Shared custody and effecting benefits?

zzzLazyDaisy

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

he may just be meaning my eldest, im not sure

The courts almost never split siblings unless there is a very very good reason, because it is believed that it is in the children's best interests to be kept together.

Think about it, do you really think the court would take an eight week old baby who is still breast feeding and its older child from a loving mum and place them with a father whose only interest in them appears to be to use them as a way of avoiding getting a job?

I suspect he is just making empty threats to upset you because he is annoyed at not getting his own way, but as I said before, go and get legal advice - it won't cost you anything and you will feel stronger knowing exactly what your (and your children's) legal rights are.

RAS

Hi

Only skip-read but here is my take on this. Your ex is an out and out bully and he knows how to freak you out.

A court would almost never allow a father sole residency of a baby unless the mother was totally incapable - meaning drugs, other abuse or severe neglect and would very rarely allow this for a 2 year old unless the mother has already surrendered residency rights.

Do you have a copy of the letter he wanted you to sign as this is valuable evidence.

Stop giving him sure start voucher or anything towards the children's care when he goes to see them, except expressed milk.

Stop offering to take the kids part way.

You need to get legal advice from someone who knows about residency and access. It does not sound as if your current solicitor does, so ask him if anyone else in the firm is experienced in coping with very difficult cases. if not, find a new lawyer.

In the short term put the study on hold as yu have more than enough on your paklte fighting this man.

mumof1and1ontheway

my only worry now is my solicitor mentioned you can only apply for legal aid once i a period of 6 months or 1 year? (cant remember which). and obv ive applied for that for the divorce. is that true?

minimoneysaver

Oooh I don't know about that. I'm sure someone will be along who does know the answer to that soon enough. Have you tried to google it?
I know this is a lot of stress that you don't need right now. Try to stay calm. As other posters have said. You aren't about to have your children removed from you in the near future. Keep looking after them, ensure all medical appointments and check ups are attended and you'll have nothing to worry about.

mumof1and1ontheway

i also worry because i have an appt tomorrow about a small op i need. and due to problems from birth not healing as it should i will now need a bigger op where ill be put to sleep in the next 12 months. which will mean relying on the ex to have my youngest for a full day. which means he will then expect to have him for more full days. in a way i wish there were guidelines to follow.. eg.. when your baby is under 6 months access of such and such hours is recommended. and at such and such age it is recommended to start 1 night overnight contact. because i feel asthough i am left guessing at all this. i am not used to being a single mum of 1 nevermind 2 and am completely confused on what to do to better my children. as the end result i want happy kids who grow up and can look back on life and say "my mummy did the best she could for us". i do enjoy my spare away from ds when i can catch up on sleep but at the same time for 3 nights i miss him tons and worry he is away too much as now he goes to nursery 2 mornings a week. so it feels like his dad gets to see him more atm. but if i mention about reducing to 2 nights a week then i get even more hassle and threats

zzzLazyDaisy

First, please don't rely on your ex to look after your child when you go into hospital. It will give him a hold over you and he will use this to control you.

In any case, there is nothing to stop him refusing on the day, and then where will you be?

If you don't have any friends or family who can step in, ask to speak to the hospital social worker, this won't be the first time a single parent has had childcare issues on going into hospital.

Re the legal aid rule - I don't know enough about legal aid, except to say that if the same firm deals with this problem - it doesn't have to be the same solicitor - then I am fairly certain that these residency and contact issues will come under the legal aid certificate for the divorce. The reason I think this is because a friend has had similar problems and there has been no problem with the legal aid.

If you choose to instruct a different solicitor for the child-related problems, then you'd have to ask the question, but I am sure there must be a way round it because where children are concerned the child's interests are paramount.

mumof1and1ontheway

my mum would look after the kids if needed. its just caused problems in the past if i havent given him first choice to take them as "hes the dad" and it should be his choice etc etc etc. even tomorrow going to my appointment caused problems because i am taking my 8 week old with me..

RAS

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

my mum would look after the kids if needed. its just caused problems in the past if i havent given him first choice to take them as "hes the dad" and it should be his choice etc etc etc. even tomorrow going to my appointment caused problems because i am taking my 8 week old with me..

For heaven's sake, he does not have the right to the first choice of whether he has the children. Please can you start acting like a parent rather than a terrified slave.

You are the parent with care and what you do when they are with you is your choice and absolutely NONE of his business. HOw does he even know? Who tells him? Well stop it happening.

paulwellerfan

hi mumofoneand1ontheway.
Can i just say i so feel for you.....
years ago my ex threatened to take me to court to gain coustardy of our child.
he said that he would say nasty things about me and the court would give him our daughter
in hindsight i just had a baby and was feeling low- i believed him
when i was weak i signed a PR agreement and every day for the last 16 years i so regreted it.
he then had a say in our lifes.
now that i am older and wiser i should have told him to take a running jump
DO NOT SIGN A THING UNTIL YOU HAVE SOUND LEGAL ADVICE.
roll on a few years and now i am a social worker, i have NEVER i repeat NEVER seen a lone parent had there kids taken off them for being a good mother ( and it seems thats what you are)
please dont be bullied by him.
i am sure your family will help you out when you need to have the op.
and i am sure people on here will be here to give you support.
hugs....