Mum wants to wear my wedding dress

ailuro2

Mookie, you need to book her a slot on 30 yhears younger, she's obviously desperate to copy you.;)

I'm glad you've talked her into getting something of her own instead of having a carbon copy of your own wedding.

Imititation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but when it comes to weddings, she needs to get her own!:D

SugarSpun

lynnemcf wrote: »

This thread makes me wonder what kind of people contribute to discussions, to encourage the OP to LIE to her MOTHER ...

The kind of people who understand that sometimes the truth is needlessly painful?

"You'll look like mutton dressed as lamb in a dress with enough room to park the groom in the gaping bodice, and in any case I don't want it tarnished by this wedding I don't altogether approve of," is the truth; would you want to hear that? And how do you think the OP's relationship with her mother would fare after that?

mookiandco wrote: »

I also didnt want to mention that my mum not only wants my bouquet, tiara, dress and veil, she is also having the same registrar (who is having to travel quite a way to do it), the same service (which I gave to her ) and the same chuppah (jewish wedding canopy which you stand under and say your vows) which was made especially for me.

It sounds like your mum wants the good luck associated with your wedding to rub off on her, and from the sounds of it I can't blame her. I think you've already gone above and beyond the call of duty without letting her have the dress as well, and I'm glad the discussion was pleasant and that you managed to keep the dress for MiniMookie.

isy1011

:rotfl:I couldnt think of anything worse than my mum wearing my wedding dress but then I got married in a pink bikini and sarong on the beach and my mum is 85!:rotfl:

mandragora_2

mookiandco wrote: »

.she is also having the same registrar (who is having to travel quite a way to do it), the same service (which I gave to her ) and the same chuppah (jewish wedding canopy which you stand under and say your vows) which was made especially for me.

I probably should have mentioned all of that before but I just wanted views about the dress so nothing else could cloud anyone's judgement because I was having trouble being objective about it all!

I really appreciate all the comments here, it gave me alot of food for thought!

Thanks for the update. What a lovely compliment - your mum obviously was bowled over by how lovely your ceremony was, and the fantastic registrar you found, and can think of nothing nicer for herself. Be flattered, enjoy the day, and the fact that your mum is so keen to share and be close with you. The mother-daughter relationship is a special and precious one, especially at times like this. She's been through the mill, and I'm sure you're a really important part of her life, as this all shows.

margaretclare

ceridwen wrote: »

My gosh - your mother is pushing her luck all round then isn't she? I know nothing about the Jewish religion - but I would imagine that both the service and the chuppah are also things that feel "special to you". With this being your mothers 4th wedding at that - then I really do urge you to put your foot down and tell her straight "Stop trying to lead MY life - I'll lead my life and you lead YOURS."

It could be taken as an odd sort of compliment that she seems to prefer your life to her own - but it feels odd to me....

Mention of the registrar and then the Jewish ceremony with the chuppah is a bit puzzling to me.

I have Jewish relatives by marriage although DH is now a Christian like me. I didn't think you could have a religious wedding after all those divorces, unless Jews view it differently? I do know that Jews have to have a religious divorce, called a get, as well as the civil one.

I wanted to be married in the Church of England and they were OK about me being a widow, but not to marry DH, who was twice-divorced and not (then) baptised. So we got married in the Methodist Church, where we still worship.

About having an individual wedding dress made, yes, I would have suggested that. For me, there was nothing in the bridal shops except gowns for a younger bride or 'mother-of-the-bride' type outfits etc. I even got insulting comments like 'it doesn't really matter what you wear, anything will do' the inference being 'at your age....' I took strong exception to this kind of thinking. I bought top-quality silk velvet (as it was January) and had a very simple plain long dress in moss-green made for me. It swished beautifully as I walked up the aisle and DH did a double-take as I walked towards him.

Any wedding, whether it's your 4th or 1st, even if one might think of it as a triumph of hope over experience, is going to be very special to the people concerned. I wanted our wedding to be different from (a) my first one, a simple village wedding in the parish church at home and (b) his previous 2, in register offices with bride wearing a suit and a frilly blouse, taking all of 5 minutes in and out. It had to be special to us!

