Is this miserly or just moneysaving?

PasturesNew

MrsE wrote: »

Your posts never cease to amaze me, you are the most frugle person ever. I bet you have a fortune stashed away;)

Well, yes and no.

No because I had to live like that as I never had much money coming in and was often 'between jobs' so never knew what tomorrow would bring - and the cost of living alone really takes up everything. I've learnt over the years to do without - and until I came to MSE I had no idea that others had so much, so it's been a real eye opener.

Yes, I do, but only because I sold a house, not from any actual 'savings'.

Lalaladybird

He is a bit controlling but I'm not intimidated by him and I do have a rant when I feel it's required and he does listen to me.

A couple of my friends are in relationships where their OHs are big spenders and one friend has said they're now so badly in debt they're past caring :eek: I'd rather have it this way where I don't have to worry about the money at all.

It just got to the stage where I was confused whether a rant would be justified or if he is genuinely looking at the bigger picture and I was lost in the smaller daily wants.

Lalaladybird

Flower08 wrote: »

Have a look on ebay for bed rails, I just did a quick search within a 5 mile radius of my house and several came up at under £5.00, no P&P either because you can collect it.

That's a great idea thanks, I didn't know you could do that:T

Googlewhacker

Lalaladybird wrote: »

He is a bit controlling but I'm not intimidated by him and I do have a rant when I feel it's required and he does listen to me.

A couple of my friends are in relationships where their OHs are big spenders and one friend has said they're now so badly in debt they're past caring :eek: I'd rather have it this way where I don't have to worry about the money at all.

It just got to the stage where I was confused whether a rant would be justified or if he is genuinely looking at the bigger picture and I was lost in the smaller daily wants.

To be fair I don't think he is to far wrong but I think you need to put your foot down a little more on the important things (from other peoples posts this would be the thing for the bed...whatever that is?)

ecgirl07

PasturesNew wrote: »

Well, yes and no.

No because I had to live like that as I never had much money coming in and was often 'between jobs' so never knew what tomorrow would bring - and the cost of living alone really takes up everything. I've learnt over the years to do without - and until I came to MSE I had no idea that others had so much, so it's been a real eye opener.

Yes, I do, but only because I sold a house, not from any actual 'savings'.

ive lived the single life on one income but you gotta live a little too. Going for a cheap pub lunch for £5 on payday isnt a luxury its sanity. There has to be a balance between saving and spending or else what is the point in working?

ailuro2

Tell him he doesn't need the squash either plain water is the best drink you can have.

Get yourself down to TKMaxx for a pair of decent cut-price shoes. It is the year 2010, everyone should have at least one pair of shoes that don't have holes in them.

The bed rail isn't a necessity as you can put a doubled up quilt / old pillows on the floor. you need to get your little one into bed and make it a good place to be - so reading her a story and staying with her while she settles down.

If money is very tight then maybe you could work a couple of evenings a week in a supermarket to supplement the family income?

Also recheck any supplements you might qualify for on https://www.entitledto.co.uk

I agree with freecycle for a CD player, though what are you going to play on the thing if you're not allowed to spend money on a CD?;) Are there no music channels available to you on your TV?

p.s. has your husband thought about getting rid of the TV, it's well over a hundred quid a year for a TV licence, surely he sees that as a luxury too? Suggest it to him and see what he says - if he says it's a great idea you'll know he's gone too far.

Buttonmoons

I'm a bit gobsmacked at the OP's husband. Surely there is some spare money for some decent shoes and bras? A can of diet coke now and then? Holidays aren't essential but I think knowing your daughter is safe in her bed, that you have proper footwear and a bra that fits is more important.

I used DD's old cot mattress as a make do until I got around to getting her a bed rail (which I never did as she only ever fell out once) I popped it underneath her bed and at bedtimes pulled it out, so if she rolled off, she'd land on the mattress. The one time she fell out she carried on sleeping on the mattress below her :rotfl:

thistledome

OP, has he always been this careful with money, even when you first met? If he suddenly became tight when you stopped working and became a SAHM, then that would ring alarm bells for me.

Also, as others have already said, if he's earning great money and salting loads away like a miser, that's completely different to if he's earning low wages and struggling to pay the bills.

I agree with most of the posters on here, the shoes and bed-rail should be bought (cheaply as poss.!). The diet pop and radio are wastes of money if you're a bit skint IMO.

Having said all that, if his behaviour is making you unhappy and he knows you're unhappy but doesn't care, that's a bigger problem than holey shoes.

andrealm

Lalaladybird wrote: »

He doesn't spend anything on himself and if he does he balances it. Eg months ago he really wanted tickets to see a concert so he said I could buy something for the same value for myself. He's not mean to me just really watches the pennies.

If he can spend money on concert tickets for himself, but not spend it on a bed rail when your little girl is rolling out of bed, he has his priorities all wrong imo. I bet he wouldn't walk around in holey shoes himself.

There is a difference between watching the pennies and cutting back on non-essentials like fizzy drinks and going out for coffee, and denying you essentials like a decent pair of shoes.

Ex-Spendaholic

Couple of things spring to mind:

Is he struggling to run the family finances on the one income plus tax credit? Does he just not want to admit this so tries to make cuts instead? If this is the case then maybe you should consider generating some sort of income too.

Is there any possibility that he has debts he is trying to pay off?

I am concerned that you have "asked" for shoes, bed rail etc. Surely you shouldn't be "asking" anyone for these basics?

I hope you get things sorted.