Shared custody and effecting benefits?

jellyhead

Could he take both children for a day or so, to let you have time for a proper sleep? Why does he only want the eldest, are they both his?

I have no advice, I don't know anything about the benefits situation but just wanted to send you a hug. Can you get an appointment with citizens advice to talk this through? They might know the rules about it.

Have you seen anyone about the colic and reflux? My youngest was a nightmare. Using a treatment called colief helped him, but it probably doesn't work for everyone. It might be worth a try if you can afford a bottle. I paid for my first bottle then got it on prescription from the GP. Or, you could buy LF milk (lactose free) from boots and try that, it costs twice as much as a tin of ordinary formula though, well it costs the same but it's a tiny tin with half as much in. Will your health visitor come round to talk to you about the reflux and colic?

How long is your other half planning on being out of work for? Until the kids are both at school? I'm guessing that the welfare system won't pay for you both to be on the dole, and it makes more sense for you to be the one claiming, if you are doing all the childcare for the baby.

minimoneysaver

I remember seeing posts from OP in the past. The advice here today echos what has been said before. He needs to make work his priority by allowing himself to be free for work the 7 days, 40 hrs a week and then sorting out the access when he has found a job and can support his children. It is madness trying to do it the other way round. Why should we all work all hours god sends to support someone like this? It really does sound like he is trying to use his children to avoid work... not good. I live on my own with my daughter. She's now at school and I manage to work by using breakfast and after school clubs to help out with my childcare issues. If he really wanted to get a job, support his children and ensure frequent contact, where he could afford to take them out and enjoy life with them...... he would get a job.

mumof1and1ontheway

my youngest is only 8 weeks and breastfed which is why i only allow 2 hours a week for now. takes me a lot to express enough for it really.
i know he should work. but im soft. i cant help feeling guilty all the time. if i had a back bone id have no problem i guess?

JBD

Sorry, but I'm really starting to smell a rat here.
One of you has to be the primary carer, You can't both claim 'lone parent' benefits.
It's starting to sound as if you are both trying to maximise your claims.
OP, if this isn't the case I would suggest you go to Citizen's advice and get proper legal advice.
[I'm not being nasty for the sake of it, but I'm an outsider, and some things aren't adding up].As I said, would advise you OP to protect yourself.

Penny-Pincher!!

I dont mean to sound rude, but why should the OP just get financial help for the child when the father has them a few nights a week also? Basically, she doesnt have the child for 3.5 days a week, so why shouldnt she give the ex a contribution towards looking after the child? The OP doesnt have to care, cook or clean etc for that child for half the week! Why should it fall all on the ex (male) partner?....why cant the OP get a job to support the children.

Im sorry but so many posts now refer to the ex partner being the mean one.

It sounds like he is a good father looking after the child for half the week and not wanting to recive any financial gain till now.

PP

jellyhead

You can add colief to breastmilk.

http://www.forum-health.co.uk/products_colief.asp

jellyhead

Where is the ex living? How is he feeding himself and the eldest?

minimoneysaver

Penny Pincher - the OP's youngest is only 8 weeks and is being breastfed. I don't think anyone expects her to go out and get a job. What she needs to do is give her ex a kick up the backside though and stop giving him excuses not to work. An OP those vouchers are to give you and the baby enough good quality food to sustain the infants life... not to be given to ex.

Penny-Pincher!!

minimoneysaver wrote: »

Penny Pincher - the OP's youngest is only 8 weeks and is being breastfed. I don't think anyone expects her to go out and get a job. What she needs to do is give her ex a kick up the backside though and stop giving him excuses not to work. An OP those vouchers are to give you and the baby enough good quality food to sustain the infants life... not to be given to ex.

Sorry, didnt realise the little one was so young!

I agree the ex does need to get a job but in all seriousness he is having their child for 50% of the time, so he should be able to receive something or the OP should be contributing towards living costs for the child as she is receiving money and not looking after the child for 50% of the time.

JBD

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

Sorry, didnt realise the little one was so young!

I agree the ex does need to get a job but in all seriousness he is having their child for 50% of the time, so he should be able to receive something or the OP should be contributing towards living costs for the child as she is receiving money and not looking after the child for 50% of the time.

From previous threads the OP has already offered the father the relevant % of the child benefit and tax credit she receives for the oldest child.
I don't understand why he has made himself unable to claim JSA and housing benefit, when the couple share child care on an informal basis.
Because he is a father doesn't mean he is exempt from work. Surely they should be able to arrange child care and residency around available employment opportunities? [Obviously the OP is exempt as she is still breastfeeding and must therefore be regarded as the primary caregiver?]