Mum wants to wear my wedding dress

jackieglasgow

ceridwen wrote: »

Quite frankly - she doesnt sound like she takes marriage very seriously anyway - to have so many of them...:cool:

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: Did you really just say that to someone about their mother?

jb66

Well it saves you buying her a present...

ceridwen

mookiandco wrote: »

Fast forward 2 years and my mum is getting married for the 4th time (the less said about that the better!). She gets married in about 6 weeks time. She just called and said she hadnt even started looking for a dress yet......

(she's the sort of person to go off at the deep end and hold a grudge).

Bearing in mind the above comments from O.P. - yep...

Anyone can make one mistake, a lot can make two mistakes - but three mistakes is rather a lot.

Also the fact that she is only 6 weeks away from getting married and hasnt got her own dress sorted out yet. IMO one puts off dealing with a task (in this case - getting the dress part of getting married) if one isnt that sure about it...If she was really sure about/happy to be getting married - then I would have thought getting the dress sorted out would be one of the first things she would have done. Personally - I would have expected to have the dress hanging very visibly somewhere in my bedroom within weeks of getting engaged - so I could beam broadly/get thoroughly sentimental about it each time I clapped eyes on it:D. But then I'm an "old romantic" as well as a bit of a "little puritan":D.

***************

Re Margaret Clare's comment about what its fitting to wear to get married in once one is older and/or been married before. As someone who has never been married before - but is certainly now "older" - then I think that anything I wear at a "posh" occasion should now be elegant/attractive/fitted to my agegroup - so would be wearing something elegant/a bit more covered-up than a younger person/a bit unusual in that position personally.

jackieglasgow

Sometimes it's better to keep it in your head though Ceridwen. She is still mookiandco's mother, and because she chooses not to be excited about doesn't make it OK for you to be so judgemental about someone you don't know, especially someone's mother.

Padstow

I'm with your husband on this, it's wrong on so many fronts.
I dare say the dress is too young for her being a corset style anyway, but can your mother not see the irony here? You wore the dress to renew your precious vows, she wants to wear it as her fourth husband has never had the big wedding.
Is it only me who finds an older woman, fourth time around wanting to have a showy wedding is a bit cringe making? A cream dress and jacket would be far more fitting.
I wouldn't lie about it though, sulk or not. Just say you find it inappropriate and the next one to wear it will be your daughter, should she wish to. I wouldn't even say yes to the tiara and bouquet.

Sorry, but your mother is out of order for even suggesting it.

aliasojo

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Sometimes it's better to keep it in your head though Ceridwen. She is still mookiandco's mother, and because she chooses not to be excited about doesn't make it OK for you to be so judgemental about someone you don't know, especially someone's mother.

Completely agree.

Out of line comments not in keeping with the topic in hand and completely unnecessary.

3onitsway

Oh Mooki it's a tricky one!

Do you have the kind of relationship with your Mum where you could have a nice girly shopping day to find her a suitable dress? M&S, Monsoon - something appropriate for an older lady?

Or is she really wanting the big dress experience? What's her style like? Could you be honest with her and tell her she looks like mutton without upsetting her? ( I could tell my mum this without upsetting her - she's happy she has two daughters who are honest with her and prevent her going out looking like a nutter!)

We went to a wedding last year and the brides Mum was a bridesmaid! To be honest she looked ridiculous, a 'larger' lady in her mid 50's wearing a strappy bridesmaid dress matching the two other slim 20-something bridesmaids. As they walked down the aisle, I don't think the gasps from the crowd were for the bride.

Nottoobadyet

Another who just doesnt get it. Seriously, no one wears their mums dresses anymore (no matter how lovely it is now, it will be out of fashion later!) and unless you are sure that you're exactly your daughters future size and that she will want it, I dont see that as an argument really! TBH, it sounds like a very MSE sollution to borrow a dress shes already bought once. It wasnt your first wedding either if you were renewing your vows so its not really fair to say its not appropriate for a 4th wedding.

I do like the buying her a dress idea if you can afford it.

mrcow

I think it's lovely that you have the opportunity to lend your dress to your mother on her wedding day.

And how generous and kind of her to have bought it for you in the first place.

mookiandco

Thanks for all the comments. I think I will visit her today without the dress and just be honest about wanting my daughter to wear it next. We will no doubt end up going shopping for one for her this weekend, which i'm quite happy to do. As for offering to buy it for her - based on her tastes, it would probably bankrupt me! However, hopefully it will soften the blow knowing that I have travelled 2 hours to visit her and brought her beautiful grandaughter to see her!

For whats its worth, I am not at all offended about comments about my mum not taking marriage seriously. Its not really that she doesnt take it seriously though, its more that she cant live without a man. She was married to my dad for 27 years (they renewed their vows and had the big white jewish wedding too). She then married a con-man (she was duped/hurt very badly but we did try to warn her). That lasted 18 months before he was arrested and carted away (he was a much Wanted man, not just here but abroad where he was wanted for murder). 6 weeks after her divorce was granted she married 'the most boring man in the world'. She accepts that after all she went through with Mr con-man she just wanted companionship and Mr Boring fitted the bill........except 2.5 yrs later he turned out to be just too boring!

So 12 weeks after the divorce to Mr Boring has been granted, she will be marrying Mr Eccentric/slightly-off-the-wall. I give it 6 months!!