I think my MIL is going to ask to move in.

Pollycat

treetrunks wrote: »

Out of interest how would you feel if it was your mum who was having problems with her partner and needed somewhere to stay? Personally i would leave the decision to my partner and trust him to do whats right by everyone, i would trust my partner to support me if the situations were reversed.

I don't agree with this approach.

Surely both adults who live in the house should make a decision like this that could have a big impact on everybody's lives - emotionally and financially.

I don't know Scottishchick's personal circumstances, but if her OH is out at work all day and she is in the house all day, it would be HER who would have her MIL around.
So why should she leave her OH to decide whether his mother should come and stay?

nzmegs

YOur MIL is suggesting doing something which is morally and legally wrong. She is a grown woman who should be able to fend for herself and accept the way the system works. Trying to bump herself up the list in this way is shameful. You cannot agree to this as you will be blacklisted by the authorities as well. Imagine if you need the help of the benefit system in the future and something like this is on your record?

They are unlikely to believe that you were not party to the plan in some way and you can expect them to get very shirty with you. Your husband needs to tell his mum to stand on her own two feet.

scottishchick27

Tropez wrote: »

I would really dissuade her from doing this as there can be legal repercussions for everyone involved.

Speaking from experience, a pain in the hole relative of ours informed the council (and everyone else, doctors surgery, dentist, welfare office etc.) that he was living with me - without my knowledge or consent - and the amount of grief I had to go through to convince the authorities that I was not aware of his claims, that I had not spoken to him about this, that he had never lived here etc. was extremely stressful. Being questioned by the police, as what he had done had amounted to fraud, is an experience that I certainly never want to go through again.

If she lies to the council about her current living arrangements it is housing fraud. If you know that she is lying to the council you are assisting her in committing that fraud. Councils do check details on applications for housing, including comparing the application against records such as the Electoral Roll and Housing Benefit claims. While it may seem unlikely, councils do prosecute in cases of housing fraud and the punishments include heavy fines, loss of rights to future council housing and certain benefits and in the worst cases imprisonment.

Do not jeopardise your own future for this person, no matter what relation she may be, and if you suspect that she has already informed the council that she is living with you then you really should contact the council and put it right; it isn't worth getting into trouble over.

According to a 2009 report by the Audit Commission, 50,000 council homes were unavailable to honest people due to fraudulent housing applications. As a result, this is quite the hot topic amongst the majority of authorities in the UK right now and the screening processes are more vigilant than ever.

I apologise if the manner of this post seems gruff, by the way. You strike me as a good person trying to make the best of a difficult situation and for that reason I would hate to see you make a mistake that could have disastrous consequences because of your MIL.

I think I've just came across the website you've quoted from and it's been enlightening reading. I'm going to have another chat with my OH tonight and make it clear that if she does it it's on his head and I know nothing about it. I've never needed council housing before but who knows what may happen in the future. I'm in the middle of a paralegal training course which is costing me a fortune and the last thing I want is a criminal record.

In response to Pollycat, I'm at work full time too but even the thought of spending every evening with her would drive me crazy, I'd have had to go to the gym every night just to get some peace.

Mojisola

scottishchick27 wrote: »

I think I've just came across the website you've quoted from and it's been enlightening reading. I'm going to have another chat with my OH tonight and make it clear that if she does it it's on his head and I know nothing about it. I've never needed council housing before but who knows what may happen in the future. I'm in the middle of a paralegal training course which is costing me a fortune and the last thing I want is a criminal record.

It won't work like that - if she says that she's staying in your house, you will be as responsible as your OH and your MiL. The authorities won't take any notice of you saying that you didn't agree with it.

sassy_one

Know what I'd tell my MIL.......

Same as what my wife would too............


A simple, hard telling, NO.

Stand your ground, it's your home!

lavidaloca

scottishchick27 wrote: »

I think I've just came across the website you've quoted from and it's been enlightening reading. I'm going to have another chat with my OH tonight and make it clear that if she does it it's on his head and I know nothing about it. I've never needed council housing before but who knows what may happen in the future. I'm in the middle of a paralegal training course which is costing me a fortune and the last thing I want is a criminal record.

In response to Pollycat, I'm at work full time too but even the thought of spending every evening with her would drive me crazy, I'd have had to go to the gym every night just to get some peace.

You are in the middle of a paralegal training course and you are going to pretend you know nothing about this!

I think you seriously need to reconsider. They do check. At the worst, you will not be believed and could end up with a criminal record. All the training and costs for what?

Your MIL is worth all of this why?

cattkitt

The MIL sounds like a natural user, one that capitalises on the fact that people don't want to say "no" on the grounds that it's not "nice" to do so.

Savvy_Sue

treetrunks wrote: »

Out of interest how would you feel if it was your mum who was having problems with her partner and needed somewhere to stay? Personally i would leave the decision to my partner and trust him to do whats right by everyone, i would trust my partner to support me if the situations were reversed.

Oh yes, we'd trust each other to make the right decision.

That would be a no, then ...

I love his mother dearly, but there's no way we could live with her!

Fortunately hell would freeze over before my mother admitted to my OH that she was having problems and might need somewhere to stay: he's not family, you know.

scottishchick27

Thanks guys for your helpful comments, I'm really thinking this isn't a good idea at all. I'm not going to mention it to OH tonight as it'll only cause an argument and we're having a good night. I'll wait till tomorrow and go and see her myself on my own and explain how the situation could affect me if it all blows up. Hopefully she'll have a bit of decency and realise what kind of position she's putting me in and just wait till she gets a house. To be fair she probably hasn't even thought of the legalities of the matter. I'll update when I get the chance.

sassy_one

Another point, I've known relationships to fall apart, because of the In-laws - think about it, you'd have to watch what your saying/done everything as to what they expect.

Not good, I would avoid this at all costs, as it will only end in tears!