Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

Primrose

sammy-kaye You have been an inspiration to many people on here and you do not deserve to be treated with this lack of respect and consideration when you are struggling so hard to keep your home and your family together. This does seem to be a case of a young man who is emotionally immature and did not fully understand the commitments he was taking on, but presumbably he entered into them willingly and needs to remember that "now he is a man, he should put away childish things".

Can you get the children to bed early and sit down with him for a long serious talk. Tell him that he is being emotionally abusive to you and you will not stand for it. He may be feeling overwhelmed by his responsibilities which is why he got into trouble at work but that does not absolve him from treating you with consideration. Would you be able to have a talk with his mother and get her to make him understand that he needs to grow up and start putting his family first instead of his bikes and his mates?

Give yourself some mental space to try and decide what you want for yourself and your children going forward. Do you still want to be coping with this kind of behaviour in five or ten years time? Children do pick up on the way their parents behave and it may be better for them to have no male role model father than one who allows them to grow up thinking it is OK to treat their mother in this way. They may then go on to perpetuate that behaviour, when they are adults, into another generation.

You are a hard working, decent, loyal and capable mother. Don't let what is happening erode your self confidence. If he doesn't want to grow up and accept his responsibilities willingly, perhaps it's time to listen to your head, pack his bags and send him back to his mother or whatever mates he can find who will let him kip on their sofa. Your children are too important to be innocent pawns in this relationship.

Red_Doe

To all those needing hugs, (((((((((((((hugs offered))))))))))))))...hope you all manage to stay strong and hang in there until life improves, which it will. Sad to hear of tough times, wish I could help.

AnnieG

Hello
Sammy, I don't have anything to add that others haven't already said, but am sending you my best wishes and I really hope you find a solution that you're comfortable with.
It's a great day for drying washing here... when I got up I looked out of the window and thought brilliant, sheets and towels and maybe a jeans wash today as well.
Those who were discussing temp work... I've found it practically impossible too, I've been looking since June and haven't been offered anything. An agency rang me with a 2 month assignment and I though that I'd just have to agree to it, I was flabbergasted when they said that the company wanted to interview for a short term temp job. I worked in recruitment agencies for years and I'm sure that didn't happen back then, the clients trusted us as agents to find the best match for their job, that's what they paid us for!
Anyway... i'll go and find something else I can wash, I'm not going to waste this brilliant drying weather. (Sad, I know!)

NualaBuala

Huge hugs Sammy, I know from your posts you are hard-working and are devoted to your family. I have no doubt you will do just fine if you do split up with Owen, you seem so resourceful and determined. I don't know the history but it sounds like he has problems - with the issues he had in work, and how he has been towards you. That's no excuse of course. I really hope it turns out ok one way or another pet but like Auntie Ceridwen says, it's no harm to suss out the practicalities. x

I'm DELIGHTED to see you back Ceridwen! Great advice too!

katholicos wrote: »

It's like everything else Nuala, when you learn how to do a thing you realise that it really wasn't so difficult after all. I watched a lot of Youtube tutorials and found them no use whatsoever. Everyone seemed to go too fast for me to see what was going on and even the slo motion vids confused me :rotfl:

But then something just clicked when i was messing around with my wool yesterday...and voila!

Also, as wierd as it looks, i discovered THIS image online and it really helped things fall into place.

Thanks katholicos - I have watched tutorials but never got past the chain stitch! Maybe i will have another go one of these days! Well done for teaching yourself!!!

seasalt wrote: »

DS has just told me the most appallingly bad joke. He said, "My best friend drowned in a bowl of muesli - a strong currant pulled him under!" So don't let the currants get you! Keep swimming!

Thanks Seasalt, that made me laugh ... and the more of those I have, the better!

NualaBuala

kidcat wrote: »

Sending huge hugs and some virtual flowers sammy, making these sorts of decisions that affect not just you but the kids as well are so difficult, and as I posted a few weeks ago I am having difficulties too. From my perspective you need to be sure of what you want, then be willing to talk to Owen and make sure you are clear on what you want. I managed a week or so ago to sit down and fully talk through our problems and we are starting to work out a new way forward, not sure if that will be together or apart yet, its still early days.
It may be that you both need some time apart to make a decision of what you both want.
Good luck

Hugs to you too kidcat, sorry you are going through difficulties too.

Hugs to anyone who needs 'em!

lovelife_3

My plans to bake are going amiss, decided to sweep kitchen floor, it needs doing a lot, cream tiles!!! Swept under cooker and yuck, brush became stuck in that horrible pink marshmallow stuff that comes in jars, i think it's called fluff or something, the jar was smashed and pink gunge all over the floor!! Brush all gunged up so boiled kettle and poured boiling water on the bristles which promptly melted!!! I wish i could have seen my face!!!!! So no brush and pink, sticky gunge everwhere!! still the dogs seem happy licking it up! B****y mad house!!!
Thanks HippieChic for your heartfelt words xx

AnnieG

Oh Lovelife, that's exactly the sort of thing that would happen to me. Keep smiling!

lambanana

Thinking of you sammy_kaye I really hope you work things out either with or without your partner, you work so hard and deserve to be treated with respect and actually get some help with how you manage your home which is just fantastic.


