Is this miserly or just moneysaving?

Mojisola

savingmummy wrote: »

Depends on how finacially well you are, maybe he is just careful!

I am a sahm and have no money at all my fault for not choosing to return to work, DH dont give me money as all his money is accounted for on bills.
I dont have any new clothing cant remember the last time i bought something probably 5 years ago now, i get my hair done once a year using birthday money from my parents.
I own one pair of shoes bought by mum a couple of months ago, no make up or anything fancy ie, jewellery, bags, mobile. I have learnt to live without now.
DH does the foodshop and we have no luxeries at all included in that just a strict meal planner list which he sticks too.
We dont have holidays either as we cant afford it....:rotfl:

Saying all of the above DH has nothing either, no new clothing, no luxeries and goes without because we have no extra cash.

I know if my hubby had extra money i could have these extras but he just hasnt so i live with it.

This is a different situation - it sounds as if you work together to cope with a very tight financial situation. The OP and her OH do have some spare money and when he wants to spend out on something he then allows her to spend the same amount. At other times, if she wants to buy something, she can't.

ailuro2

No one should have to rely on a parent buying them shoes in this day and age, tax credits should top you up enough to be able to buy essentials - yes bills such as heating and shopping need to be covered, but so do the essentials like shoes and clothes.

I'm very sad, and a little bit angry for each of the ladies who say they are not allowed either of these basics.:mad:

MrsE_2

savingmummy wrote: »

Depends on how finacially well you are, maybe he is just careful!

I am a sahm and have no money at all my fault for not choosing to return to work, DH dont give me money as all his money is accounted for on bills.
I dont have any new clothing cant remember the last time i bought something probably 5 years ago now, i get my hair done once a year using birthday money from my parents.
I own one pair of shoes bought by mum a couple of months ago, no make up or anything fancy ie, jewellery, bags, mobile. I have learnt to live without now.
DH does the foodshop and we have no luxeries at all included in that just a strict meal planner list which he sticks too.
We dont have holidays either as we cant afford it....:rotfl:

Saying all of the above DH has nothing either, no new clothing, no luxeries and goes without because we have no extra cash.


I know if my hubby had extra money i could have these extras but he just hasnt so i live with it.

Is being a SAHM worth those financial sacrifices?
Not being funny, just interested in a different POV.
Living like that would make me so miserable that I was better off being a working mum, but we do all have different values.

Do you have Christmas?
Don't you feel hard done by (I would:o, I would feel very sorry for myself:o)?

FATBALLZ

thistledome wrote: »

If he suddenly became tight when you stopped working and became a SAHM, then that would ring alarm bells for me.

Why... would it not seem sensible that if a household loses up to half its income it makes some cutbacks?

We can't tell the OP if her husband is tight or not, it really depends on the figures. If he is denying you the odd can of coke but you have 50p of spare cash a month, then that is probably fair and he is stopping you from living beyond your means. If you have £500 of spare cash a month then he probably is tight.

Oldernotwiser

Having moved recently, had a baby and having major work done on the house, all sound like good reasons to me to be pretty frugal at the moment.

Although I don't like the idea of "allowing" someone to spend money, it does sound as if the OP is being a bit unco -operative in keeping costs down and perhaps this seems to the husband to be the only way to keep the finances under control.

As the £80 per week housekeeping seems more than generous, I would have a couple of weeks where I shopped really frugally and just put a bra in with the shopping and a pair of shoes a couple of weeks later.

savingmummy

MrsE wrote: »

Is being a SAHM worth those financial sacrifices?
Not being funny, just interested in a different POV.
Living like that would make me so miserable that I was better off being a working mum, but we do all have different values.

Do you have Christmas?
Don't you feel hard done by (I would:o, I would feel very sorry for myself:o)?

Very true point! I do betterware and ironing so not lazy or expecting to be kept, but that money goes towards our outgoings too.
Childcare is my issue, i wouldnt feel comfortable having a child minder (silly i know) and paying for nursery 9-6 would take my normal monthly wage in one gulp!

We have xmas but not a huge xmas, we dont buy presents for anyone other then our two children. We do the whole tree and decs albeit the same ones we`ve had for 11yrs.
I dont feel sorry for myself at all, im happy just not got nice things to show off!!:rotfl:

MrsE_2

savingmummy wrote: »

Very true point! I do betterware and ironing so not lazy or expecting to be kept, but that money goes towards our outgoings too.
Childcare is my issue, i wouldnt feel comfortable having a child minder (silly i know) and paying for nursery 9-6 would take my normal monthly wage in one gulp!

We have xmas but not a huge xmas, we dont buy presents for anyone other then our two children. We do the whole tree and decs albeit the same ones we`ve had for 11yrs.
I dont feel sorry for myself at all, im happy just not got nice things to show off!!:rotfl:

So glad you didn't take that the wrong way.

For me the financial sacrifice of being a SAHM wasn't worth it, but each to our own.
RE Xmas, so long as you get your kids who cares;) We only buy for DD & our parents now, I haven't the time or energy to run around buying people things they don't want, putting pressure on them to buy a return gift. I will buy something small for my team, but just chocs or something (something useful at Xmas like Bendicks or something).

aliasojo

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Although I don't like the idea of "allowing" someone to spend money, it does sound as if the OP is being a bit unco -operative in keeping costs down and perhaps this seems to the husband to be the only way to keep the finances under control.

Not sure that's either fair or accurate ONW. The OP has concerns about the situation and has cited a few examples to show what she means. I don't really think you can take from that, that she is being a bit unco-operative.

I'm not convinced the finances are that tight that basics such as a bra or shoes or even little extras couldn't be accommodated. If the husband can find the cash for concert ticket AND 'tell' the OP she can have the equivalent amount for herself to spend, then I'm wondering if only part of this is about being sensible with money and the rest is simply because he's only accepting of money being spent on things he deems important.

lilac_lady

It seems like a form of control unless the OP and her OH sit down each month and go over their "accounts" together - nothing hidden financially. If she can see that there's NO spare money then they need to discuss how to prioritise their needs. Replacing an ancient bra and shoes with holes are needs, not wants.

BitterAndTwisted

Why all this talk about acquiring bedrails from Freecycle or ebay when the adorable Peachyprice offered to send the OP one of hers on page 1?

Getting one free from a very generous stranger on the internet might prompt hubby into acknowledging that he's been tight and unreasonable. If that is what he really is, of course.

peachyprice wrote: »

I have two spare bedrails I will happliy send you, PM me if you want them. They're the Ikea ones, in wood rather than white.
http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/30099293