Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

Fruball

NualaBuala wrote: »

Frugal, the bit I'm shocked at is that someone gave away Le Creuset on Freecycle!!!! You must be in a dead posh area!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I was shocked too!!! Some of the pans are really small tho... not sure what use they will be.... but hey, they are mine now

ex lives on cheese sandwiches and bananas so he has no use for them anyway

Much better that they find a good home in my kitchen where they will be well used and loved

NualaBuala

Frugal wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I was shocked too!!! Some of the pans are really small tho... not sure what use they will be.... but hey, they are mine now

ex lives on cheese sandwiches and bananas so he has no use for them anyway

Much better that they find a good home in my kitchen where they will be well used and loved

Oh you'll find a use for them! Hmmm, don't suppose they are offering Kitchen Aids or Kenwood Chefs. Quite fancy summat like that.

Fruball

NualaBuala wrote: »

Oh you'll find a use for them! Hmmm, don't suppose they are offering Kitchen Aids or Kenwood Chefs. Quite fancy summat like that.

well... if i ever acquire one, i will try to acquire another for you

ceridwen

Frugal wrote: »

hmmmmmmmmmmmm neither of us live there... its still full of BOTH our stuff, and HE took mine before I ever took his!

the stuff he has taken that i bought cost me money... the cruset pans he got for free.... go figure

not to mention that he had the full use of ALL my stuff (he came to live with me and had nothing but a suitcase of clothes, i on the other hand had a houseful of equipment, tools etc etc etc) AND he has left me with debt.

can't see how taking a few pans, when he had the use of the rest of my stuff... curtains, pictures, towels, bedding, kitchen goods, DIY tools, sofas, furniture etc etc etc when he lived there for a year after i left, whilst i am still paying some of the mortgage, is a bad thing.

Well - I wouldnt normally agree with taking those Le Creuset saucepans (or owt else) - but, in fairness, in the circumstances that he has had a years free rental of the house (in my area of the country - that would be worth about £10,000 on even an ordinary little house:eek:) and left you with debt - then I would have taken RATHER a lot more than a set of saucepans to compensate myself for that.....as he will still owe you...

So - I would agree with it on that occasion...

JoJoB

Big hugs zazara, hope you and your son get the help you need.

Decided to tackle my own drinking head on now - keep blaming it on OH as he is the one who instigates it - and at a certain point of tipsiness pops out to the shop for cigarettes, which is what I hate the most when I've sobered up the next day.

OH got quite drunk and slept till 12 on friday, saturday and sunday. I joined him on friday (his first opportunity for a drink since getting the redundancy news so could hardly begrudge him). Saturday was a family social occasion, so fair enough. But Sunday I stopped because I was a bit bored of feeling like rubbish and quite fancied actually doing stuff on Monday. But OH got really drunk again - the excuse being he had a day off on monday! Been back at work one day and we had a friend round last night we hadn't seen in a while so he got drunk again!

Spent the morning doing my sums and seeing how much we have left for the month after bills and we have £60 a week for the next for weeks. Considering this is our pre-redundancy wages it certainly shows how much we have spent over 4 days when alcohol has been involved and we haven't kept a close eye on our spending!

On the upside it means OH's opportunity for drinking and smoking will be decreased. This weekend will be difficult as we are going to my sis-in-law's for big Halloween weekend with various parties. I would like to use this as an opportunity to not drink and set a good example to OH and just start as I mean to go on, but am nervous as I will be sooooo tempted!

