I think my MIL is going to ask to move in.

Owain_Moneysaver

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

A... She's in her late 50s, so even if she's fit and well she could apply for sheltered accommodation schemes, for which there is sometimes less demand. And she could still get a job,...

Or she could get a job with live-in accommodation.

Savvy_Sue

Owain_Moneysaver wrote: »

Or she could get a job with live-in accommodation.

That's true, there are still some about.

paddy's_mum

You do realise what she's doing, don't you? She is shifting responsibility .. big style!

Things go wrong with her life and the 'intelligent' choices she made ... oh, that's okay - the council will stand up to let me make utter fools of them again!

The daughter in law ... oh, she'll do what my son tells her rather than risk her marriage!

I've got no money, having been far from prudent and spent it all .. well, if I get another council house (and bu$%^r all those other more needy, never-had-a-chance folk further down the line) I can make and fritter all that money all over again!

People like this make me want to spit!!! She's absolutely content to lay her burdens at your feet and to hell with the wellbeing of you, her son and her grand-daughter so long as she's alright.

Me? I'd tell her to her face that she has made her bed; that she is not going to drag my family to disaster because she wishes to be relieved of a burden and most of all, I'd make it clear to my husband that I am not prepared to share him with any woman, his fool of a mother included.

Your only real option ...say no and mean it and brave the matrimonial rows by informing her that you will be protecting the family's integrity by telling whoever it may concern about the true state of affairs.

I don't envy you and I hope this has a happy ending but you really do need to be aware that, if allowed, this woman and her irresponsible behaviour could slaughter your family, your hopes and dreams and your good reputation.

Frosti

scottishchick27 wrote: »

Thanks guys for your helpful comments, I'm really thinking this isn't a good idea at all. I'm not going to mention it to OH tonight as it'll only cause an argument and we're having a good night. I'll wait till tomorrow and go and see her myself on my own and explain how the situation could affect me if it all blows up. Hopefully she'll have a bit of decency and realise what kind of position she's putting me in and just wait till she gets a house. To be fair she probably hasn't even thought of the legalities of the matter. I'll update when I get the chance.

Surely your MiL is less likely to be rehoused by the council if she's staying with family? If she's sleeping on the sofa in an unrelated household that is overcrowded she would get more points. Personally I don't think she should get another council house anyway as a single able person, when so many families are in dire need who have not already had one and sold it.
If I was in your position, I'd scrape together a deposit and start looking at the room-renting sites with her. The deposit would be a gift. Letting her say she's staying with you when she isn't, would be an absolute no-no for me - too many ways your own reputation could suffer.

RacyRed

scottishchick27 wrote: »

I don't think she has much of the money left as she's been quite frivolous with money in the past year.

Time to be blunt and ask what her financial situation is. She maybe has more left than you think?

And her partner needs to take some resposibility if she has spent a lot of money doing up his home. Some legal advice might be appropriate - although if she has spent a lot of money doing up a council house her partner didn't own, well.... !!!

Was she on the rental agreement? If so that may help her if a council home really is her only option.

I have to say though it sounds as if it is well past the time she realised that she is responsible for keeping a roof over her head herself, and not expecting other people to provide accommodation for her. She is still young enough to provide for herself.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If she's living at your house, in reality or not, well, she's not homeless any more, is she?

No need for the council to house her then.

Stupid thing to think of telling them. If she's going to lie, she may as well say she's sleeping in a tent/car/council offices car park. Still fraud, but fraud that's actually likely to help her scrounge something rather than fraud that's going to screw up her application - and your life permanently.

Next would be...so the man from the council has to come round to see it's true..so I'd need to have my stuff there...and a bed...and maybe they'd sit outside a few times early in the mornings...so I'd better stay a few days...maybe a bit longer...no, they said they'd check if I were on the electoral roll...so I have to be on that...so I have to stay a bit longer..........

Can you work out where this is going?

scottishchick27

It's been an eventful couple of days.

I had a major barney with my OH about it and seriously thought about moving out myself. :eek: I told him my reasons for not wanting to be part of it but he was too bloody minded to listen to me. The atmosphere was very frosty between us yesterday until suppertime when I gave him an olive branch and went to get us a takeaway. The situation wasn't mentioned again last night. I had to pick her up from her work last night but didn't mention it as I couldn't handle the confrontation after the horrible day I had. She is going away for a couple for a couple of weeks so I knew I had to say something now. The chicken that I am, I did it over the phone when OH was out of the house . I called and explained to her that I wouldn't be doing it and my reasons why. She took it alright but I could tell she wasn't pleased, but tough! I have now told my OH that I've talked to her and that she was OK about it and that I'd told her we'd would never have her being homeless but as she had a place to stay at the moment then there wasn't really a problem. I hope that doesn't come back to bite me on the bum.

I don't think this is over by a long shot but I'm not jeopardising my job or prospective career over it. I've got my whole life in front of me and want to make something of myself so that I never find myself in the position that she's in.

SkintGypsy

Wow! Good for you. Not chicken at all, and you took the matter cleanly out of his hands. I'd say everyones a winner! Except MIL.

sassy_one

scottishchick27 wrote: »

It's been an eventful couple of days.

I had a major barney with my OH about it and seriously thought about moving out myself. :eek: I told him my reasons for not wanting to be part of it but he was too bloody minded to listen to me. The atmosphere was very frosty between us yesterday until suppertime when I gave him an olive branch and went to get us a takeaway. The situation wasn't mentioned again last night. I had to pick her up from her work last night but didn't mention it as I couldn't handle the confrontation after the horrible day I had. She is going away for a couple for a couple of weeks so I knew I had to say something now. The chicken that I am, I did it over the phone when OH was out of the house . I called and explained to her that I wouldn't be doing it and my reasons why. She took it alright but I could tell she wasn't pleased, but tough! I have now told my OH that I've talked to her and that she was OK about it and that I'd told her we'd would never have her being homeless but as she had a place to stay at the moment then there wasn't really a problem. I hope that doesn't come back to bite me on the bum.

I don't think this is over by a long shot but I'm not jeopardising my job or prospective career over it. I've got my whole life in front of me and want to make something of myself so that I never find myself in the position that she's in.

Good on you.

About time people starting standing up for there marriage instead of letting in-law's (sometimes) getting in the way.

In-laws are often okay to see, but never live with, never a good ideal.

If your husband respects you, he will respect you wishes, even though it his mum.

I hope in the end, you have it all sorted

ailuro2

scottishchick27 wrote: »

It's been an eventful couple of days.

I had a major barney with my OH about it and seriously thought about moving out myself. :eek: I told him my reasons for not wanting to be part of it but he was too bloody minded to listen to me. The atmosphere was very frosty between us yesterday until suppertime when I gave him an olive branch and went to get us a takeaway.

Seems to be something you mention a lot - having to pick the right time to approach your OH, him being too grumpy / not in the right frame of mind to be asked about something - it is easy for someone reading your posts to jump to the conclusion that this relationship has enough problems already without an in-law moving in.;)

all the best, fwiw I think you made a mistake leaving the door open for her...