Help please

northernrocknufc

January20 wrote: »

This is very bizarre (his attitude I mean) and very complicated. One question though: Where are your wages paid? Can he have access to those or not?

What about Shelter? I don't know if they are open this weekend but you could give them a call and see if they can give you some advice. http://england.shelter.org.uk/

ETA: make sure you keep a copy of all the messages he sends you - you may need them as proof in future for instance him claiming he never worked but was on benefits.

My wages and child benefit are paid into my own bank account. He never had access to my money i just handed money over towards the bills.

I have emailed shelter and they have replied saying that because the tenancy is in his name he has the right to terminate his contract with them anytime he likes if we are living in the property or not.

belfastgirl23

Well no more advice to add exactly except to say that he sounds like a walter mitty type character and I don't think you should be overly worried by any threats he might make. If he's lied to you his entire life what are the odds he's lying to you now? I think you should just very calmly say you'll be taking advice from the relevent bodies and will get back to him when you're in a position where you have full knowledge of all of the facts. And leave it at that. Your head is understandably in a bit of a spin at the minute so the best thing you can do is call to the housing association tomorrow to let them know the situation, then the car people, then make the solicitors appointment. I think you need to be totally honest with all of them just to cover your back in case he has been up to no good with his benefits.

January20

northernrocknufc wrote: »

My wages and child benefit are paid into my own bank account. He never had access to my money i just handed money over towards the bills.

I have emailed shelter and they have replied saying that because the tenancy is in his name he has the right to terminate his contract with them anytime he likes if we are living in the property or not.

Well, that's a relief about your wages and your child benefit.

So he has a right to terminate the contract with the housing association, but he would have to give notice. Do you have any idea what the notice would be? Do you think he may have given notice 4 weeks ago when he left you?

Do you have anybody you could stay with until you can get a home of your own? Could you stay with your father? other family or friends?

January20

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Well no more advice to add exactly except to say that he sounds like a walter mitty type character and I don't think you should be overly worried by any threats he might make. If he's lied to you his entire life what are the odds he's lying to you now? I think you should just very calmly say you'll be taking advice from the relevent bodies and will get back to him when you're in a position where you have full knowledge of all of the facts. And leave it at that. Your head is understandably in a bit of a spin at the minute so the best thing you can do is call to the housing association tomorrow to let them know the situation, then the car people, then make the solicitors appointment. I think you need to be totally honest with all of them just to cover your back in case he has been up to no good with his benefits.

Great advice but tomorrow is a bank holiday so most places will be closed. I think he asked her to be out by Tuesday because he knows very well she can't contact any of the relevant authorities this weekend and he is hoping she will panick and leave.

northernrocknufc

January20 wrote: »

Well, that's a relief about your wages and your child benefit.

So he has a right to terminate the contract with the housing association, but he would have to give notice. Do you have any idea what the notice would be? Do you think he may have given notice 4 weeks ago when he left you?

Do you have anybody you could stay with until you can get a home of your own? Could you stay with your father? other family or friends?

I have no where to go. The only family i have is my dad who lives in a 1 bedroom flat for over 35s.

I have sent an email to the housing association asking if i could see a housing officer ASAP or even a phone call on Tuesday to see where i stand.

I cant believe how well i had coped with the break up and 1 little knock back has got me falling to bits.

Crisp_£_note

northernrocknufc wrote: »

The passed 11 years of my life has been a complete lie and now i need some help.

My partner of 11 years have left me and our daughter 4 weeks ago and moved in with someone else. Although this came has a huge shock and its been hard ive managed to carry on with things the best way i can.

After having no contact with him from the day he left i was shocked to see a message left from him on my MSN.

According to him he has never worked the whole time we lived together and he is on incapicity benefit receiving housing and council tax benefit. How would i not know?.

northernrocknufc wrote: »

Our daughter is 8 years old.

He controlled everything financially. I handed the money over and he paid all the bills. I did see bank statements and credit card statements come through the post but he was a self employed paint and decorator so there was always money coming in and out of his bank account but all the other bills were either pre pay cards or direct debits.

On a morning we would drop daughter of at breakfast club, he would drop me off at work then i thought he was off to work. He would collect daughter from after school club then pick me up from work.

Confused was he unemployed and in receipt of IB or was he fit for Self Employment as a painter & decorator?

What is he claiming IB for? Although you can still work and claim IB depending on what you do and how bad your condition is.

Thats one long lie to live 11 years in the way you describe and not know somewhere along the line something is suspicious.

With reguard to the Housing and Council Tax Benefit, if he has only named himself and your daughter on the Tennancy then they wouldnt suspect when he applied for these as he completes the form as a single person / parent. All made easier of course as you were funding him in cash so theres no trace for him as to where the cash came from, unless he gave you a receipt for the bills paid or his statements show this if its by DD but again theres no proof that you actualy paid these bills on his behalf. How is he coping now (assuming you have stopped paying them for him?) Basicaly there are no financial track records of you living anywhere the past 11 years as you paid cash and he has the statements to show he paid the funds.

Im sorry to hear about all this, stay strong and I hope you get something sorted this week.

jackieglasgow

Well you sound well rid of him. Don't panic, it sounds like he is just being a bad b*****d and wants to upset you even more than he has. If he's been working as a self employed painter and decorator he could quite easily have been claiming benefits too and not declaring to the tax man, his earnings. Once you get yourself sorted out, I would contact the taxman and DSS or whatever they call themselves these days, and report him for benefit fraud and tax evasion. But obviously that's for you to think about once you and your daughter are sorted. Do you not remember signing any tennancy agreement when you moved in? You would have had to do this to become equally liable for the rent etc., and if he had been claiming housing benefit etc., he would have had to give them proof of your earnings and so on. Don't panic till you know you need to. Good luck X

northernrocknufc

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Well you sound well rid of him. Don't panic, it sounds like he is just being a bad b*****d and wants to upset you even more than he has. If he's been working as a self employed painter and decorator he could quite easily have been claiming benefits too and not declaring to the tax man, his earnings. Once you get yourself sorted out, I would contact the taxman and DSS or whatever they call themselves these days, and report him for benefit fraud and tax evasion. But obviously that's for you to think about once you and your daughter are sorted. Do you not remember signing any tennancy agreement when you moved in? You would have had to do this to become equally liable for the rent etc., and if he had been claiming housing benefit etc., he would have had to give them proof of your earnings and so on. Don't panic till you know you need to. Good luck X

When they interview him and viewed our old house i was at work and didnt think anything of it. Same with the tenancy agreement. They phoned him to go to the office to sign and i was at work again.

If this is correct can i remove his name and add my name onto the tenancy agreement or do i have to apply to be housed again?

jackieglasgow

It will depend on their own policy, but I would think they will look favourably upon you, as you have a dependant child. Make sure you take any proof you have for you living there all this time, it may help. Old bank statements, and old utility bills, letters from your employer.

gratefulforhelp_2

You need a solicitor or CAB. You also need to apply for council tax discount until you move and think about going to the CSA for child support. May be only a fiver a week - but maybe that's why he told you he was on benefits, so you would think it wasn't worth going to CSA.

Also keep any messages about him wanting you out of the house asap. It will make him look a prat when it comes to arranging contact for your daughter.

Hugs.