We had chicken for dinner last night so more chicken tonight from the leftoevers. I have a recipe for a chicken and leek crumble I'm going to try, I hope it's nice. The recipe asks for cream of mushroom soup but neither OH or me likes the stuff so am going to make a white sauce instead and add some herbs and such to make it more flavourful. I love using stuff up I also have last night's leftover veggies ready to blitz into soup for the freezer.

I really need to get myself to the supermarket to stock up on "essentials" but we don't get paid until Friday so waiting it out until then if I can. We've got loads of milk and cheese as well as a packet of sausages and plenty of eggs so expect I'll just need to get bread before Friday and the rest will keep us fed until then.

We do get our veg box delivery tomorrow but I'm debating switching to a smaller box, we don't always use everything we get but I give the excess to my mum who is currently out of work. I don't know what the size difference is between the medium and small boxes, I know the small has 2 less varieties of veg but I'm thinking they'll be smaller portions of all veggies as well and we don't want a smaller portion of potatoes or of carrots than we currently get. Not sure really what we'll do.

zarazara

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

katholicos

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Morning all

Am a very depressed sammy_kaye this morning.

Things are set to get much harder for me as I think we are finally calling time on mine and Owens relationship.

Despite me spending 99% of my life cleaning/tidying/child raising/school runs/ bill paying/working/cooking and budgetting I still do not meet his standards. He told me yesterday that I leave the place a mess (ok it looked less than gleaming yesterday as Id just changed holly and it was a Sunday morning !!!!!!) but he threw a strop and took Holly up his mothers telling me he needed time away from me as he couldn't live with me any more. So I did my basic cleaning yesterday which was on the cards and spent time with Benjamin. I did have a little cry before he left but after 3/4 minutes I was fine. I spent the rest of the day willing him to come home early so I had my baby girl back and not because I wanted him here.

Apparently we never talk but when we do he puts me down calling me stupid, tells me to have a word with myself if I cant explain something right, says things are a stupid idea (then usually ends up doing what I say anyway) and he throws tantrums like you wouldn't believe --- talks to me one minute, doesn't the next. His friends/motorbikes and cars seem to take priority over me and the kids - he was even out motor crossing up until my last week of pregnancy with holly.

I think at the moment I am fighting the head Vs heart battle. My head keeps telling me I'd be fine by myself, able to cope, i know the money saving ways, i know what I'm entitled to, could find a weekend job and all my friends tell me I'm virtually a single mother anyway as Owen does nothing in the way of help me financially or other.

But my head is telling me that Ben and Owen are really close and he'd really miss his daddy and after the last 8 years of having Owen around I think I'd miss him too but his constant b!!vhing is wearing me down.

Feel like crap today and hes off work still because he was suspended for having a confrontation with a co worker. Hes been off the last week and done !!!!!! all bar sit on facebook and faff about with bikes.

feel like crying.
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Sammy, having read lots of your posts previously it sounds to me like you are a very caring person who endeavors to do everything possible to make your relationship work. On the other hand, from what i have read in your posts about your OH, he seems to be less forthcoming with his support and encouragement.

However, your OH is not only showing you very little love and concern for your wellbeing, but he is criticising you (presumably in front of the young 'uns) for not doing the things around the house that he has no intention of doing himself.

No fair.

Having worn the t-shirt myself, i know how hard it would be for you to part from the father of your children, and if he is willing to try harder to make your relationship work and if he can be big enough to acknowledge his own failings and areas he needs to work on in your relationship, then it could be worth plugging away at it for a bit longer (would he go to relationship counselling for example if the alternative would be losing you and the family being broken up?)

Please, please, please... do not be under any false illusion that it is better for the children to remain in a home where parents are fault finding, critical, hurtful, arguing etc. It does the children no good at all. Two parents learning to be happier on their own rather than two unhappy, miserable parents is IMHO by far the better scenario for all concerned, if it becomes obvious that you have given all you can and it is still not enough. Remember Sammy, to make the scales of a relationship balance, you BOTH have to invest time and love and understanding into it to make it work. I know lots of men work damn hard at relationships too, but there are many who still hold exacting expectations of what a wife should be, how she should behave and how much she do...and let me tell you something for nothing, some men want their wives to be carbon copies of their mothers in every way except visually/sexually.

Can't tell you how many times my ex used to put me down and compared me to his mother.....just one of the many reasons he is now my ex.

(((big hugs to you)))