Is this miserly or just moneysaving?

Charlies_Mummy

Dave101t wrote: »

if he is the bread winner, they what he says goes. but if you have your own money, why not just buy it anyway? if i had my way id never buy anything in my household unless it was absolutely necessary.

I cannot believe I'm reading this! "if he is the bread winner then what he says goes"? We're not living in the 1950s anymore! The OP and her husband are a partnership, she is looking after their child whilst her husband goes to work. I hardly think it's fair that her husband should be allowed to make all the financial decisions and she has no say.

savingmummy

MrsE wrote: »

So glad you didn't take that the wrong way.

For me the financial sacrifice of being a SAHM wasn't worth it, but each to our own.
RE Xmas, so long as you get your kids who cares;) We only buy for DD & our parents now, I haven't the time or energy to run around buying people things they don't want, putting pressure on them to buy a return gift. I will buy something small for my team, but just chocs or something (something useful at Xmas like Bendicks or something).

I never take things to heart, everyone has opinions and have a right to air their views.

My thought exactly, as long as my children are well cared for and financial ok i dont care about anyone else ]
I would of loved my hair done this week but we just splashed out on DD`s first school uniform instead Sooooo much more rewarding for me to see my baby all grown up and smart!

Reading through this thread got me thinking tbh, it seems most women who are sahm`s have some luxeries! I have spoken to my DH and he is going to sit down and arrange for me to have some pocket money each month for `me`.

Just to add i only posted my `rough` life to show the OP she isnt alone in not having anything BUT if her DH is financially well then yes he is being a tad tight!! AND bras are essential and do need regular changing to prevent damage to breast/lymphnode tissues.

coolcait

Lalaladybird wrote: »

I called my OH a miser before he went off to work this morning...poor man

Things I have asked for that he has said no to in the last wee while....

A bed rail for our toddlers new bed. In her lifetime we have moved house twice and introduced a new sibling and nothing has upset her more than moving from her cot to a bed. She loves her bed but instead of falling asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow at 7pm as she has always done she is running about til 10pm in her room. Then she'll roll out of bed or just cry during the night. I wanted to get her a bed rail not only to keep her from falling out but to make her feel more secure. OH put a footstool beside her bed and said..."that works and they didn't have bed guards 50 years ago"

A radio/cd player for the kitchen. We don't have one so I can't listen to the radio or play a cd while I am at home with the kids. Its tv or silence! He said I'll have to wait til Christmas.

Cans of fizzy drink in the weekly big shop....he said we can get squash!

He discourages me from driving more than a 5 mile radius from our house to save money on petrol.

I go about in cheap clothes. I have one pair of shoes that now have holes in. I'm still wearing my maternity bras. I only get my hair cut about 3 times a year and I always try to get my friends to visit me at home to save on buying lunch/coffee out. Yet he always calls me a spender We only spend about £80 a week on groceries that includes baby milk and nappies but he moans about that.

In his defence we are living on one income plus tax credits because I'm at home with our 2 kids under 3. He says as long as I keep spending on "silly things" we'll never get a holiday. He's a great OH and dad and I love him to bits. I just think he's really tight!

Does he sound tight to you or just sensible with money and looking at the bigger picture????

OP, I think I have to ask you to clarify a couple of things, because I seem to have read your post differently from other people.

I understood that your DH had said no to some specific things: bed rail for your toddler's bed; radio/CD player for the kitchen (you'll have to wait till Christmas); cans of fizzy drink in the big shop (but you could have squash if you wanted).

In addition, he 'discourages' you from driving more than a five mile radius from the house. Can you explain this in a bit more detail? It doesn't sound like an outright 'no', but it still sounds a bit odd.

You also tell us that you wear cheap clothes; only have one pair of shoes, with holes in them; are still wearing your maternity bras; only get your haircut three times a year; and encourage your friends to visit you at home, to save on buying lunch/coffee out.

I didn't read that bit as being things which your OH had said 'no' to. I read it as you explaining how frugal you are, yet still your OH calls you 'a spender'.

Have you ever actually mentioned to your OH that you need new shoes and bras? If you haven't mentioned those - very real - needs, but are going on about wants, then I can see where he might be coming from.

If you have mentioned that you needs new shoes and bras, and he has said 'no', then that would change my view.

As for the specific things he has said 'no' to, I would agree with him.

Our household doesn't buy cans of fizzy drink as a rule. We buy squash, which feeds our sugar cravings at a far lower cost. If we ever do indulge our fizzy drink habit, we buy 2 litres bottles on special offer, and when they're gone, they're gone.

You haven't been banned outright from having a radio/CD player in the kitchen. Just asked to wait till Chirstmas. In any case, it's a 'want'. Something it would be nice to have, but no more vital than that. And, with the tips you've been given on this thread, you might be able to get hold of one for free before Christmas.

I also agree with your DH about the bedrails, and with the poster who said that your toddler doesn't need rails, she needs a routine.

You give three reasons for wanting to get the bed rails, the first is that she is running about her room till 10 pm. That's about discipline and routine, not bed rails.

The second reason is that "she'll roll out of the bed or...". So, how often does she actually roll out of bed? And why can't that problem be resolved by making her a soft landing place, as others have suggested? (I agree that DH's footstool idea isn't the best solution, but I also agree with his view that bed guards are a fairly new-fangled invention).

The third reason is that she'll cry during the night. Again, that's a matter of routine and discipline rather than bed rails.

I've seen other posters hint that there is more to your story than what you have posted here. I'm answering the points you've raised in this post, and - based on that - I would say that your DH is being moneysaving.

Gemmy_2

Get a soda stream for fizzy drinks and fizz up that squash!

I would of thought you could also get a soda stream, clothes, shoes, a bed rail and a radio on freecycle within the 5 mile radius?

Money_maker

Charlies_Mummy wrote: »

Money_maker wrote: »

Why on earth do you need fizzy drinks - certainly hope your toddler has not been introduced to them.

What a horrible thing to say. The OP was asking for advice and support about how her DH treats her, not for others to make assumptions and judgements about how she parents her child.

Each to their own CM, I can see you've been through a rough time yourself. I disagree that I dont think her OH is controlling to the extent that you've had to endure but I do feel that time spent together talking would be time well spent.

I also added a useful post about bedguards as it was on my 'to do' list and had been actively seeking out deals.

Charlies_Mummy

Money_maker wrote: »

Charlies_Mummy wrote: »

Each to their own CM, I can see you've been through a rough time yourself. I disagree that I dont think her OH is controlling to the extent that you've had to endure but I do feel that time spent together talking would be time well spent.

I also added a useful post about bedguards as it was on my 'to do' list and had been actively seeking out deals.

Hmmmmm, I still fail to see how you saying you hope her child hasn't been given fizzy drinks is relevant to the OP's problem; seemed to me like a bit of a superior, judgemental thing to say. If you can't say something nice don't say anything and all that....

Just_Plain_Jane

Charlies_Mummy wrote: »

Money_maker wrote: »

Hmmmmm, I still fail to see how you saying you hope her child hasn't been given fizzy drinks is relevant to the OP's problem

Sorry, but I fail to see how going on about it is helpful either.

Charlies_Mummy

Just_Plain_Jane wrote: »

Charlies_Mummy wrote: »

Sorry, but I fail to see how going on about it is helpful either.

Okay Plain Jane, well fair enough if that's your opinion. Perhaps you would like to offer something a little more constructive than that to this thread though?

jackieglasgow

My, we have got some nippy knickers in here this morning! :rotfl:

aliasojo

There must be something in the air today, I've just seen another thread where someone posted purely to have a dig. :rotfl:

*nippy knickers* < :rotfl: