How do you get the balance right?

Lalaladybird

How do you balance the household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry) playing with the kids, time for yourself and time for your OH and friends?

If I abandon the house and play with the kids I get really stressed out by the mess that is accumulating. When I have a clean tidy house I feel really bad that I have had to ignore the kids to get on with it. My OH hardly gets any attention and I never seem to find the time or energy to shave my legs or read the paper and I'm a SAHM. I'd love to read a book or get some exercise to try to lose weight but if anyone ever offers to watch the kids for a wee while I take the opportunity to get back into bed for a wee sleep ( I am getting up in the night with a 3 month old I'm not just lazy lol)

Does anyone feel like they get the balance right? How do you do it?

jayII

It's just hard. When mine were small I used to settle the children with toys after breakfast, then do a quick whizz around. I managed to clear most of the surfaces, dishes, and do a general tidy and vaccuum. We also did a quick tidy of toys just before lunch, and after supper--I made it into a game, (something like 'who can pick up 5 toys, or can we clear up before I get to 100,) with lots of praise and afterwards. It meant that the children helped from an early age, I was less stressed, and we were playing.

Otherwise, I just juggled as best I could, and involved the children with as many tasks as possible. Little children generally love to copy mum and dad. As far as your OH goes, I just told mine I needed to lie down for 30 mins or whatever, and he was in charge for that time. He sometimes found it hard at first, but it improved with time.

It was never perfect, but things usually worked OK.

Chakani

How old are your kids? Could they help you? For example, "let's all tidy up the dining room for 15 minutes, and then we'll get out the fingerpaints and paint a picture". I do this with my 21 month old, and although it takes longer with his help than it does without, he will join in, and feels pleased with himself for helping, and meanwhile I have got things done. I have no expectation that he'll still be so happy to help in a few years though

My MIL when she visits has always offered to look after him so I can "get on" - that's the last thing I ever feel like doing with a rare half hour to myself, but I feel so lazy thinking I'd rather sit down with a cup of tea, thanks!

gratefulforhelp_2

You never think you have the balance right but you probably have. Guilt is an essential part of motherhood, unfortunately.

At least you don't have to feel guilty about work as well!

pulliptears

My Mother always said that a little bit of dust will keep, babies however, don't keep and before you know it they are teenagers.

Enjoy every second of them and sod the cleaning.

kettlefish

It sounds like you have got a good balance, you just don't realise it!! I've not got children myself but I know what you mean about feeling rushed off your feet all the time trying to keep everyone happy. Your children will not suffer being left to their own devices once in a while - they will learn essential skills about how to entertain themselves and keep occupied. The house is not going to fall down around your ears because it's a bit dusty or there's a pile of ironing to be done - obviously you can't neglect vital things such as clutter which might be tripped over or a dirty (and I mean DIRTY - not messy) kitchen, but try not to feel guilty about leaving one thing to do another. It's a part of life unfortunately Good on you for going back to bed once in a while, as so many women would use that time rushing about trying to get things done which probably aren't essential or enjoyable!! After all, if you don't look after yourself, how can you look after the little ones?!

Mojisola

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Guilt is an essential part of motherhood, unfortunately.

I've never understood this. If you're doing the best you can at the time, what on earth have you got to feel guilty about?

lalaladybird - find what suits you. No-one ever went to their deathbed wishing they'd dusted more often!

Good advice from jayII and Chakani.

Two things you might helpful - build in some breaks when you can catch up on sleep. If you're sleep-deprived, everything will start to get you down.

You and OH need some time together. Could you get someone to babysit for a few hours on a regular basis? Even if it's only once a month, it will help to spend time together.

Lalaladybird

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

At least you don't have to feel guilty about work as well!

I do feel lucky I don't have that to fit in aswell although I'll have to at some point :eek:

jayII

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I do feel lucky I don't have that to fit in aswell although I'll have to at some point :eek:

You'll be OK, I've almost always worked--both from home and outside the house. I did lots of hours, (needs must) but it was fine. You just have to be a bit more organised.

