Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask partner for the money back?

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What would you expect if things were the other way around? If you had been financially supported by him instead? Did you make it clear that these were all loans?
I personally believe that being in a long term relationship means sharing and supporting one another unconditionally. I would not expect anything back, therefore anything I get back will be a bonus. I wonder how your boyfriend has supported you non-financially during this time and if so, has he asked for compensation for that?

reluctantworkingmum

tallgirld wrote: »

All you need to do is stop paying your half of the bills
for ONE YEAR. At least that way you would have got back £11,400.

Let him pay it for 12 months you done your bit :-)

...and that will happen if you get pregnant!!

bassitt74

i would. you worked hard for that money and doesn't he just feel lucky to have his own personal cash point. at the risk of sounding cynical - ask for the money back, in largish payments, and just watch him decide he no longer loves you and leave.

dellybell

Hi,

Yes you definately should. If this is playing on your mind now it will only get worse and cause you a lot of resentment towards your partner. He/she should really be offering to repay !!

pennypinchUK

Oh please. You've been with him for 11 years. You've known throughout that his profession is volatile. So his financial position can hardly be a surprise. Have you not talked about this scenario until now? If you're as financially astute as you appear to be you really should have.

In the relationship you've been willing to take the gain, so you must be equally as willing to take the pain. A relationship isn't only about money.

JimmyTheWig

SJ_Jones wrote: »

This seems very narrow minded & short sighted! What if your partner leaves, gets ill, or (heaven forbid) dies! Those savings are suddenly crucial! Savings are (for me) an insurance against the unexpected, and in that nature, you're not planning on leaving or anything like that, they're for in case the worst happens! Having savings, which you wish to keep for yourself, are not a sign that you intend to up and leave, but that you have the sense to know that sometimes, bad things happen.

Absolutely you should be prepared for illness or death. But that is something that you should prepare for together.
Being prepared, financially, for a partner leaving you doesn't make sense to me. If my wife left me, the last thing I would be worried about was money.

Brian_Steele

After 10 years you refer to him as "partner". That suggests a lack of marriage commitment, which might explain why you are reluctant to share the good times and the bad times (sorry for the moralising, but this is a "moral" dilemma after all!).

If you are married, you should share everything. I am the main breadwinner in my family. From a financial point of view my wife is not the major partner, but I don't view her as a sponger. We share and that's that.

If you think your other half is not pulling his weight then talk to him, but you cannot decide after the event that you want repayment. If you do not have that degree of commitment to a relationship, then perhaps you shouldn't have entered into it. That's what the marriage vows are for: they establish a clear decision point at which you have to think about what you are getting into and this makes you choose to enter the partnership with your eyes open.

More moralising again, but you did ask!

redroselass

I think it is only right and fair that he should at least offer to pay some of it back as this is rather a large sum of money to have 'lent' someone.

luciandan

I think youneed to decide what you want out of life, or at least your life with him. The fee for a car and higher education is presumably a tidy sum. So what would you do with it?
Go on holiday - wouldn't you rather go on holiday with him?
Save up for a better home - wouldn't you want to live with him?
Save it for a rainy day - who do you want to spend your rainy days with?

I earn twice as much as my partner; and pay proportionately more into the household to the extent that the amount of income into our single accounts is exactly the same each month. So we can still have our independence and buy each other treats and presents, but it's a level playing field as surely any long term partnership should be.

JimmyTheWig

Hear hear, luciandan.