Broken down and very scared

little_miss_T

i really hope that someone will be able to tell me how i get out of the mess im in (or even just offer a friendly smile and words of encouragement to get me through this dark lonely time)

Last night i got in from work to find that my husband had left me.. took everything out of the flat and emptied my bank account.

i had no idea that this was going to happen, and have no idea why it did, but it has and i have to deal with it.

what i need to work out now is how am i going to survive.. i dont earn enough to stay there on my own, with rent and bills and travel expenses, but i have nowhere else to go. i have mountains of debt and im just lost and scared and confused

am i entitled to any kind of help financially from anyone?

Please please can someone help me. im only 23 and i have never been on my own, so i dont know how to do it. i will adapt to it, but its just so hard to see a happy future.


Thanks

saltnvinegar

Hi Little Miss T

I'm so sorry to hear what your husband has done to you. All I can say is that he is a complete coward to do this in the way that he has.

If you do not think there is any chance of reconciliation then you have to get to firefighting as this doesn't help your financial situation does it so what do you need to do as a matter of urgency?

1) Inform your bank what has happened. Close the account if possible and cancel all cards. You do not want him running up any more debt in your name

2) Change the locks on your flat if you can

3) DO NOT borrow any more money from payday loan companies and the like no matter how desperate you are. This is only going to make your situation worse in the long run

4) Do you have any friends/family who can turn to for help, financial or emotional support or who you could stay with?

5) Open up a bank account in your name only (not financially linked to any of your other creditors). Nationwide/Co-op/Natwest all do basic bank accounts. You can walk into a branch with proof of ID and utility bill and open up an account over the counter.

6) Get your wages paid into this new account

So once the firefighting stuff is out the way you can start tackling the other stuff. Don't worry about your other debt for today, you can sort that out later.

Some other questions:

1) Is the flat rented/mortgaged?

2) Do you have any other joint debts/liabilities with your husband

3) Are you on a DMP? If so you need to call them up to let them know whats happened?

Try not to worry about the 'trivial' stuff for the moment. You need to stop your husband from plunging you further into debt and taking your money.

:grouphug:

Best Wishes

SnV

jennyo

How awful, you have been given some good practical advice above, things will seem very dark at the moment. If you get proactive and start on the things saltnvinegar suggests it may help you feel a little better.
On the plus side you are 23 and there are lots of wonderful things ahead of you, a whole happy life to lead. Hope you have family and friends close by that will help you. You will be suprised how people rally round, you have had a terrible experience with your husband, but mostly folks are good and they will help if you share your problems.
Best of luck, things can only get better.

MrsTinks

Well I guess there are some good news in this... at least you found out he's a coward at 23 and not 43 or 53...

SnV has given you some good starting points above - I'd add to that do a full SOA so we can see where we're at with the situation.
I don't know if you'd be entitled to anything as I think technically a lot of the benefits would still consider your husbands income in the equation... annoyingly.

Is the flat big enough to rent out a room? That might help you in the short term... If it's a rented flat contact your landlord ASAP and let them know what is going on. They might not mind if you get someone else in to help with the bills when you tell them how cowardly your husband has left you in the lurch.
And if BOTH your names are on the tenancy the satisfying thing is that HE is still liable for the rent too...
I don't suppose he left a note saying sorry and I'll carry on covering x bills until it's all sorted did he?

little_miss_T

saltnvinegar wrote: »

Hi Little Miss T

I'm so sorry to hear what your husband has done to you. All I can say is that he is a complete coward to do this in the way that he has.

If you do not think there is any chance of reconciliation then you have to get to firefighting as this doesn't help your financial situation does it so what do you need to do as a matter of urgency?

1) Inform your bank what has happened. Close the account if possible and cancel all cards. You do not want him running up any more debt in your name

I will do this on my break as i have had to come to work this morning. when i called the bank last night and found that he had took all the money, they said i could ring the marrital disputes dpt today and see if they can help.

