Just discovered I'm pregnant - confused isn't the word!

LM90

Yesterday did a pregnancy test after my period was two days late, in the ten years I've had my period it has never been late so was a bit worried but when doing the test I just thought oh it will come up negative and then I could eliminate other things to see what was making me late, so you can understand my jaw hit the floor when it read 'Pregnant' and then flashed up '2-3' (used a clear blue digital test).

My boyfriend came home from work and give me the biggest cuddle and we had a bit of a chat about it, inbetween a bit of a case of the giggles - have no idea why I got like that but I tend to get smiley and giggly when I'm nervous!

We still haven't decided about what we want to do yet and spoke about the pros and cons of keeping the baby and having an abortion and to be honest we couldn't think of that many cons, the biggest one being expense but then again I suppose they are only expense as you want them to be!

I'm just so confused about it all, its wierd knowing I'm pregnant but not feeling or looking it, just wondering if any of you had been in similiar situations before and how you got through it?

Thank you and sorry for it being long!

iceicebaby

Hiya LM90

I felt exactly the same as you when I found out, Im 11 weeks now. You will start to feel pregnant soon, believe me!

And yes it is weird but it will sink in eventually. That said I still get the odd moment now when I think "oh god, what am I doing!"

Congratulations too, it's a very nervous, can be anxious but enjoyable time.

thorsoak

Congratulations! It is strange, when you realise for the first time that yes, you are pregnant!

Personally - and for no reason whatsoever, I was convinced that I would never become pregnant - and so, when after 6 months of using no contraception I was pregnant I was thrilled.

I think that the feeling of being responsible for another person's life is overwhelming - can we afford it - can we be good parents - will the baby be okay - are all intermixed - after all, the first time round it is an unknown world that we're venturing into.

May all go well with you and yours!

LM90

Thanks for the replies so far guys, we still don't know what we are going to do about it for definitely yet but I the more I think the more I think I'll regret an abortion. We are both 20, have been together over a year and I'm a second year student and my boyfriend is going back to uni next year to start a radiography degree which will leave him with little spare time so I suppose that comes into it aswell. We didn't set out for this to happen, using contraception etc but I guess we are within the small percentage whereby it fails. There have been moments where I've got excited but then I think I've got to hold back and wait for what we both decide, but I'm scared that I'm going to really want this baby whereas my boyfriend may not want it, although he has said before he wants children with me. Argh! Why can't everything be simply hey?

Thanks xx

thorsoak

LM90 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies so far guys, we still don't know what we are going to do about it for definitely yet but I the more I think the more I think I'll regret an abortion. ........
Thanks xx

In which case - go with your first emotion - your heart is saying yes !

JC9297

What you have to consider is are you both willing to give up or dramatically alter the plans you had for studying and future career path. Neither of you are earning or near the end of your degrees. You say your boyfriend is going back to uni next year and will have little spare time - babies don't fit into spare time they come first. I think you need to put sensible not romantic heads on and really consider if this is what you want.

Plans_all_plans

My (now) husband and I were in your position at 23 and 21. I was in middle of my finals and my husband still had one more year of uni to go when we found out we were having a baby. You can work through it: where there's a will there's a way and all that!

I ended up moving back to my home city and found a job full time, while my husband stayed in his uni city but moved back home with his parents who were local in order to complete his degree. He also found a part time job and gave me his wages each month for our daughter. For 2 years we lived apart until he had graduated and found a decent full time job and he would visit as often as he could. It wasn't easy, but abortion wasn't an option I was prepared to take, so we had to do what we could to manage!

Your uni may have a creche facility for students in your position. You may have to take a year out and then continue with your studies and your uni should have an Access to Learning Fund that you can apply for money through if you are struggling and ith a child you would have priority.

Good luck. It seems so scary when you first find out, but honestly it can work out for the best in the end, however mad things look now.

LM90

That's what I meant re my boyfriend, he will have little spare time as it is never mind time to look after a baby! I would only be putting off my education for a year, essentially a gap year and to be frank I am not thinking with a romantic head, I do not even know what I want to do 100% yet but I am looking into my options such as keeping he/she or having an abortion, how could I make my choice otherwise?

ticklepenny_2

I think what JC says is partly right baby does come first but that doesnt mean you have to put your life on hold. I am pregnant and studying to become a midwife...the irony. To be honest I wouldnt give up my daughter or this pregnancy for anything even though like your situation, my daughter was a surprise.

I think you are being extremely mature about it all, and it is a huge decision one that will stay with you for the rest of your life either way.

What you may need to think about is:
When will baby be due?
Will tha effect your studies?
Will you want to take time out?
Is there childcare available?
Can you afford to support a baby?

You need to make sure that you are both happy about any decision made, as either way if one of you regrets a decision (to keep or abort) it may end up breaking the relationship up in the long term.

There was no question in my mind when I fell pregnant first time. I found out on my own and even if OH had decided it wasnt for him I would have continued on my own. We are both so glad for DD as she can be hard work and tiring but brings us so much laughter and joy.

The best advice is to talk it out and go through everything together.
HTH

sulkisu

I also had a shock/surprisepregnancy. Aged 44, having been told 12 years ago that I could never have children (I had ovarian cancer with one ovary removed, followed by cervial cancer two years later, and chemotherapy which apparently destroyed the eggs in my remaining ovary), I suddenly realised that I was a week late. I assumed that it was either the onset of an early menopause (which doctors had warned me about), or a return of the cancer. I did a pregnancy test, just to rule it out before seeing my doctor and nearly fainted when it came up positive. My first reaction was to go out and buy another 5 pregnancy tests, which I took in rapid succession.

The difference between my situation and yours, is that my partner of 10 years and I have always wanted children, although after 10 years of no contraception and no baby, we had slowly come to terms with the fact that the doctors were right and that it would never happen. We are also financially stable and settled in our respective careers. For us, there was no question about what to do - we are so very happy. I am now 25 weeks and have finally started to believe that I am really going to have a baby.

You have to do what is right for you - but take your time when making the decision as you will have to live with the outcome for a very long time. Good luck.

Edit: It is strange knowing that you are pregnant but not actually feeling it. I refused to believe that I really was pregnant until I saw the baby on at my 12 week scan (despite the postive tests and the severe morning sickness).

spugzbunny

Go and have a talk with your university as well as they will be able to tell your options regarding suspending the year. Would you like to finish now and come back in a cuople of years or do you think you'd like to the first term or second term then suspend? Both have pros and cons.

My friend at uni sat her final exams at 8 mths pregnant. It can be done and where there is a will there is a way!