I think my MIL is going to ask to move in.

BitterAndTwisted

If you think your OH will waver when under pressure from his Mum I think you should stand firm, even though it may cause unhappiness between the two of you. It's would be much better for MIL to resent you rather than her own son.

Once MIL has her feet under your table she'll be harder to shift than a case of the boils. She's willingly made this situation for herself and as has been mentioned before, once she's staying with you the Local Authority will do absolutely nothing to help her. Lend or give her the money to find privately-rented accommodation and nothing more.

Jenniefour

Please be very cautious indeed with this one. Plenty of good advice from other posters here - including if she does move in with you it will be very difficult indeed to get her out - no matter what agreement you come to before hand - would you change the locks? No. And this will most definitely disadvantage her in terms of any housing through council and so on. As far as they're concerned problem solved - it would then become your problem.

Another way to think about this is that the problem to be solved is what options does your MIL have in her situation - ask her what options she thinks she has. When the question gets asked simply say - and keep repeating if needed - "I'm sorry we're aren't in a position to offer you a place to stay even on a short term basis, we simply do not have the space. Let's discuss what your other options are". Take charge of the conversation and move it on to what her other options are - and keep moving it on in this way if needed 'We've dealt with that, so let's look at your other options.".

You need to have an urgent discussion with your husband before she arrives - and agree between you how you will deal with the anticipated question - it does help to have a pre rehearsed calm response at the ready.

What's important for you is your marriage and your own family. What's important for your MIL is what she decides to do next. Two separate issues, solution to latter must not interfere with former. Don't be persuaded to mix up the two - your own marriage should not in any way be sacrificed/compromised because your MIL has a problem to solve.

All the best with that.

pinkshoes

Don't do it! However much she begs, say NO!

My Grandmother (dad's mum) moved in with us temporarily when she moved towns, with the intention to move into a council house, or sort out benefits of some sort to help pay the rent. In theory it was a good idea her moving, as my parents both worked, so she could help with picking up me and my brother from school, and she had nothing to stay for up north...

I was 9 at the time, and the reason I remember it so well was due to all the tension between her and my mum, and the pressure this put on my dad. NOT nice for a 9 year old to have to go through - I remember tears and tantrums, and I hated it!

She got her own place sorted eventually, so moved out, and eventually, everything went back to normal.

Given the size of your property, this would be a HUGE upheaval on your 8 year old, and she will be well aware of any tension between the "adults", hence my advice to say NO, not even for a couple of nights (as it will lead to more...).

She's an adult, so if she's been irresponsible and frittered away her money, then she'll just have to stay put with her ex until the council can find her something.

belfastgirl23

I'm with the others. It will be very hard in the short term to say no but a lot harder in the long term if you say yes

Could you offer to support her financially - obviously not long term but helping her out with a deposit or whatever on somewhere privately rented? At least that way you're saying no to one thing but offering something else, rather than just saying a flat no.

Good luck!

sleepystar1975

I would say to her that moving your DD from her room is not only unfair, but likely to disrupt her studies etc.

I forgotten if this has already been asked, but is your partner the MILs only offspring? If not, can she be foisted off on to them?

Like others have said, if she gets her feet under your table, she'll be hard to shift, and the council won't be so quick to find her somewhere to stay if she is staying with family.

Easier said than done, but you really need to be firm with DP and MIL, stand your ground and don't let her get her own way.

However, being on the recieving end of a dominating MIL myself, I know how easy she can wrap my Dh round her little finger, so you need to be ready to offer her alternatives/compromises. Personally, if it was my MIL, my compromise would be a tent and a bucket in the garden!

money_saving_diva

Bectoria wrote: »

Having had the 'experience' of having my FIL stay for 4 weeks I can sympathise.

It put a lot of strain on my DH relationship, I think we argued more in the 4 weeks than we have in the 7 years. You don't realise how much you need/enjoy your own space until you have it taken away from you.

My FIL interfered with everything, changed the washing machine settings and it has never been the same since, he used to dry his hands on the teatowel, leave dirty tea cups around for days so they stained... i could go on for years with the list!

What I'm trying to say is you need to discuus your feelings with your OH, otherwise you may end up resenting your MIL and it could change your whole relationship. HTH

I'm so glad you posted that! My dh does this and it drives me crazy. I once said to him about it and he thought it was so petty, which maybe it is. I have felt like a bit of a crazy woman ever since ..... Now I don't feel so crazy!:rotfl:

op - don't let her move in. And it's not fair on your daughter to share her room. If I was you I would offer the sofa for 2 weeks while she finds somewhere to rent privatly.

scottishchick27

Just a quick update as she's supposed to be coming round soon and my OH is still not home from work so haven't had a chance to chat to him about it. He came home last night in a mood so I didn't think it was the right time to discuss it. My mum (who is mother in laws friend) had a chat with her today to try and convince her not to ask to come to ours so hopefully that'll work. My MIL doesn't know that my mum has told me what her plans are. I had to prise the information out of her last night, she is absolutely devastated that MIL has put us in this position.

easilydistracted

scottishchick27 wrote: »

Just a quick update as she's supposed to be coming round soon and my OH is still not home from work so haven't had a chance to chat to him about it. He came home last night in a mood so I didn't think it was the right time to discuss it. My mum (who is mother in laws friend) had a chat with her today to try and convince her not to ask to come to ours so hopefully that'll work. My MIL doesn't know that my mum has told me what her plans are. I had to prise the information out of her last night, she is absolutely devastated that MIL has put us in this position.

I was really hoping you were wrong, I am on tenderhooks for you. The repeating that you can't help is the way to go I reckon, agree with the poster who says she's unlikely to get council help as she's not priority. I reckon if your partner hasn't made the time to discuss it you'll have to jump in with a no. If it leads to a row then just point out to her that its causing arguments already and that's not good for your daughter! If only I was good at acting on my own advice. Good luck

sueeve

I believe that anyone who has ever owned a house does not get a council house or housing association accommodation. Ths was discussed on TV quite a lot in respect of people who have had their mortgage foreclosed because of the recession. If totally homeless, on the street with her things in a trolley she might get B and B. But basically she will be expected to go back to work and rent privately. No reason why not is there? She is still very much working age. Obviously this is hard in the current financial climate, so perhaps the first thing is for her to get to the job centre. Unless she is sick expect (and encourage her) her to stand on her own feet.

sleepystar1975

sueeve wrote: »

I believe that anyone who has ever owned a house does not get a council house or housing association accommodation. Ths was discussed on TV quite a lot in respect of people who have had their mortgage foreclosed because of the recession.

I beg to differ, or perhaps this varies council to council. But my best mate had a house (well, mortgaged, not owned outright) that she shared with her then Husband. He left her, and promised to pay the mortgage in place of "maintainance" for the kids. The next thing she knew had loads of demand letters for non-payment, he swore it must be an admin error as he had it in hand, then she got a notice of eviction stuck to her door and she was out.
The council housed her in emergency accomodation for about a month, maybe two, then gave her a four bedroomed house for herself and the 4 kids.