Burnout? can't cope with daily problems

Tiggie

amalis wrote: »

I failed that interview. Perfect continuation of the story.
At my current employment , my boss was way too unsatisfied with my job performance and expressed it in words like "unprofessional" and "lack of skills". After 3 years doing this job.

I once had a boss like this. It was my first full time permenanant job so I thought that it was normal (despite me being signed off though depression my manager told me I was skiving). It may be common but it's not right. If you are dealing with a heavy workload and things at home something has to give. You need to make your employer aware of what's going on in your life. I'm not saying give full details but letting them know that there are other stresses in your life may help them understand that they need to cut you a little slack in terms of deadlines or assigning the work to other people.
I also agree with other people here, see your GP and ask for counselling. I have never been asked for any details of this when applying for a job.
You feel like you're at breaking point now but it will get better. I have been there and back several times and finding someone neutral to talk to helped me so much, I honestly think she saved my life.
Please don't leave it any longer to seek help, the longer you bottle it, the longer it takes to work through
Hugs to you. T x

ERICS_MUM

amalis wrote: »

I failed that interview. Perfect continuation of the story.
At my current employment , my boss was way too unsatisfied with my job performance and expressed it in words like "unprofessional" and "lack of skills". After 3 years doing this job.

First of all you didn't fail the interview, it just happened that someone else was better suited for it, which is something everyone faces whenever applying for a job. Who knows, you might have been number 2 on their list of preferred candidates. Have you asked for feed back from the interviewer which might help you in future interviews ? Was it a job you really wanted and were well suited for, or was it just a way of getting out of your current stressful job ?

In my opinion (and I have many years of management under my belt), it's your boss who is being unprofessional and lacking in man-management skills. If he/she is not satisfied with your work, especially if this is a recent change, they should try helping you in some way - giving you someone to help you if you are over-worked, arrange training for you if it would be useful etc. If he/she has been disatisfied with you for the last 3 years then he should have tackled it sooner.

When you make your list of things to do, don't worry about prioritising them to start with, just get them down on paper in any order. Then you can prioritise them into 4 groups:

1. Urgent/short deadline and important (e.g. for a senior manager, to protect company income, to secure new business etc etc) Deal with this group yourself

2. A longer deadline but important (as defined above) Again deal with it yourself but get someone to do the leg-work and preparation while you finish off group 1.

3. Urgent but not "important", for example a colleague wants a rush job from you but you know they aren't under pressure - delegate and just check it over quickly before handing it on

4. Not urgent and not for someone important - bottom of the pile !

Nine times out of ten you will find that the bulk of your work is in categories 3 and 4 and TBH you can forget about them for a while so you can focus on 1 and then 2. Once you've got sorted like this, you can manage people chasing you for progress.

I developed very severe depression a few years ago from pressure of work and unfair senior management. It took me and GP ages to find the right combo of AD's. It might sound odd but I started having reflexology once a week and I was amazed how it made me feel better for at least one or two days, which at that time was a miracle.

Check if you live within reach of a branch of MIND the mental health charity. Many of their branches offer counselling which obviously would not go on your medical record, you could just give them your first name. They charge according to what you can afford, usually between £5 and £40 per one hour session.

I do feel for you, and because I'm such a bossy busy-body I wish I could sit at your desk with you and help you get sorted.

Please make sure you eat well, even if it's microwave dinners (as long as they are from Marks and Sparks and eaten with lots of fresh veg and fruit).

Sorry for the very long lecture, but I hope it will help somewhat.

Linda xxx

Domthemon

Hi Amalis. I am so sorry to hear of your problems. You are not alone.

I still have days like this, but I feel I am coming out of the tunnel, but never quite out of it. People have told me they wish I had what I have (job I love, a girlfriend after a long marriage and divorce, house, lovely dog, family, etc) but sometimes I can feel utterly low and tearful. I am a bloke, I guess people don't expect to hear that from a bloke. When I am low and down I often don't know why, cant explain it.

