The Memorygirl Matrix

clairewop

Good morning

Well I'm having a week of not getting anywhere fast, I seem to be cleaning but not getting anywhere iykwim.

dedicateddfw yes my house is coming along fab!! I've got photo's of before and after ad if you saw them you wouldn't believe the difference I still can't believe how different the house is looking.Plus I don't cringe every time the door goes now, hoping whilst people are visiting they don't want to use the bathroom etc

Still trying to de clutter and get ship shape but am getting there. will do a few hours again today.

Any update on the school situation yet?

Crafty scholar, I would explain to your friend that she had said that she wasn't bothered and just explain you decided to use the money to further your education.

thriftyscotslass

So many wise words above Craftyscholar.

What I will add is that IME when the relationship is close, emotions and feelings often cloud the issue. So take a step back, what would you advise if someone else asked your advice on this problem.

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

You can't live your life jumping through other peoples hoops...

Guilt-tripping can be a very passive-aggressive or openly aggressive means of trying to control another person's behaviour. Whether you choose to pick-up that guilt and own it is your choice.

I hope that doesn't sound harsh - it is meant with a lot of compassion from one who took a looonnnggggg time to learn it.

Thriftyxxx

clairewop

I've had a phone call from the hospital, I have to go in on Monday and have swabs taken then on friday I have to have an epidural I don't want it

Double_Trouble

clairewop wrote: »

I've had a phone call from the hospital, I have to go in on Monday and have swabs taken then on friday I have to have an epidural I don't want it

Oh claire I am sorry but presumably it needs to be done hugs to you

DTxx

tellmeitsfriday

Oh Claire - what's up x

Craftyscholar

thriftyscotslass wrote: »

So many wise words above Craftyscholar.

What I will add is that IME when the relationship is close, emotions and feelings often cloud the issue. So take a step back, what would you advise if someone else asked your advice on this problem.

Guilt-tripping can be a very passive-aggressive or openly aggressive means of trying to control another person's behaviour. Whether you choose to pick-up that guilt and own it is your choice.

I hope that doesn't sound harsh - it is meant with a lot of compassion from one who took a looonnnggggg time to learn it.

Thriftyxxx

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

I agree with what the others have said Craftyscholar. Be honest, apologise if you've misinterpreted what she said and if she can't accept that then perhaps the friendship has run it's course. You can't live your life jumping through other peoples hoops and if she's never told to stop changing her mind she's never going to learn the impact it actually has on other people besides herself.

cherisong wrote: »

If, as you say, she is a valued friend then I am sure that she feels the same about you. Please forgive me if I sound blunt but somebody once said this to me and it really hit home so here goes.
The guilt is your problem not hers. However if you go on this holiday with her and indeed continue to do things with her as she changes her mind then the problem you have of feeling guilty and so saying yes will begin to build into resentment and eventually taint that friendship. She may be totally unaware that this is a trait that she has, if you have always gone along in the past she probably doesnt see it as a problem.
Ok, now thats off my chest i would suggest that you simply explain that because she had said that she wasnt going to go you have committed your money elsewhere and simply cannot afford that too. Perhaps you could suggest that you have a short break together instead (maybe use the travelodge deals). She could then also go on the other holiday too if she wished whilst still having your yearly trip together albeit smaller.
Hope I havent offended you but when a friend suggested that the guilty feeling was my problem not the other friends and that my reluctance to speak up would spoil the friendship it really pulled me up short. In fact it made me realise that I had seen this happen to other people.

Many thanks to you all for your replies.
I re-read what I had posted and even I wanted to shake me :rotfl:

Yes, I'm the one guilt-tripping me. Whatever she does she always manages to justify her actions - so has nothing to feel guilty about IYSWIM.

There is a lot of back-story to my reactions, mainly many years of low self esteem (why would anyone want to be friends with someone like me) of course if you are giving off those vibes then you just put people off so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
So when someone does become - and stay - your friend it becomes very important not to put that at risk. Put it this way several years ago I had flu (the horizontal 'leave me to die' type) and she drove 200 miles to come and look after me.
I am happy to say that I now have local friends who would help me out, but not in those days.

Thrifty, yes that does strike a chord. Funnily enough she did it in a very small way last week-end and I thought "Haud on - that's not fair. You did it that way, not me so not my fault" so maybe I am learning.

ETA Hugs Claire - not good but better than suffering.

se999

Well the universe isn't very positive here today either, OH was hoping to get the all clear from the hospital, unfortunately not the case, so back again in just over a month. My last weeks cold/flu, is now adding a bad cough, so the 5k by Christmas exercise plan is on hold. The only objectives were the 5k & organise a trip to London in November, cancelled this morning due to OH's work commitments (too much time critical work needed due to him being ill) so need to rethink my objectives, and see how much of the November plans I can do remotely.

Seems like a few of us aren't having too good a day today.

Craftyscholar

Well it could be that the Universe is testing you all with these health problems, but if so I wish it wouldn't bother.

Bitsy_Beans

clairewop wrote: »

I've had a phone call from the hospital, I have to go in on Monday and have swabs taken then on friday I have to have an epidural I don't want it

I assume it's a means to an end? I know it's a daunting prospect but I've had an epidural and it's really not as frightening as it sounds. Big hugs xx

se999 - not sure what's up with your OH but sorry the news isn't what you want to hear. Hugs to you too xx

ClootiesMum

Oh Clootiesmum - could I ask you for some more information about approved food please? Is it just a site where anyone could order food from or do you have to be a member or place a minimum order etc.

Hi DFW - you don't have to be a member & delivery depends on weight, the same price up to 28kg (I think that is the weight but the website has all the dtls) so you are cheap on delivery as ordering 1 thing as 28kg of stuff - & the weight is added up for you as you go.

The site is www.approvedfoods.com and is well worth a look - although things available do change regularly so you need to keep checking back.

Hope this is of some use to you

CM