Is this miserly or just moneysaving?

Mojisola

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

I am concerned that you have "asked" for shoes, bed rail etc. Surely you shouldn't be "asking" anyone for these basics?

This is the bit that I think needs addressing. No healthy relationship has one partner controlling the flow of money like this. Many children have more freedom with their money than the OP.

Newly_retired

Do you not have access to the Child Benefit and Tax credits money at least, without asking? If so, then surely you can budget using this and the housekeeping money so that you can buy shoes, bra, or other essentials without asking. Though when I was in a similar position, many years ago, before the days of Tax Credits, I did need to say to OH ( not really ask )if i needed extra money for something. He was not a mind reader, and sometimes we just couldn't afford it and had to wait till next month. If you are both working together on the family budget there should be money available for shoes and clothes when needed, or even some treats. But if you have made a joint decision to save for a holiday then you have to make some sacrifices.

shelley_crow

Dave101t wrote: »

if he is the bread winner, they what he says goes. but if you have your own money, why not just buy it anyway? if i had my way id never buy anything in my household unless it was absolutely necessary.

Good god, I was under the impression that this type of thinking had gone out in the mid 1900s!

Op is contributing by taking care of the children/house. If OP's husband is going to be petty, I'd find out the hourly going rate for childcare x 24 hours a day x amount of children and present him with a bill backdated to the point she became a SAHM. I can guarantee that would open his eyes!

I was the "bread winner" for a time while my DP was a stay at home dad and I would never dream of demeaning him by imposing "what I say goes" on him. I was brought up to be more considerate and fair than that.

Equally, I wouldn't stand being treated in such a way, it implies a certain lack of respect that no-one should have to put up with in this day and age.

LilacPixie

I think he sounds like a tight git TBH. The cd player/radio I agree with if money is tight. Toddler bed side is IMO essential and at less than £30 I think should be a priorty. £80 shopping for a family of 5 including nappies and formula sounds about right to me. Shoes and decent bras are essential and don't need to cost a fortune supermarket undies etc.

The driving no more than 5 miles I am in 2 minds about. Petrol is expensive but i am uncomfortable with the phrasing that you are not 'allowed' to.

At one point OH was a SAHD and i wuld nt dream of limiting how far he drove or what he did. If my OH dared say something similar to me I would probably be tempted to drive arund and around a 1 mile loop and empty all the fuel from his car

kegg_2

If he can spend money on concert tickets then they cant be that skint that the budget wont stretch to a few cans of pepsi a week. Poundland sells 3 tins for £1 and i would file for divorce before i would let a man tell me i am not allowed spend £2 a week on a few tins of pop.

tiamai_d

If you are saving quite a bit at the end of the month, then I think you can get some fizzy juice!

The bedrail, bras and shoes are must haves.

shazrobo

why does everyone think bedrails are essential, my twin boys are 15 now, but when they were little, they didnt have bedrails, i put quilts and pillows on the floor at the side of their bed in case they fell out
as for wearing holey shoes, and ill fitting bra's, i wouldnt ask if i could buy them, i would go out and but them anyway, if he can go to concerts, why cant you have decent bra and shoes
fizzy pop is not an essential, and cordial or plain water is better for your teeth
whats wrong with waiting til xmas, for a non essential item like a decent cd player, or getting an older one from freecycle

toontron

I think he is a miserable old miser. Wait until Xmas Eve, you can enjoy the sight of him being visited by three ghosts in the night!

savingmummy

Depends on how finacially well you are, maybe he is just careful!

I am a sahm and have no money at all my fault for not choosing to return to work, DH dont give me money as all his money is accounted for on bills.
I dont have any new clothing cant remember the last time i bought something probably 5 years ago now, i get my hair done once a year using birthday money from my parents.
I own one pair of shoes bought by mum a couple of months ago, no make up or anything fancy ie, jewellery, bags, mobile. I have learnt to live without now.
DH does the foodshop and we have no luxeries at all included in that just a strict meal planner list which he sticks too.
We dont have holidays either as we cant afford it....:rotfl:

Saying all of the above DH has nothing either, no new clothing, no luxeries and goes without because we have no extra cash.


I know if my hubby had extra money i could have these extras but he just hasnt so i live with it.

Money_maker

Back to the bedrail, post on grabbit says Asda may have some cheap ones (provided its within 5 miles of you!). You may convince him its a bargain. I will be checking out my local branch tomorrow.