2) Change the locks on your flat if you can

i cant change the locks, but he has left his key and i have the key to the second door that he doesnt have so that is now locked, so he cant get in anyway

3) DO NOT borrow any more money from payday loan companies and the like no matter how desperate you are. This is only going to make your situation worse in the long run

i wouldnt dream of it.

4) Do you have any friends/family who can turn to for help, financial or emotional support or who you could stay with?

my mam and dad have been brilliant, and they will help me out as much as they can, but they have not got alot either so it will be hard for them.

5) Open up a bank account in your name only (not financially linked to any of your other creditors). Nationwide/Co-op/Natwest all do basic bank accounts. You can walk into a branch with proof of ID and utility bill and open up an account over the counter.

the joint account is with the coop, they will let me open a new account over the phone so i will sort that out on lunch break,

6) Get your wages paid into this new account

So once the firefighting stuff is out the way you can start tackling the other stuff. Don't worry about your other debt for today, you can sort that out later.

Some other questions:

1) Is the flat rented/mortgaged?

Rented (thank the lord)

2) Do you have any other joint debts/liabilities with your husband

nothing joint he was clever and made sure everything was in my name

3) Are you on a DMP? If so you need to call them up to let them know whats happened?

not on an official DMP but i have been managing my debts on my own.

Try not to worry about the 'trivial' stuff for the moment. You need to stop your husband from plunging you further into debt and taking your money.

:grouphug:

Best Wishes

SnV

thank you so much for your advice.. i just cant see how this is going to get better.. if i was not at work i would be able to sort so much out, but im here til 8 tonight and 8-8 tomorrow, but then off for 9 days so that will be a help.

i had to pay £22 for a taxi in this morning as that is the only way i can get here so will have to do the same tomorrow.

have sent an email around work to see if anyone lives near me so we can car share, so that might help if there is anyone.

little_miss_T

the flat is only one bedroom, so no chance of renting a room.. it is in joint names, but he will not pay anything..

annibee

Firstly I am so Sorry that you are going through this it will be so tough for you at first (Theres no point in lying) but you will soon be flying high on your own I can Guarentee.

Secondly everyone has given a bit of good advice and everyone on here will support you as best we can

Thirdly you need to sit down and work out exactly what you have coming in and going out. An SOA will do this. If it works out hat you cannot afford the flat then maybe you could move back to parents for a small while - Yes at first will feel a little down but just until you get back on your feet and what you dont want is to incur costs or charges for not being able to make payments. You say taxi is the only way to work and well done for looking into car share great idea! Can you drive or get a bus half way to save a little money?

Also I think you should speak to CAB they can give advice about seperation as since he has dissapeared i dont suppose hes signed a divorce paper? if you can get classed as seperated you will be entitled to some benefits which may help but like i said CAB can advise (for free).

Hugs to you and hopefully things will go smoothly x

podperson

Aww hun, what a horrible thing know it seems awful now but really sounds like you are best rid of someone like that!
As mentioned above try working out an soa so you can see if you will be able to manage on your income. Have a look at the entitled to website to see if you would be able to get any benefits, are a little young for tax credits but would think housing and council tax benefit would be a definite option and let the council know straight away that he has moved out so you get your single occupancy discount.
Could also be worth writing to your debts and telling them the situation and that you will just be paying token payments of £1 a month until you get sorted out. This will at least take the pressure off that side and you need your money for the priority bills at the moment.

katsu

Could you cycle to work - I assume you are not on a bus route if you are taking taxis?

You could maybe get a bike from freecycle or cheap from ebay?

Def get an SOA together so people can advise you.

Would you be better off looking for a rented room? How much longer do you have on the tenancy for the flat?

Do you have any contact with him - say via his parents?

curlytop12

hello there,
i can't give you any better advice than has been given, but just wanted to say well done on how you are handling this situation!
you sound like you have a sensible head on your shoulders,am sure you will get sorted,you just keep asking and the help will keep coming.
make sure you lean on your friends and family for emotional support when you need it.
good luck to you.

d3mon4ngel

Hi Little Miss T,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can't really offer any more advice than has already been given either, but just wanted to say that you're doing really well, and to wish you good luck in sorting it all out.

(( HUGS ))