OH really is a lovely man in every way - but his drink problem is such a worry, and is rapidly becoming my problem too! The finances won't be able to take the strain when he goes down to half wages so we really need to get this sorted.

jackieglasgow

Jojo, have a {{hug}} you sound really worried. I may have missed it in your posts, but have you actually told him you are worried, not just about his health, but about the money side of things? Maybe he has his head buried in the sand, and won't notice unless you tell him. Also, it seems to be a fairly common thing for people who are depressed to hide in the bottle, which of course makes the depression worse. It might be worth going to your GP for advice. xx

JoJoB

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Jojo, have a {{hug}} you sound really worried. I may have missed it in your posts, but have you actually told him you are worried, not just about his health, but about the money side of things? Maybe he has his head buried in the sand, and won't notice unless you tell him. Also, it seems to be a fairly common thing for people who are depressed to hide in the bottle, which of course makes the depression worse. It might be worth going to your GP for advice. xx

Thanks jackie - yes I have told him, in all sorts of ways. Calmly, rationally, angrily, tearfully. He accepts he drinks too much, he doesn't disagree with me. His stock response is that he doesn't drink every day, isn't Oliver Reed drinking a bottle of sherry before breakfast, everyone's gotta die sometime, at least he doesn't do drugs, blah blah blah.

He listens, he knows, and yet he still drinks. He is basically addicted. He won't accept he's an alcoholic, because his mother was an alcoholic, and because he's not passed out at 2 in the afternoon or whatever he doesn't think his problem is quite as bad as hers.

Last week when we were so broke before payday drinking wasn't an option he felt really good. I made him healthy packed lunches for work, he wasn't drinking, and he felt great. Didn't stop him drinking again though!

I think for now I just have to concentrate on my own part in it. I'm a bit of a lush myself so it's a struggle for me too - but I have more desire to stop and don't drink as much as him in the first place. So going to just stop now myself and not feel I "have" to drink if there is a social occasion. This weekend is all going to be parties and part of me was dreading it because of drinking. So I am going to try not drinking at a party, which is something I have never done before, ever.

I don't expect OH not to drink (his sister is always a source of stress for a start), but if I can start leading by example it will make his drink problem all the more obvious to him.

jackieglasgow

I think you also need to think more about doing it for yourself, than "leading by example" If he is in that much denial about it, then he won't care. Don't drink for your own sake. If you are sober, and feeling healthier through not drinking, you will feel stronger in body and spirit to deal with whatever is to come on your husband's side of things. I don't really drink these days, the odd glass of wine here or there, and maybe the odd "getting drunk" at a party or night out - 1 or 2 a year - but when I am in the company of people who drink I like to take my own, so that I am not left in a predicament of what to have. I usually take a bottle of Ame or Schloer (although I am not as keen on this) so that I can quite happily say no if they are offering booze without them feeling awkward, and also there's always the odd "go on have a drink" pest, who leaves you alone if it looks like you have a glass of wine in hand Good luck, and be strong! xx

anguk

jojo, my OH was also convinced he didn't have a problem with alcohol because he only ever had a drink once a week and he didn't drink in the house. The problem was he always got drunk. He was a binge drinker, he could never just have a couple, he had to get drunk.

This went on for a good few years and no amount of me begging, being supportive, getting angry or anything made a difference. He worked hard and liked to have a drink once a week. What made him stop was a bout of pancreatitis (very, very painful) and the subsequent hospital stay.

Personally, I think that drink problems are getting worse because of cheap supermarket alcohol, it's made it much more accessible and easier to drink in the house, whereas before people mainly only drank if they went out.

I agree with Jackie, do it for yourself if you're wanting to stop. Your OH will have to decide for himself when/if he wants to stop. Good luck xxx

Hippeechiq

One of the signs of being an alcoholic is denying you have a drink problem.

I remember lining up 5 empty whisky bottles on my Dads living room carpet that he had got through in a week (I know this because I had cleared out all the empty bottles and cans the previous week) and he still wouldn't have it that he had a problem, or admit that he'd consumed all 5 bottles within a 7 day period. He accepted that I told him I had cleared all empty bottles and cans 7 days before, and he acknowledged that I'm not a liar, and wouldn't lie to him, but he wouldn't accept/admit that he had drank them.

That said, he did get better eventually, so there is always hope hun

Once you can get him to admit he has a problem, you can start to make progress. I was made redundant in January and it makes you feel like sh!te, so he may use that as his reason for drinking for a little while until he gets his head round it.

You may find your problem is sorted out for you in as much as the money wont be there to buy the alcohol - that may at least help your cause.

I wish you both the very best of luck hun