Mojisola

margaretclare wrote: »

Any wedding, whether it's your 4th or 1st, even if one might think of it as a triumph of hope over experience, is going to be very special to the people concerned. I wanted our wedding to be different from (a) my first one, a simple village wedding in the parish church at home and (b) his previous 2, in register offices with bride wearing a suit and a frilly blouse, taking all of 5 minutes in and out. It had to be special to us!

This is true which is why I can understand that mookiandco wants to keep her special day dress "special". I know it was a "renewal of vows" dress rather than a wedding dress but as they didn't have the money for a proper ceremony at the time, I expect she thinks of this as her wedding dress.

It's also why I don't understand her mother wanting to borrow everything for her wedding. It's almost as if she can't be bothered to get anything that will be special for her day. To have left thinking about a dress and other stuff until six weeks before the ceremony is very unusual and suggests that she isn't giving the matter a very high priority.

mookiandco

margaretclare wrote: »

Mention of the registrar and then the Jewish ceremony with the chuppah is a bit puzzling to me.

I am jewish and my hubby is not. As we couldnt get married in a synagogue (or church) we wanted a ceremony with the jewish components that encompassed both faiths. The registrar does full ceremonies that have everything in them apart from the words you need to make it legal.

I also chose this because my wedding day had to look and feel like the real thing without anyone knowing (due to us already being married).

My mum is jewish and her fiancee isnt so she wanted the same sort of service. She will be going to the registry office the day before to do the legal bits.

Errata

have Jewish relatives by marriage although DH is now a Christian like me. I didn't think you could have a religious wedding after all those divorces, unless Jews view it differently? I do know that Jews have to have a religious divorce, called a get, as well as the civil one.

Reform rabbis will marry people who have had a civil divorce, and the get is unecessary.

margaretclare

Thanks for the explanation.

As far as DH is concerned, several of his cousins no longer speak to him because he 'married out' as they put it - that was to his first wife, not to me! Nevertheless, one of his first cousins on his mother's side was happy to be his best man at our wedding in the Methodist Church and to give the best man's speech at the reception. However, his brother said that 'his bro had now had 3 weddings and he hadn't been to any of them - he couldn't have attended our wedding because it was in a church and he's a committed secular Jew'.

I think that most of them know that DH still attends church but not that he was baptised and confirmed in his 70th year!!!

mookiandco

shellsuit wrote: »

If you mean what I said, then I did say being married so many times and the same circumstances as the OP's Mum, how she described them. Such as marrying and leaving Mr boring etc..

I'm getting married in 5 weeks and only plan on marrying the once, but don't we all?

I wouldn't knock anyone who is marrying more than once if their heart is in it, but if they're marrying for the sake of it, as it seems here, then I would.

Very sadly my mum made some terrible mistakes and has had a rough ride. She took marriage seriously enough to stay married to my dad for 27 years and believe me as much as I love and adore him my dad is not an easy man to live with (very set in his ways!). She has then spent the last 10 years going from bad relationship to bad relationship. She married my dad very young and so has had to start from scratch.

She is also very trusting which is why she fell for Mr Con-Man. We all thought he was an idiot but nothing could have prepared any of us for the truth about him which we eventually got from the police. It really knocked her which is why she ended up with Mr Boring. He lived in the middle of nowhere at the other side of the country. He loved dogs and gardens and had his own hair and teeth. He seemed gentle and kind. After everything she'd been through with Mr Con-Man, she just wanted to get away/run away and be with someone who was transparent and who she shared things in common with. She did try to make it work with him but sadly Mr Boring also had a nasty side and she ended up having to run away in the middle of the night a couple of times.

She does seem to love her now fiancee and he clearly adores/loves her but I suppose its going to take a long time before any of us can trust him enough to welcome him with open arms.

However, whatever the outcome I will always be there to support her, hold her, commiserate with her and take her on girly shopping trips! You only get one mum.