Shared custody and effecting benefits?

thorsoak

I'm afraid that the way it looks to me, is that OP's ex just wants the piece of paper giving him c/b to be his key to staying on benefits!

Please get legal advice - and also advice from your Health Visitor - I think you need both.

{{hugs}}

LittleTinker

OP....do not sign anything.

It really does sound as though your ex is 'using' your child as his reason for not working.

You are not responsible for him so please stop stressing about this. You look after you. If he wants to take your child for 3 days a week, then you ought to view that as him helping you out, and NOT as 50/50 custody.

mumof1and1ontheway

Because I have told him I will not sign it he is now going to civil court to try and get full custody of my children Can he do this? What would a court agree was good access to his children? Can I change it back to 2 nights a week for now? Or will the court allow him more? And on what grounds would a court grant the father full custody of his children? Ive had depression in the past and self harmed 10 years ago. I am not coping extremely well at the moment due to colic and reflux and health problems of my own. But I am managing to look after my kids! help?

jellyhead

How recent was your depression? I don't know anything about custody, but my personal feeling is that self harm 10 years ago shouldn't be a factor now, not if you've not done it in the last ten years.

Try starting another thread, but don't put the 'benefits' word in the title, and you might get more help.

I know somebody who is going through a custody battle at the moment, and there's an agency called cafcas (that's how it sounds but I don't know how to spell it) who are writing up a report with recommendations to the court. It's taking a while and they are talking to schools, health visitors, social services etc. about the children and their welfare to build up a picture of if the mum truly is a risk, or the dad truly is a risk, or if they are both just being malicious.

Good luck with this!

does he want both children? why? he hasn't seen much of the smallest one so far?

zzzLazyDaisy

That should show you that his motives are entirely self centred.

His chances of obtaining a residence order for a tiny baby and a young child are extremely low indeed.

In fact, if he is using words like 'custody' and 'access' then it is a good bet that he hasn't even seen a solicitor as these terms are very outdated and no longer used.

You need to go and see a good solicitor specialising in family law. You will be entitled to legal aid as you are not working and have two children to support. The solicitor will deal with all correspondence from him or his solicitor, and this will remove some of the pressure from you. You just need to focus on keeping well, and looking after your little ones.

mumof1and1ontheway

he may just be meaning my eldest, im not sure. but im tempted to only allow him to have him 2 nights a week while hes like this? i had depression about 8 months ago. but never bad enough to be suicidal etc. just enough for councelling really. ill post a new thread ty.

freyanneke_2

You poor thing, he is does not have a chance as long as you keep on doing a good job. Your children are well looked after and that is what counts. He does not seem to have his life in order, while you are working hard to keep it all running. Don't worry too much. We are here for you when you need us. I am sure in this I can speak for other posters.

thorsoak

Mum of 2 now

You are doing a great job - you are planning on returning to education/training which will give your children a far better life than they will have with a father who sees them as a key to not having to earn his own living!

Stand firm - don't let him have any more access to the children than he has at present - and instead of you sending round vouchers etc to him - ask him to start contributing to the cost of baby's nappies!

Don't put yourself down - you are doing a great job - and don't let him start putting you down either!

mumof1and1ontheway

I am doing an open uni course and trying to self teach polish.. with the hopes of working part time next year and doing a science course.. or simular. then returning to uni as soon as i am stable enough to and the kids arnt so young. thanks hun.

minimoneysaver

Keep the education going. It is a sure fire way to escape the hold of living on benefits and you can prove that you are trying to provide for your children's future. You need to formulate a plan for yourself and your children and then stick to it. If you have things sorted your end and get yourself a good solicitor, I wouldn't have thought you would have anything to worry about.