Any SAHMs have "help"?

Pink.

Hi strawberrypud,

I agree with smartie.... it might help to involve your elder daugher in the things that you need to do around the house. At her age she should be able to help you wipe things, dust, even pushing the vacuum around is fun for a little one, or chop veg with a (blunt) knife while you're cooking etc, which will mean that the baby will get the peace that she needs to sleep and you will achieve something while spending a bit of quality time with your daughter and also keeping an eye that she doesn't get into any mischief.

You may find some inspiration amongst the advice in these threads started by other users with children exactly the same age as your little ones:

How do you get the balance right?

Kids mess is driving me nuts!!

How do you cope with 2 kids under 3?

How should I handle a messy toddler?

Struggling being a mum

Pink

Counting_Pennies_2

I am delighted that all who have stated no one should need any help is self sufficient, and clearly coping well.

Please remember though that people are different. Not everyone is flying by the seats of their pants and if people want or need help, it shouldn't be criticised.

My personal belief is if you can afford it and if it assists you, fair play to you, get all the help that is needed.

I was fully functioning, working full time, studying part time, doing voluntary community work and then had children. There are times in life you need to take stock.

After my second child was born I got PND and needed help. I have experienced so many judgemental comments from people who I classed as friends and others who felt the need to be judgemental for the sake of it.

I did get a cleaner, and I had a doula to help in the early days, and then someone from Homestart. People need help at various times in their lives, and if a SAHM needs assistance, there is no reason why that should be called into question.

Not everyone runs at the same speed and I think people should respect others decisions and needs without being judgemental.

[Deleted User]

Fab post Counting Pennies. I'm a SAHM and a close friend of mine has a 2.5yr old and a 4m old baby and is struggling to keep her house clean, even though her eldest is in nursery 2 mornings a week. Baby takes up a lot of her time and to be fair she is prioritising time with baby over the house. I have offered to help with her cleaning 2 hours a week for a fortnight as my two are doing much more nursery hours now and i remember how difficult it was with a new baby and the constant exhaustion. Does that ever change. I still have homestart myself and my wonderful lady often helps me with housework or entertains whilst i get on. My friend is due to get homestart but until then i'll which didn't work out. We view it as swings and roundabouts, one friend needs more help but then at some point in the cycle it all changes around again.

OP ignore the judgemental, no one knows you and your family and how you do things, each child is different. But I actually think getting older children involved in tasks beneficial as they learn how to do them, are willing helpers and keeps them busy whilst you get on, avoided trashed rooms. Well temporarily at least.

milliebear00001

Well I'm fortunate to have a huband at home all the time. We don't feel particularly pressured re. housework (my two kids are at school/pre-school). We pay somebody to iron because we hate it, and we can! I make no apology for that, feel no need to justify the decision and couldn't give a fig if some strange people think we might be 'lazy' for doing so!

Pinky15

Thought I would add my view which is if you can afford it why not. If I had the money I would get someone to do my ironing which I detest and why not?
As for keeping my house spotless - I have 3 children and have learned to accept it will never be a show home. However it is clean and reasonably tidy. On a weekend I get the older ones to help strip there beds and have a good tidy round. Once last little one goes to nursery I will have more time. However when DS was a baby he cried all the time and it was a struggle to stay on top of everything and try and rest.
So really what I am saying is do whatever helps you and your family!

cazscoob

I am SAHM to 5 children, the 2nd youngest has aspergers and is a handful, the little one is copying his behaviour as he is the one she spends her time with and obviously doesnt understand that some of the things he does isnt normal. He attends a special nursery 2 days a week and on one of those days i have started to use a childminder for the LO. This gives me some 'me' time and also lets me go to appointments or catch up on things.

I would have someone to do my mountain of ironing and i would love a cleaner but sadly funds and location do not permit this I have had an awful few months where my house has fallen to pieces and its taking me forever to catch up again. I would not think any less of anyone who had help and would encourage it to help make you feel a little more sane! Homestart seem to be a great source of help to families but again due to my location i cannot get any help from them.

I also agree with getting children to help in the house! it also lets you get on with something else, last weekend all 5 of my kids had spray bottles and cloths and my kitchen was gleaming when they had finished, they seem to have fun doing it too! even the LOs help out by emptying the dishwasher and feeding the cats (they are only 19 months and 33 months)

Savvy_Sue

strawberrypud wrote: »

my toddler has drawn on her legs and jumper with pen so I have had to clean her up,

TBH, I'd have left her messy until bedtime, unless the felt tips were rubbing off on furniture etc, in which case I'd have given a brisk rub with a dry towel and hoped for the best ...

3KIDSNOMONEY

Pinky15 wrote: »

Thought I would add my view which is if you can afford it why not. If I had the money I would get someone to do my ironing which I detest and why not?
As for keeping my house spotless - I have 3 children and have learned to accept it will never be a show home. However it is clean and reasonably tidy. On a weekend I get the older ones to help strip there beds and have a good tidy round. Once last little one goes to nursery I will have more time. However when DS was a baby he cried all the time and it was a struggle to stay on top of everything and try and rest.
So really what I am saying is do whatever helps you and your family!

Totally agree with you. And others shouldn't be so judgemental about those who have or are thinking about getting help. Not all children or mothers are the same. My mum has my youngest half a day a week and it gives me chance to get lots done but it is still a struggle to keep on top of everything. If it eases the burden and you can afford it then why not.

grey_lady

Its just about making life that little bit easier I think. If people choose to spend their cash on that fine, I wonder if the ones being resentful about it are a little tiny bit jealous....

tiamai_d

No matter what the family situation is with parents and who is working, it is ALWAYS a case of grass is greener.

Basically, no matter what your employment situation is.... It's damn hard work being a Mum without folk telling you that they 'can't imagine why you would be finding it hard... '

Then we wonder why so many mums are struggling?