I think my MIL is going to ask to move in.

Oldernotwiser

One thing that you should be aware of if she only works part time. Whether she gets a council flat or rents privately, as she has got through a large amount of money in a short time she may well not get any help with the rent as she may be considered to have have deprived herself of this capital. She can be assessed as if she still had it, making he ineligible for means tested benefits.

Emmzi

I don't understan why MIL can't just get a private rental, what am I missing? Council or your sofa - there's more options than that! Lodger, rent a studio, etc etc...

gingin_2

It's not fair on your 8 year old if she is expected to share/ give up her room and I think you should make MIL explain where she proposes to sleep.

Can you lead off the front foot and look in the local paper today for a list of bedsits that she can rent. It sounds like she has some capital left? Then I would suggest trying to help her extend her hours at work or look for another job.

If it were me, I would give a sympathetic but definite "no" but make it clear you are happy to help her.

heretolearn_2

Be careful about assuming the council will home her fairly quickly due to being 'homeless'. Homeless adults are not a priority and they have no duty of care unless she is legally 'vulnerable' in some way. She's just going to get on the housing list (possibly, I don't know how they treat it when someone previously bought a council house) and if it's anything like round here, well, last time I asked the wait was 11 years for a single person! Unless you are in an area where there is lot of housing available, i.e. an unpopular area with low employment opportunities and low population (usually out in the back and beyond) she needs to sort private accomodation. I'd let her have the sofa and generally don't make her too comfortable while helping her to find a full-time job so she can pay for a private rental.

FatVonD

I'm with Emzi on this one, what's wrong with her renting a room from someone?

*Louise*

Well you don't have the space so at least you can say it won't be possible with a clear conscience.

Surely she knows it wouldn't be feasible anyway? Maybe she just wants your support in helping her find somewhere else (just maybe!) I guess you won't knwo for sure until tonight, but at least you and OH have had a chat so you will be singing from the same hymnsheet as it were

Errata

She's a 'relatively' young woman. She's mader her bed and if she know finds it has lumps in it then she'll have to deal with them herself.
Don't put her up - give her the address of a B&B.

Pollycat

Hi Scottishchick
Bit of an awkward situation that you've possibly got coming.

You've probably not had chance to update us after talking it through with your OH when he came home, I hope that he's in agreement with you.

I don't think it's fair that she might put you in the position of having to say 'No' to her.

There's all sorts of practical problems that her staying may throw up, here's just a few:
one more person for the bathroom
increased bills (water, maybe electricity) - and definitely food
you and your OH won't have as much privacy
your daughter losing her space in her room
she may be obsessively tidy and you're not - or vice versa

If you and your OH are in agreement, spend a bit of time deciding how you are going to deflect her if she pushes it when you say 'no'.

A close relative once asked me & OH if we'd be guarantors for their mortgage. :eek:
We did have an inkling that we'd be asked and had prepared exactly what we were going to say.
They wouldn't take 'no' for an answer and they did push very hard, but we stayed firm.

Hey! You may be totally wrong about why she wants to talk to you - maybe she is going to go back-packing around the world! :rotfl:

Steel_2

Pollycat wrote: »

A close relative once asked me & OH if we'd be guarantors for their mortgage. :eek:
We did have an inkling that we'd be asked and had prepared exactly what we were going to say.
They wouldn't take 'no' for an answer and they did push very hard, but we stayed firm.

Hey! You may be totally wrong about why she wants to talk to you - maybe she is going to go back-packing around the world! :rotfl:

We routinely spend time coming up with rehearsed answers to situations that might present themselves with our family and those answers have saved our bacon more than once. Mind you, we can often see the situations coming with hubby's family long before they actually happen - they are all either ostriches and ignore things until they reach fever pitch and all hell breaks loose, or spend so long considering every option from multiple angles that they miss deadlines and cause themselves endless heartache.

Scenario-based planning is very useful :rotfl:

Bectoria

Having had the 'experience' of having my FIL stay for 4 weeks I can sympathise.

It put a lot of strain on my DH relationship, I think we argued more in the 4 weeks than we have in the 7 years. You don't realise how much you need/enjoy your own space until you have it taken away from you.

My FIL interfered with everything, changed the washing machine settings and it has never been the same since, he used to dry his hands on the teatowel, leave dirty tea cups around for days so they stained... i could go on for years with the list!

What I'm trying to say is you need to discuus your feelings with your OH, otherwise you may end up resenting your MIL and it could change your whole relationship. HTH