Mum wants to wear my wedding dress

Glitzkiss

Can I ask what is more important to you? Your dress or your Mum? Your marriage or a dress?

I'm probably missing the point here as I'm a single person with no thoughts of getting married but surely the dress is only something pretty you wore to renew your wedding vows. Was it really the cement that made your marriage a forever thing?

And why should it matter if your mum wears it?

I'm sorry I just don't get it

coolcait

mookiandco wrote: »

I renewed my wedding vows (after 6yrs ) in 2008. I had the big(ish) white wedding this time round as we had nothing the first time. As her wedding gift to me, my mum bought my wedding dress. I had it especially fitted and customised so that it was my dream dress.

Perhaps you could return the favour, and offer to buy her wedding dress?

That would solve your problem over her using your dress, and it would also solve the 'what do I get for a wedding present?' problem.

*Louise*

coolcait wrote: »

Perhaps you could return the favour, and offer to buy her wedding dress?

That would solve your problem over her using your dress, and it would also solve the 'what do I get for a wedding present?' problem.

I like your thinking......:T:D

VK-2008

love the buy your mum a dress idea.
i would have a chat with your mum one to one tell her why you dont want her too wear it

belfastgirl23

Presumably a lot of the people who will be coming to her wedding will have been at yours and therefore will already have seen your dress? If it is distinctive then it would seem odd anyway to wear it a second time in front of the same people. Especially if teamed with the same accessories. Tell your mum you want her to have her own unique dress for her own day and to feel as special as you did, but it would make you all teary eyed if she would wear your tiara or carry your bouquet. And then as the others say, offer to buy her the dress as her gift...

As for the whys and wherefores of feeling uncomfortable, I think you can't really help this, feelings are feelings and unfortunately logic doesn't change them

ceridwen

NO....end of....is my view on this.

I agree with your husband on this - ie that the next person to wear your wedding dress should be your daughter (if she wants to).

Wedding dresses are very personal - and, at a practical level, she would probably get it altered to fit her (and therefore would be mucking round with your property and it would need adjusting back to fit you again).

Quite frankly - she doesnt sound like she takes marriage very seriously anyway - to have so many of them...:cool:

So - I would just refuse and let her "rant and rave" if she was going to. If she tried starting to "rant and rave" - then my response would be "I do NOT expect my own mother to go on at me like this - and I'm going home/going for a walk/going to put the phone down now" and do so.

You have a trump card here anyway - if she DOES go off the deep end at you - then you just turn round and say "Mother/mum/mummy (whatever you call her) - if you don't stop going on at me like this - then hubby and I won't be coming to your wedding - and then what will people think about the fact that your own daughter didnt come?" - and yes...I would mean it...if she went on that much - then I wouldnt attend her wedding if I were you. See how she would like being shamed by being so publicly snubbed. If she refuses to act like a proper mother would towards you - then, correspondingly, you have no obligation to act like a proper daughter towards her...

I'll mention something else here on this front. If people see a daughter wearing her mothers wedding dress at their wedding - then they think "Oh...how sweet...isnt that romantic? Those two must get on well...". If the reverse applied - ie a mother wearing her daughters wedding dress at HER wedding - then the likely thoughts are "Whatever sort of mother asks her daughter if she can wear her wedding dress like that - and probably ruins it into the bargain (with being a different size)????. What a *****. Glad I've not got a mother like that...."

I would be upset about it if I were your daughter as well...Certainly I would have liked to wear my mothers wedding dress if ever I had got married (its a pretty dress actually and would suit me too....) - but I couldnt have for two reasons: she got rid of it!! and it would be too small for me. I would have been very upset to think someone else had borrowed OUR dress (ie my mothers, then mine) before me.

Hotspur

A male perspective. Don't be too worried to cause a little upset now; it will be much better than what it could do the atmosphere at home if feelings run strongly about this.

If you don't want her to wear the dress and your husband doesn't then be honest and tell your mum so. It'll be much easier to do that than make up a reason why she shouldn't wear it and then compound the lie when she comes back to say that doesn't matter. Just say it is traditional for the daughter to wear the dress next, if she wants to, and that is what you want to do. Your mum may not want to hear that but will accept it.

Then go on a shopping trip to find her a dress

Kate78

If you're not happy about her wearing your dress, say no.

You'll only cringe every time you see the photos otherwise.

samhuzz

I don't get why it's a big deal, it's only a dress! I would let my mum borrow mine, what does it matter? Is it worth an arguement with your mum over?

margaretclare

When I read things like this it brings home to me that I'm a different generation, a different world maybe, and probably my feelings are of no relevance. However, here goes...

When I got married for the second time I did NOT feel it was appropriate to have a 'big white wedding'. In my thinking, outdated maybe, widows do not wear veils and they do not wear white. I've heard of people wanting the 'big white wedding' because they didn't have it originally, and doing it 'properly' at an anniversary - but that was a rededication of vows and with the same husband!

Having said that, DH's stepdaughter had a white wedding when she married for the 3rd time, and she asked him to give her away. As she had grown-up children, I thought it was odd then and I still do.

I can't understand this woman wanting to wear a 'big white' dress for her 4th wedding, and still less can I understand why she wants to wear her daughter's dress! If I was she, I would want to design something individual for myself, which is what I did for my own wedding.

Words fail me....