Mum wants to wear my wedding dress

Penny_Farthing_2

My mother died before I got married. I'd crawl on my belly over hot coals for the priviledge of allowing her to wear the dress I wore for my wedding day. You are such a lucky woman.

Zara77

Hi hope it went ok,just came across your thread but my suggestion would been to tell her that -wedding dress was torn in a moment of passion!!!

ceridwen

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

but your husband is also your husband!

Quite right! - and he comes first in any decision-making about anything compared to anyone else. Its his marriage too.

mrcow

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

but your husband is also your husband!

Oops.

I missed the bit where the OP said that her mother wanted to borrow her husband for the wedding?

I thought that it was just the dress?

Soubrette

Penny_Farthing wrote: »

My mother died before I got married. I'd crawl on my belly over hot coals for the priviledge of allowing her to wear the dress I wore for my wedding day. You are such a lucky woman.

You are a very lucky lady to have such a lovely mother - I am sorry for your loss

My own mother is....very different. I'd still give her the dress if she asked because I don't invest much emotion in clothes - but that's me.

None of us can say what is the right thing for the OP to feel - she feels what she feels and none of us apart from her and her mother know their relationship. She doesn't want to lend her the dress and she is entitled to those feelings. I would personally tell the truth because any excuses will come up with a counter excuse by the mum.

However, I would also say that the OPs mum may think that she is starting a lovely tradition of a family wedding dress. Myself, my mum and my mother-in-law were all married within one week in September (different years of course ) My MIL and I thought it was lovely that we had such happy memories at similar times - my mother apparently thought I was trying to steal her thunder and take away from her day despite the fact that no one, not even her and Dad ostentatiously celebrated her day (they exchanged cards, no presents, no meals etc and no one else sent cards). She never told me this directly though and I wish she had when we first set the date.

ETA - just to be clear, we all had different anniversary dates, no one shared the same day exactly, they were all just very close together.

Spirit_2

This was not your 'wedding' dress, but a dress for special occasion for you and your husband.

Your mum has asked to borrow it for her wedding. I have loaned special outfits to friends and family on numerous occasions. Perhaps your mum is thinking in this way too.

If you never borrow or lend special clothes then find a good way to say so.

I have feeling that the dress will always be associated with this dilemma from now on.

motherhen2234

Wedding dresses are a personal thing. Tradition isn't as big a thing as it still was but people do still like the idea of it etc.

Personally I'd take a minute about why your feeling this way. Is it about the dress and tradition or is linked to your feelings about your mum, her 4th wedding, that she'll be wearing your dress (the idea of my mum dressing in clothes i wear freaks me out a bit to be honest! I'm 30 years younger!) etc.

If its the first then just be honest explain why and offer to help get her a new dress, let her have the accessories etc
If its the second. Again be honest but just think about how to phrase how your feeling as its going to be a bit of a longer conversation!

Good luck either way.

LittleTinker

mookiandco wrote: »

She's not the same size as me but the dress has a corset back so it might fit. I did say that I am much larger than her on top (we used to be the same size but she had a breast reduction) but she just said dont worry about that i'll pad it!

I havent got a loft (or mice for that matter)!!!

I'm starting to think that maybe I will let her try it on and hope that it doesnt fit/looks awful/makes her look like mutton dressed as lamb. I am just a little scared to risk it in case she thinks she looks wonderful!

Just say to her that you would prefer it if she didnt wear your dress as it is special to you and your husband but that you would be happy to come with her to find one of her own.

If you start making excuses you will find yourself in a sticky position.

sp1987

Just be honest.

People in this thread seem to be either 'do let her' or 'don't let her' but you obviously feel you do not want to as it was a dress for your special day that you look at and think of your day. There is nothing wrong with either approach, but don't go against what you feel is right.

If it was my mother I would offer to accompany her to find and pay for one for her. Then she has had from you, exactly what you had from her.

If you are happily married and she is on her 4th, maybe she sees your dress as a bit of a good luck charm that might help her marriage work? Who knows!

NAR

I'm a bit concerned about OP's husband's attachment to the dress - does he wear it often? :eek: