The Memorygirl Matrix

Lucifa73

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Lucifa - Hmm not sure if I am qualified to explain - not an official member of the Matrix just post on this thread. My understanding is it a group of like minded people who've joined together to form the Matrix and they share ideas and positivity and any particular skill sets that a member might need? I apologise if I've got that wrong

Sounds interesting. I could do with some positive force in my life. I have managed to get control of my personal demons - PND and fat - in the last 8 months but other areas could do with some help. And I'm always happy to help others Where do I find out more?

Craftyscholar

While we are waiting for MG to report back can I bother you lot with a bit of a problem?

She is my oldest and closest friend.
We have been on holiday a few times over the years, recently had two very pleasant trips (UK) through her former work retirement group.
However when next year’s location was announced she said that she was not really bothered about going to that area and neither was I.
Plus, while we always get a good deal on the hotel, it’s not all that cheap (we probably have the lowest incomes of any of the party).
So I thought fine we are not going - now she is talking about getting further info as if it was always still under consideration!


OK I should know by this time that she can decide A then announce B and swear blind she never considered A (and on occasion switch back again), but I always fall for it as she sounds so convincing and committed.


Anyway this time I took her at her word and decided that although finance would be tight I would commit to my OU course.

So now I am faced with the prospect of telling her that I am not in a position to go. I know she would not go on her own so I would be doing her out of her holiday as well.


The other way round I know she would convince me that I had always wanted what she had decided, but I am already beating myself up and feeling guilty.


I must say, before anyone jumps on her, that she would do anything for anyone and I truly value her friendship (but that does not blind me to her weaknesses)

DedicatedDFW

Thanks Se - have added that book onto my list of wants - Looks like there are some great ideas and I agree will be fab for gifts too

Alisonpennypincher - I will definitely ask in the charity shop when I am next in one.

MrsMoo2U

Lucifa - the Matrix grew out of this thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2445739 It is mahoosive but might be worth you having a skim read to give you a flavour of what kind of things created this powerful positive movement towards the future for lots of us. There are a few of us making baby steps and bloomin huge leaps to setting up businesses for which we all give ideas and help. The matrix is basically a group of us who are willing to share our skills and time for 15 minutes per day to help others within the matrix to achieve their goals. As things grew we needed to move over some of the discussions to a Matrix site as we were sailing close to the wind with regards to the rules on this site. If you read the thread (this and the one above) and want to be involved further then you need to PM Memory Girl. Otherwise you can just carry on reading this thread and jump in as and when you feel ready to help with something. You do not need to be part of the Matrix to gain help and inspiration from the ladies on here. Well done on taking control of your demons by the way. That takes a lot of courage to say Enough.

SailorGirl - now I love everybodys challenges but can I just say that these
write more letters
make one friend per week
struck such a chord with me - whilst I wont add them to my challenge it has reminded me to reinstate something I started when I moved hundreds of miles from my family. I love getting letters but nobody seems to do that anymore and I have to say that I got a bit miffed that nobody returned the gesture - maybe I need to be specific with the universe.

Lucifa73

If you don't mind me commenting, Craftyscholar (after all I've not even introduced myself to Memory Girl yet!), I would just be absolutely honest with her. Apologise but explain that last time you had discussed the holiday with her it was decided you wouldn't go and you have since committed to spend the money saved on your OU course but if there was a trip next year you would be happy to join her.

Also, are there other friends she might be comfortable going with instead?

Lucifa73

Thanks so much Cherisong. I have some time to myself next week so will read the rest of the make do and mend thread and catchup on this one. I hope once I've caught up I do have something to offer....

*whooshes off to page one of thread to read between doing work*

MrsMoo2U

Craftyscholar wrote: »

While we are waiting for MG to report back can I bother you lot with a bit of a problem?

She is my oldest and closest friend.
We have been on holiday a few times over the years, recently had two very pleasant trips (UK) through her former work retirement group.
However when next year’s location was announced she said that she was not really bothered about going to that area and neither was I.
Plus, while we always get a good deal on the hotel, it’s not all that cheap (we probably have the lowest incomes of any of the party).
So I thought fine we are not going - now she is talking about getting further info as if it was always still under consideration!


OK I should know by this time that she can decide A then announce B and swear blind she never considered A (and on occasion switch back again), but I always fall for it as she sounds so convincing and committed.


Anyway this time I took her at her word and decided that although finance would be tight I would commit to my OU course.

So now I am faced with the prospect of telling her that I am not in a position to go. I know she would not go on her own so I would be doing her out of her holiday as well.


The other way round I know she would convince me that I had always wanted what she had decided, but I am already beating myself up and feeling guilty.


I must say, before anyone jumps on her, that she would do anything for anyone and I truly value her friendship (but that does not blind me to her weaknesses)

If, as you say, she is a valued friend then I am sure that she feels the same about you. Please forgive me if I sound blunt but somebody once said this to me and it really hit home so here goes.
The guilt is your problem not hers. However if you go on this holiday with her and indeed continue to do things with her as she changes her mind then the problem you have of feeling guilty and so saying yes will begin to build into resentment and eventually taint that friendship. She may be totally unaware that this is a trait that she has, if you have always gone along in the past she probably doesnt see it as a problem.
Ok, now thats off my chest i would suggest that you simply explain that because she had said that she wasnt going to go you have committed your money elsewhere and simply cannot afford that too. Perhaps you could suggest that you have a short break together instead (maybe use the travelodge deals). She could then also go on the other holiday too if she wished whilst still having your yearly trip together albeit smaller.
Hope I havent offended you but when a friend suggested that the guilty feeling was my problem not the other friends and that my reluctance to speak up would spoil the friendship it really pulled me up short. In fact it made me realise that I had seen this happen to other people.

tellmeitsfriday

Crafty - I was about to say the same.. tell her you've committed the money elsewhere now, and they "proper" holiday is no longer an option for you.

If ££ allows suggest a mini-break somewhere, or dinner out somewhere nice, or just tea and biccies on free days.

Time together with your friends is most important, it doesn't matter which country you spend it together in

Bitsy_Beans

Lucifa73 wrote: »

Sounds interesting. I could do with some positive force in my life. I have managed to get control of my personal demons - PND and fat - in the last 8 months but other areas could do with some help. And I'm always happy to help others Where do I find out more?

Well done on getting control of your demons :T
I hang around this thread and MG's other Make do and mend thread radiates positivity
Hope you enjoy getting stuck in

I agree with what the others have said Craftyscholar. Be honest, apologise if you've misinterpreted what she said and if she can't accept that then perhaps the friendship has run it's course. You can't live your life jumping through other peoples hoops and if she's never told to stop changing her mind she's never going to learn the impact it actually has on other people besides herself.

Lucifa73

Just had a thought. The SA rugby team are inthe UK over the next few weeks. Could you ask them to take some of the kits 4 kids home with them??? (Sorry if this has already been suggested - I haven't caught up properly yet)