I went through a divorce a couple of years ago after 20 years of marriage, and this weekend my gf of 2 years moves in. I am hoping my energy will return and I can start to do the things I haven't.... the garden is a jungle and the house, although hoovered and dusted, is a bit neglected. I just don't have the energy.

Counselling is great, I had numerous sessions around the time of my divorce, it is valuable 'me' time where you can open up and start to look at things objectively. I can't speak highly enough of the benefits for me.

I've been through the crying at work (twice cried all over my boss, bless her she was so supportive), done the staying in bed all day, done the phoning in sick after a night lying awake worrying (only once, other times went to work after so little sleep that I was a liability I guess).....

You will get through this. Look for support, open up, keep coming back here. Keep on top of it, don't give up. You are not alone.

amalis

I really wanted that job and was perfect for it. I got a very good feedback and the reason I was unsuccessful is that because THEY decided that I would be more happy in bigger organisation. They ignored all my reasons why I want exactly this job. I was so shocked yesterday that cryed for 30 minutes at work. Good that I was alone at that mo.
I am trying to make an appointment with GP,but they are fully booked in October.
God, I feel that I started to hate my job and everything I am doing. I used to love it so much, but obviously hearing that I am not good at it is not helping for someone who is naturally not self confident.
Linda, thatn you for the "lecture". I welcome all advices about work because I already don't know how to make things better.
It feels like a snowball becoming bigger and bigger with problems and I already don't see the way out.

RacyRed

amalis wrote: »

I really wanted that job and was perfect for it. I got a very good feedback and the reason I was unsuccessful is that because THEY decided that I would be more happy in bigger organisation. They ignored all my reasons why I want exactly this job.

To me, that sounds like management speak for
"She is so damned good we wouldn't be able to keep her long term as a bigger organisation will steal her away"

As for the doctors, you need an urgent appointment, call back and tell them that.

xxx

scousekraut

Amalis and all the others throughout the post, I know and feel what you are going though.
I got my current job in January last year, after being made redundant from a company I had helped to set up; and moved half way across the country to take up the opportunity.
At first things were going well and my expertise was much appreciated.
Then backhanded redundancies were made throughout the company (it’s only a small firm with about 15 or so employees).
Anxiety about the quality of my work started to creep in...the workload increased...so I started bringing work home to try and keep up with things.
In the meantime my partner has been unable to find work and to be frank is not really fit enough to get a job (recurring kidney stones coupled with memory/anger management issues caused by a car accident nearly 20 years ago).
I needed to keep hold of the job...so put up with the long working hours and missed weekends without complaint.
In November last year, my partner’s father came to live with us, after escaping Mr Mugabe’s regime in Zimbabwe. This was meant to be a very temporary arrangement; however he is still with us, with no end in sight; and has many health issues of his own.
Things came to a head in May and I tendered my resignation...which apparently came a big surprise to my boss. He said he couldn’t afford to lose me and so offered a new contract to work ‘flexible’ part time hours. Three days per week, although I had to be in the office on Mondays, Thursdays and couldn’t have 2 days off in a row (so much for flexible)!!
Thinking of my financial situation, I agreed to this, but now regret it totally, as my self esteem and mental health is suffering.
Since accepting the reduced hours we have had a 20% pay cut and so financially things have become quite stressful at home. I understand that the CEO has had to sell some shares and put his holiday apartment in Dubai up for sale!!!
I don’t know where the downturn in business has hit the company, as my workload hasn’t reduced any. I am still working 7am-7pm on the days that I am in the office and bringing work home to keep up.
I just can’t cope anymore and have now seriously screwed up.
We have a client who had been refused a planning application; and undertook to assist him with a new application.
Anyway, to try to cut the story down a bit, we undertook the initial work but found that more work needed to be carried out. This was done and the authorities required even more work to be carried out. As the client had already balked at the fees involved; I undertook to do the extra work in my spare time (days off), as I felt sorry for him.
I also needed some specialist software and as the company was/is undergoing financial problems at the moment felt that I couldn’t make a request to my boss to buy it.
So stupidly I spent £1200 of my own savings to purchase the software so that I could undertake the extra work in my spare time. I did most of the work but did not send the data into the planning authority on time...even though I told the client that I did...and now his planning application has been refused again.
At the time I thought that I would get it all done...but I feel anxious and have no energy ; and my anxiety means that I do not get much sleep. So the work got left until it got to a stage where fear made me stay up all night one day last week to get it all finished.
The client is coming into the office tomorrow for a meeting with myself and my boss (although its my day off) and I am sure to be sacked for incompetence.
I feel so guilty...things have turned out so badly...and I really don’t know how to cope.
In desperation I left a letter of resignation on my boss’s desk at 8pm this evening as I was leaving for the day.

