Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

jamanda

Sammy I can't leave you either. My daughter (3 kids) is in a similar stormy relationship. It is very hard for me to watch. He does think the world of the kids but his self absorption gets in the way.

She goes through phases of fear of how she would live with 3 kids - and probably have to uproot them from all their friends and schools - to saying sometimes she can still see in him what she loved in the first place (buried deep down). Mostly she is depressed, although nobody would ever know except me.

Have a think about what things will be like in two years, whether he stays or goes, and what your own life will be like.

Good luck with whatever you decide. You have everyone's respect on here.

the_cat

(((((((((((Hugs Sammy)))))))))))

Don't have much of use to say that hasn't already been said but you could do with a few extra hugs right now.

parsonswife8

I've been in your situation Sammy-kaye and it wasn't easy.

My advice to you is, put you and your kids first......in all things. Try and be strong hon, I listened to my heart and I wish I had listened to my head instead.

In hindsight, I can see that now, but at the time, I couldn't and I made the wrong choice.

((((((Hugs Sammy)))))

Please take care of yourself and your lovely babes.

mags50_2

((((hugs SK)))) ...no advice to add .... just hugs

I know you will make the right decision for you and your beautiful children

take care xx

taplady

Sammy_Kaye - I think its pretty much all been said here by these lovely people but just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you.
(((hugs))) x

seasalt_2

Oh Sammy, I am so sorry you are going through this. My twopence worth is that, for all the conflict between our hearts and our heads while we try to decide what to do, I think that deep down we often know what the answer is. I am not prejudging one way or the other - only you know if it is a relationship worth saving - and a new baby can put an enormous strain on a relationship - men can feel left out and maybe he is behaving badly because he wants attention and doesn't know how to ask for it - all this going back to mum - and work not going well either. BUT he is a grown up too, not a child, and should be doing his share. Right now you need help and support, not criticism and being put down all the while. Men can hoover too! So whatever you decide to do, please don't let him treat you like this. You are an amazingly strong and resourceful young woman and don't let him tell you different. ()s

hellsbells45

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Morning all

Am a very depressed sammy_kaye this morning.

Things are set to get much harder for me as I think we are finally calling time on mine and Owens relationship.

Despite me spending 99% of my life cleaning/tidying/child raising/school runs/ bill paying/working/cooking and budgetting I still do not meet his standards. He told me yesterday that I leave the place a mess (ok it looked less than gleaming yesterday as Id just changed holly and it was a Sunday morning !!!!!!) but he threw a strop and took Holly up his mothers telling me he needed time away from me as he couldn't live with me any more. So I did my basic cleaning yesterday which was on the cards and spent time with Benjamin. I did have a little cry before he left but after 3/4 minutes I was fine. I spent the rest of the day willing him to come home early so I had my baby girl back and not because I wanted him here.

Apparently we never talk but when we do he puts me down calling me stupid, tells me to have a word with myself if I cant explain something right, says things are a stupid idea (then usually ends up doing what I say anyway) and he throws tantrums like you wouldn't believe --- talks to me one minute, doesn't the next. His friends/motorbikes and cars seem to take priority over me and the kids - he was even out motor crossing up until my last week of pregnancy with holly.

I think at the moment I am fighting the head Vs heart battle. My head keeps telling me I'd be fine by myself, able to cope, i know the money saving ways, i know what I'm entitled to, could find a weekend job and all my friends tell me I'm virtually a single mother anyway as Owen does nothing in the way of help me financially or other.

But my head is telling me that Ben and Owen are really close and he'd really miss his daddy and after the last 8 years of having Owen around I think I'd miss him too but his constant b!!vhing is wearing me down.

Feel like crap today and hes off work still because he was suspended for having a confrontation with a co worker. Hes been off the last week and done !!!!!! all bar sit on facebook and faff about with bikes.

feel like crying.
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

My ex was the same - as well as a binge drinker, nothing was good enough, even when I worked full time and he went to uni for B,Ed.
Can't remember the amoount of times he made me cry and feel miserable. I know the marriage was finished 5 yrs before we actually split (and that only happened after I had a very long talk with my dad, who I really miss). when we eventually split up he manipulated it so that I would be the one to call time and then he practically ran out of the house. I was worried how I would cope with two autisitic girls as well.

I must admit that the first feeling I had was one of overwhelming relief. Then I had a lot of hard work to do to help the girls relax in there own home. But I coped and got through it, I was working as SE at that time (doing Body shop so I worked and had social contact at the same time.)

One thing I managed to do, was to maintain a civilized relationship with him no matter how much i wanted to put a brick over his head.

5yrs on and my health as suffered greatly following 10yrs of mental abuse. I am suffering with CFS and I struggle at times, but it was deffinately worth it. I don't no what I would be like if we were still together (probably a complete and total bag of nerves).

As painful as this is, you can get through it, it will be worth it, and you are worth a lot more than you realise. You are a very special person. His behaviour is really because he is very imature and cannot cope with marriage.

We are here for you through this difficult time. pack his bag and wish him well. Keep it as amicable as possible, allow yourself time to grieve and you will come through this. You can and are able to manage your finances. Don't panic. and don't end up like me.

god bless
Hells

greent

Sammy_kaye - more (((((hugs)))))) from me x A difficult one - only you know what's best. Take care of you and the little ones x

glendam

Cant say things as well as other people and it has all been said.

Just wanted to send hugs to Sammy and her children. I have been reading along time but dont post to often but I do know that your love for the children always shines through your posts and will help you through.

Glenda

dollydaydream07

another one sending (((hugs))) to Sammy this morning