The main thing is to do what you 'have' to (your standards, not what someone else tells you), and enjoy your family as much as possible.

brians_daughter

Lalaladybird wrote: »

How do you balance the household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry) playing with the kids, time for yourself and time for your OH and friends?

If I abandon the house and play with the kids I get really stressed out by the mess that is accumulating. When I have a clean tidy house I feel really bad that I have had to ignore the kids to get on with it. My OH hardly gets any attention and I never seem to find the time or energy to shave my legs or read the paper and I'm a SAHM. I'd love to read a book or get some exercise to try to lose weight but if anyone ever offers to watch the kids for a wee while I take the opportunity to get back into bed for a wee sleep ( I am getting up in the night with a 3 month old I'm not just lazy lol)

Does anyone feel like they get the balance right? How do you do it?

I spend a good half day at weekend(9 til say 2) giving everywhere a once over whilst oh takes the kids the park/play centre whatever. Then i get some teas on for the rest of the weekend washing done.

Sat after/eve is family time so dvd/outings/cake making whatever.

Sat nite me and oh always spend it together doing whatever we want, even if its only watching cr*p on TV.

Sunday we make the most of the day as a family. In the week I as up 1hr before kids to do packed luches/tidy/clean whatever. Then work, or uni depending on the day of the week! Then home, get tea out of freezers that i cooked at weekend. Warm it up, couple of hours with kids then me and oh take it in turns with baths/dishes. 1 night i bath them and he sees to dinner dishes and does a quick tidy round, next night we swap!

Youngest is always in bed for 7.45 which gives us til 8.30/9 with the eldest, eldest goes to bed then oh and i chat about our day have an hour together or get one of us on the treadmill, other on the airwalker whilst we chat! then bed for 11ish....Then it all starts again!

Re doing something physical, you say you have offers but are too tired..... as mad as it sounds once you get into doing something you actually have more energy than if you dont do anything. I work 30 hrs, am ft at uni, have 3 kids (one of whom is still up 3 x a night) and i am 11 weeks greg with number 4. I couldnt get to the gym any longer and felt my energy levels drop..i bought a 2nd hand tredmill and airwalker and do 10 to 20 mins twice a day and i am still raring to go at midnight...despite my 6am starts and 3 night callings Try it - give it 3 weeks and you will see the difference it makes!

You need organisation and enegry! TBH when i was on mat leave i could never find enough hours in the day to fit everything in, now i am back into a routine it all flows quite well!

ailuro2

Brian's daughter - 9 to 2 for giving everything a once over?

Good Lord, you must live in a mansion!

Either that or I'm a lazy moo that deliberately doesn't have many ornaments so I can avoid dusting.:o



I couldn't tell the last time I cleaned on top of the kitchen units, and it's been a while since any picture frames got a tickle with a duster either.
I do what I have to and do the rest when it becomes noticeable.
Dust and a bit of dirt is good for kids, a spotlessly clean home is the path to allergies and a weak immune system (I've always thought this but there was a report on the radio the other day, someone has done another study and proved it)
DD has always had to tidy away her own things from when she was able to pick them up and do so, and she has been helping out with little jobs around the house since she started school.
Now she is 11 she can put on a wash, empty and fill the dishwasher, take out rubbish, set the table and make a cup of tea. She doesn't do them ALL the time, but I feel it's all part of learning to live without us when she's older. she is starting to be allowed near the iron now, just for the odd tee shirt but it's a bit scary for me to let her do that.

Enjoy your 3 month old, it's a fantastic age - they're wonderfully cute, will sleep for a few hours in one go, but can't get around the place just yet. Try and let a bit of cleaning go in order to have a nap. It's very difficult to keep getting up in the middle of the night without trying to catch up on it.

When times seem hard, remember it will get easier in a few months time, life is always better when you've had more than 3 horus uninterrupted sleep.