RacyRed

Ohhh scousekraut (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

I know that some folk will think/call you crazy for spending your own money on the software and working in your own time, but I totally understand the sorts of circumstances that can lead to this happening in the highly competitive and stressfull hell that private sector employment has become.

My thoughts are with you.

ERICS_MUM

RacyRed wrote: »

Ohhh scousekraut (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

I know that some folk will think/call you crazy for spending your own money on the software and working in your own time, but I totally understand the sorts of circumstances that can lead to this happening in the highly competitive and stressfull hell that private sector employment has become.

My thoughts are with you.

Exactly so. I found myself getting up earlier and earlier for my 90 min commute into the City, until my alarm clock was going off at 4.30am and I was leaving the office at 11 pm :eek:. Eating a sandwich and bag of crisps for lunch as I dashed halfway across London for meetings after meetings. Being held in meetings by senior managers until 7pm and then driving up to Leeds to run a training course the next morning.

It's done for me - after 5 years of long-term sick leave my company have pensioned me off at 54 on medical grounds. I'm fit for nothing now, don't think i will ever be able to work again. I have no attention span, can't bear to be rushed or have any sort of routine. By 3pm every day I get overwhelmed by all the stuff I have to do - laundry, gardening etc so I have a nap for 2 hours.

I have no solutions only empathy and sympathy. As some frenchman said "hell is other people". Boy was he right.

nm123_2

Hello Amalis,

I'm going to go against the grain here - I think "you time" works for some people, but not others...

I think I suffer from bouts of mild depression and I find the best thing really is to go and be sociable. Going to see some friends or do something that isn't about ME tends to really help.

I work from home a fair bit and find it really hard to have a structured productive day, and then beat myself up about it which makes me feel worse. I used to think that taking time out to go to the gym or for a run or swim would help, but that additional time in my own head just for some reason made me feel worse. I enjoy spending time on my own, but sometimes I know it just gets me all in a pickle.

Although I may feel really unsociable and dread seeing other people, I know that it helps me feel better and distracts me from me. I used to worry that I'd burst into tears if someone asked how I was during one of these bouts, but I actually find spending time with other people takes the focus away from ME and onto something else. Helps to put things into perspective.

Could you try that? Do you have some friends who you could just go and see, perhaps pop for a coffee? Someone with a baby would be good as they'll be so engrossed in their child that the focus won't be on you at all and you might be able to switch off for a bit.

Sometimes having a good old cry and going to bed early helps too. But try (as hard as it is) to get up and out the next day.

There's some really good advice on here.. I hope you find some of it useful. Keep us posted on how things go.

What are you doing this weekend? Could you plan something nice?

scousekraut

Thanks for your kind words RacyRed & Erics Mum, they have brought me to tears again!!!
I managed to pluck up the courage to telephone the client this morning, to ask if he would reschedule his meeting for Monday morning.
However before I did this I have sent my boss an email, in an attempt to provide some details over what went wrong, and mentioned that I would understand if they wanted to terminate with immediate effect.
I feel sooooo guilty...depressed and useless.