Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask partner for the money back?

Eco_Miser

SJ_Jones wrote: »

Misquote! "The LOVE of money is the route of all evil"

scoobydoobydoo wrote: »

It isnt a misquote, but a shortened quote. If you are going to be pedantic, be pedantic enough to get your own response right :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

So you wouldn't object if a quote was shortened by dropping a 'not'?

SJ_Jones wrote: »

It is a misquote, because the piece you've taken out of context changes it from the intended meaning!

It is doubly a misquote, because love of money is one word, cupiditas, in the original, so shouldn't be split in the translation, and because it's the root of all evil, not the route of all evil.

Now, what error have I committed in this post? There must be one, it's the lore.

Eco_Miser

MSE_Lee_for_MMD wrote: »

Recently he was out of work for a year, leaving me to cover his half the £950 monthly bills. Needless to say my nest egg's substantially dwindled and I've paid out over £20k on his behalf all in. He's now working again, should I expect him to pay back the money for the household bills or just the car and education?

Pay back? not necessarily.
Time for your payment holiday? Definitely.

A.Jones

> He's now working again, should I expect him to pay back the money for the household bills or just the car and education?

Have you ever been in the car? Is it solely his car, or your car as a couple? If you have ever been in it, then it is yours as a couple, even if he does all the driving. If you expect him to pay for the car fully, then I also expect you offer him the equivalent taxi fare every time you need to go somewhere.

I think you need to think about are you really in a relationship. Relationships are about sharing, and not just sharing money.

JoannaS_3

A.Jones wrote: »

> He's now working again, should I expect him to pay back the money for the household bills or just the car and education?

Have you ever been in the car? Is it solely his car, or your car as a couple? If you have ever been in it, then it is yours as a couple, even if he does all the driving. If you expect him to pay for the car fully, then I also expect you offer him the equivalent taxi fare every time you need to go somewhere.

I think you need to think about are you really in a relationship. Relationships are about sharing, and not just sharing money.

So beacuse I've been in my partners car it's mine too is it?! I don't think so!!!! You've gone way off on a tangent going on about taxi fares, she's talking 20k not a couple of quid!!!! She's asking for advice as she hasn't been in this situation before!!!! So she needs to think about why she's in the realtionship just because you've decided she shouldn't be concerned about the money?!

Read her question again, climb off your soap box, put yourself in her shoes and try and find the nice person lurking underneath your judgemntal exterior and try and answer with something helpful and not so attacking!!!!!!!

peter66vining

Without a doubt - trusting each other to share your money means
the see-saw must be kept in balance when the opportunity arises.

Ebenezer_Screwj

You can try asking for your money back but I wouldn't raise your hopes. Anyone who can live off another person without finding a job that actually pays money is hardly likely to ever do anything in his or her life. You need to decide whether this relationship is worth pursuing before you end up insolvent.

Marco12452

Depends on how volatile your relationship is ???

If it is stable and there is every intention that you would see out your days together, then you have no need to retrieve the outlay as you would enjoy a joint wealth, hopefully no debts.

If you are worried that the relationship will not go the distance, then recover your finances to the best of your ability and walk away.

Sorry that sounds a little harsh, but you have to be realistic.

feeling_good_is_free

Hi, great question.

I would say rather than asking directly for the money back I would sit down with him and say, I am concerned that a huge chunk of my savings has disapered, I'm not complaining but I realize due to the unpredictable nature of his work it is likely to happen again and next time I wont be able to support us and I would end up in the same debt he entered the relationship with and I never want that to happen. I feel comforted having some financial security in the form of my savings.

I think now that he has a job again I would like him to covers the bills as much as he can while I recover what I can from my savings. After my savings are recovered I would build up a joint savings account so its there for next for time. If the yo-yo life stile works for him he needs to think about that! You certainly deserve a break from the bills after supporting you both for so long. Good luck.

feeling_good_is_free

The other point that comes to mind is if he was in debt when he entered the relationship and is not good with budgeting and will just keep spending until you are both heavily in debt. Then I would want him to cover the bills while I recovered my losses before we started putting money away together. He may or may not have the best of intentions but he may also need help with budgeting. I would be concerned if he did not mention any intentions of giving me a little financial relief. Its all good and well sharing all until ones a saves everything and the other spends it. Whatever is going on I would talk to him so you can work it out together.

lazer

PoorPennilessMe wrote: »

Simply because although a Registry office wedding has references to religion removed, it is still a religious event! Marriage was created by religion(s), so if someone chose not to be party to religion, then it would be hipocritical to get married at all!

Seriously, are you telling me you don't decorate your house for christmas, or never buy easter eggs etc, as these things are religious creations.

Marriage is a legal commitment and can also be a religious one if the parties involved want it to be. I see marriage as making a lifetime commintment to your partner, yes it can end by divorce, but thats obviously not the intention when you enter into it.

OP - sorry but I don't think anyone here can answer your question, only you know the ins and outs of your relationship, and the future of it.
We can offer advise but can't make the decision