Just discovered I'm pregnant - confused isn't the word!

betterlife

congratulations!!! i never wanted kids as a young adult but when i became pregnant at 22 with my 1st i couldnt think of nothing more i`d rather be than a mum, i now have 4 and love it. i think if you wait til you can afford children you will never have them, xx

fantafan

LM90 wrote: »

That's what I meant re my boyfriend, he will have little spare time as it is never mind time to look after a baby! I would only be putting off my education for a year, essentially a gap year and to be frank I am not thinking with a romantic head, I do not even know what I want to do 100% yet but I am looking into my options such as keeping he/she or having an abortion, how could I make my choice otherwise?

If you've only just found out you could still carry on your second year and then defer your third. You wouldn't be the only student who's done that and I'd say Student Support Services would be supportive. If the timing worked out wrong for your second year exams, you could probably take them at the same time as the re-sits (but this would be your first take of them). There's all sorts of options. Because tuition fees are set to rise, because you are already in it stay in it! It'll just be a case of working around dates. Pregnancy doesn't affect all people in the same way. I'm still doing a 40 hr plus week and haven't had any sickness or symptoms really.

I know I could never abort a healthy baby...only reason being I know it's easier to get PG when you're younger but if you're like me waiting til career etc, you'll end up kicking yourself that you got rid if you did struggle. I'm not saying you wouldn't get pg again but nobody can predict the future. Plus, it's not uncommon for students who get together to spend the rest of their lives happy, we're always publishing the marriages of happy students in our mag at work.

You can hopefully talk to your parents too?

ciderwithrosie_2

Can I just put the other side of the debate .... I was 20 when I found out I was pregnant and in my last year of art degree, I chose to have a termination and it was done when I was about 10 weeks pregnant. OK, it wasn't a pleasant experience, and I did feel incredibly guilty and upset at the time but it's not something I have always regretted, how can you miss a baby you never had IYSWIM? Don't forget, Mother Nature is clever, you will be surging with hormones and emotions that are all geared to helping nurture and protect the pregnancy. I did end up having 3 children but when I was older and had a career and settled.

I am quite shocked by the amount of people, urging you to go ahead - everything will be fine! On a practical level, it seems to me there are a heck of a lot of cons to going ahead as opposed to terminating now and both of you carrying on with your studies, you are still very young and I presume wish to make a career for yourself after your degree. My son and his girlfriend have just gone into their 2nd year, if they came and told me they were having a baby I'd be saying the same things, I think you need to sit down with the bf and calmly talk about you would finance a baby, where you would live, how much support you could expect from him, family etc.
A termination doesn't make you a bad person or ruin the rest of your life.

Best wishes whatever you decide CWR

gratefulforhelp_2

Congratulations OP! Lovely news, make the most of it.

MyRubyRed

This is one question no forum can answer for you my love. Its a decision that needs to be reached jointly between you and your boyfriend.

LM90

Hi Fanta, I would definitely carry on with this second year if I did carry on with the pregnancy, I presume I would be due around June and I finish in March/April and I'm lucky in a way that I don't have exams on my course, all my marks from my work give me my final mark at the end of the year which I suppose would give me one less thing to stress over. I don't think I could not defer my third year because I've always thought that when I had a baby I would want to spend as much time as I can with them and not miss the big moments, first smiles and first giggles, steps, words etc and there is no way I could do that with working and a final year of a degree with work placement on top of that.


ciderwithrosie - Abortion is an option, but the more I think of it the more I dislike the idea personally, I've always been anti-abortion for different reasons but then again I've never been in this situation have I? I think that I may be one of those people that could always regret it and we also had a miscarriage back in February but we didn't know I was pregnant at the time which furthers it from my mind ie options.

ticklepenny - Thanks for your reply I would be taking a year out to focus on our child, and I'm guessing roughly end of May/early June. I do have quite a bit of savings, although they would not last long with a baby I'm sure using them for a baby would be more worthwhile than a holiday etc. There are a number of nurseries open from early til 6/7pm in the city centre a short walk away from my campus which would be handy for when I returned, I could drop him/her off when it opens, do some work before uni and after, then to go and collect them. Hopefully that idea would be a more productive one. We live together now and have done near enough since we got together (met him at uni, he lived next door to me in halls and we were all a close knit group and we would often just stay in my bedroom at night talking and just fall asleep, and it never changed.) I work in a bar so I do have a regular income and tips are quite good. They are a really good group of managers and there are always extra shifts to be picked up. I would have some time off then slowly pick up a few more night shifts over time.

Thanks guys so much for all this and I know no one can really tell me what to do but it's always good to know of other people situations and how they are dealing/have dealt with such things.

LilacPixie

confused is normal. Hey i'm 10 years older than you, married, own home and we have 2 kids already and when our supposed semi permenant birthcontrol failed earlier on this year I was terrified to put it politly and we are financially stable.

My only advice is take your time, kids are hard work, I have a career rather than a job that I have continued with and I find it difficult. I cannot imagine how much harder it would of been trying to get established in my field at the same time. Childcare is expensive, very very expensive. I am over ahlfway now, bump is considerable and I am tired tired tired I really don't think i could do bar work now a days.

Really everything can be worked through but it will be a hard decision and no matter what compromises will have to be made.

Fruball

Congratulations

Babies don't have to be expensive (altho teenagers do!) so one way or another you will manage if thats what you want.

Nobody else can decide what you should do, but if you were genuinely unhappy about it I doubt you would have posted here so a termination would prob not be right for you, IMHO. Friends have been in this situation and where they have had no doubt about termination, its not so bad and they know they made the right decision, but the ones who had doubts regretted it to this day.

Whatever you decide, I wanted to wish you the best of luck

xxx

sulkisu

One further tip - I apologise if this sounds like I'm preaching, but I'm not - whether you decide to continue with the pregnancy or not, I strongly advise you to visit your GP or family planning clinic to review your choice of contraception and find something that really works for you. I only mention this because you mention that you had another unplanned pregnancy in February and although acidents do happen, twice in less than a year suggests that whatever method you are using probably isn't right for you.

Obviously, for now you have more pressing matters to consider, but that is just something to think about for the future.

sassyblue

Hiya, my situation was slightly different from your in that me and hubby tried for many years to get pregnant including IVF which failed. Then l discovered l was pregnant whilst we were awaiting a second cycle of IVF to say l was shocked was an understatement - even then l had moments of 'how will l cope?' and 'omg can l do this?' so even when a baby is really, really wanted you still think those things!

I have to tell you it's been the hardest work l've ever done but also the most rewarding.

Ask yourself how you'd feel if you aborted this baby, then ask yourself how you'd feel if you never had the time or money to go back to your studies...... those would be amongst the worst scenarios and anything else is a bonus.

Good luck, you will cope, if you have a good relationship and are good with money