with us. He has always slept in his own bed in his own room so he just thinks its play time when we rest together. :rotfl:

Becles

Happy New Year! Hope everyone has a good one xx

Stayed up and watched Big Ben and the London fireworks and then noticed Channel 4 was doing back to back episodes of Father Ted, so we stayed up for ages watching that.

Got a 5.5kg piece of gammon in Tesco reduced to £9 so we're having that for tea today :money:

Going to set up some spreadsheets to track inch and weight loss and make some other plans to get organised this year. Already having to rejig my diary for work as some courier deliveries haven't arrived. Typical!

gravitytolls

Oh you poor dear lady.

Please tell me you're receiving treatment and support, if not, please go to your GP, you need support, maybe pills too! Speakn to your HV, maybe there are groups within your area you can get support from.

Do you go to mothers and toddlers. PND is very draining, it's also isolating, and often sufferers shut themselves away. I can't tell you how beneficial it is to see other people with children the same age as yours, not to mention that you may see others using techniques you could employ to cope, techniques to help you improve your relationship with your child.

It will also give you both the opportunity to spend some time in an environment which isn't oppressed by your own feelings of inadequacy. And believe me when I say you're not inadequate, as inadequate parents never realise they are, never seek help and assume it's everyone else not them.

This is the time of year that those with depression of any kind feel worse than ever, try to remember that as you struggle through it, it's no comfort, but hold onto that until you can get to the surgery.

Listen, even if you are receiving treatment, you still feel awful, you must go back to your health team, please.

I suffered as you when my now 21 yr old was small. My DR was hopeless and simply told me to see if I could get him into nursery early.

I spent my whole life feeling rubbish, even now I feel our relationship is irrepairably damaged, and I lookj back on his entire childhood with regret.

I don't ever want another parent to feel as I do, it's not too late, you can turn this around, but not on your own. Depression is a dreadful condition, by it's very nature folk don't want to tell anyone how bad they feel, as they don't wish to be judged and found wanting, they're afraid of finding out there's no depression therefore there's something wrong with them.

Please, please seek support, and don't be afraid to come in here for reassurance, you're not fighting this alone.

3onitsway

Happy 2011 everyone.

Me and the children had a quiet night watching Toy Story 1, 2 and 3 while OH was at work. I let V stay up til gone 9 - but it didn't make her sleep any longer this morning, we were up at 7 as usual.

I think I might take the tree down today to start my decluttering. I've already filled three bin bags this week with too small clothes from the older childrens wardrobes. Mine and OH's wardrobes are next on my list.

I'm determined to only take stuff we need/use when we move house.

zaksmum

Can I just say...when my own son was that age he was exactly the same - just wanted his dad and not me. I was the one who was always there while daddy worked very long hours and was the "fun" person when he was at home.

Well, my son's nearly 40 now and he's the most kind, loving and protective son I could wish for. From the age of around three he suddenly decided it was me he wanted after all and so I expect the daddy thing was just one of the many phases kids go through.

Please don't despair. It WILL get better.

MatyMoo

gembaxter wrote: »

He won't settle in a bed with us. He has always slept in his own bed in his own room so he just thinks its play time when we rest together. :rotfl:

But closeness can come in other ways too

Settling down on the sofa to watch a DVD/TVProgramme/Film/CBBC or to read a book gives great opportunities for snuggles

Money_maker

Lots of hugs and cuddles regardless of whether he wants them or not! If he kicks out or moans, turn it into a fun tickling game. Stick with it, he's really only a baby.

It's you that needs a break from time to time and you're feeling fragile so don't be hard on yourself.

pupsicola

Bless you, I think you are very brave to come on here and be so open about how you are feeling.

I haven't suffered from pnd myself, but know people who have and they mentioned feeling the same way you do. My sister had an awful time with my niece. I want to word this right so as not to appear to be laying blame anywhere. The thing is once my sister started taking medication to help with her pnd her mood lifted gradually and her relationship with her child improved. My niece had been picking up on my sisters anxiety and depression and it effected their relationship.

As another angle on this my youngest was like your child and was very selective about who he would give affection to and accept it from. It hurt at times but I kept telling myself that he was just too young to understand.

For 3 years it felt like love between him and me was a one way thing. He never wanted cuddles from me and seemed to give very little back. But that is kids for you, they are learning and developing and getting to know people in their way and at their pace. He is now 5 and the most loving, cuddly, funny little guy and we have an amazing relationship. It will come. You are his mum and he knows no matter what you are there for him and he can rely on you.

Keep going